I Have Friends In Holy Spaces  Discontinued
by nomadichead
Summary: Bianca x Clare. Friendship, not femme slash.  Both Clare and Bianca are lacking in the friend department.
1. Chapter 1

**I Have Friends In Holy Spaces **

I don't own Degrassi, or the Panic! At the Disco song the title is derived from.

Bianca x Clare. Friendship, not femme slash.

Summary: Both Clare and Bianca are lacking in the friend department.

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><p>Clare sighed for what seemed to be like the millionth time that day and slammed her locker shut. She leaned back against it and let her head fall back, a little too hard.<p>

"Ouch," she said out loud, rubbing the back of her head.

"Are you okay?" another voice asked. Clare opened her eyes and saw the most beautiful shade of green eyes staring back at her. It was as if Eli had appeared from thin air because not a minute ago was he even in the hallway.

"Why do you care?" Clare shot back angrily. She turned on the heel of her shoe and tried walking away from him but he grabbed her elbow and pulled her back.

"Clare can we talk?" Eli asked sincerely.

"No, but we can continue pretending the other doesn't exist. Oh wait. That was only you," Clare pulled her arm back and walked away with her head held high, trying to seem indifferent and cold but if you looked at Clare from in front you could already see the tears streaming down her face.

When she rounded the corner away from Eli's line of sight, Clare started speeding away faster. She began getting that feeling of suffocation that she always got when she was confronted with Eli face to face. She needed to get air and get as far away from Eli as possible.

Clare was lost in her head, only trying to get away. Otherwise, she would have seen Bianca and would have stopped. But no, Clare ran straight into Bianca, sending them both toppling to the ground.

"What the fu-," Bianca started to shout but she stopped once she noticed the tears on Clare's face.

"I'm sorry Bianca," Clare apologized, already on her feet; she offered her hand to Bianca to help her get up. Bianca took Clare's hand and pulled herself off of the ground.

"It's okay Clare," Bianca replied coolly, "What's wrong?"

Clare shrugged and sat on a bench nearby. Bianca sat awkwardly next to her.

Bianca wasn't sure why, but she felt this pull towards the crying girl. She felt like she had to comfort Clare. Bianca was trying to change, not be a complete bitch, and stop getting in so much trouble. This didn't mean that Bianca wasn't still doing stupid things; it just meant that Bianca was doing them less, and she was smarter about doing them.

"Is everything okay?" Bianca asked after a few minutes of terribly awkward silence.

Clare shook her head and buried her face in her hands, the tears beginning to flow again.

"Well, can you tell me what's eating you?" Bianca pushed. She put her hand on Clare's shoulder and rubbed it in small circles.

"Why do you care?" Clare asked for the second time that day.

"I'm not sure," Bianca replied honestly.

Clare wiped the tears from her face and cleared her throat, "It's just everything that's been going on with Eli. I miss him so much. Sometimes I regret leaving him, but it was for the best. He needed help, and he needed to get help for himself and not for me. But now he parades around with his new girlfriend acting like we never existed. Then he'll come up to me when no one's around and act like he doesn't purposely hurt me. Then he goes back to ignoring me." Clare wasn't sure why she was spilling her heart out to Bianca, but it felt good to tell someone how she was really feeling. Clare had been putting a façade of being happy when she was really breaking down inside.

By the end of her monologue Clare was sobbing again. Bianca felt her cheeks flare up in anger. Bianca put up with a lot of shit, but one thing the curly haired brunette would not stand for was girls crying over boys. Boys were idiots and would never truly come to value everything that a woman could and would give them. Therefore, in Bianca's mind, the last thing that a girl should give a boy was her tears.

"Clare, stop crying," Bianca said callously.

Clare looked up confusedly and Bianca took the opportunity to snatch one of Clare's hands in her own. Bianca stood up and tugged on Clare's tiny wrist.

"C'mon get up Edwards," Bianca said a little bit more sympathetically.

Clare stood up from her seat and instantly felt herself being dragged back in the direction of her locker. Once she realized that Eli would still be there and that he was probably with Imogen by now, Clare started trying to pull her hand out of Bianca's grasp. But Bianca had quite the strong grip.

"Someone's determined to not be seen with me," Bianca said rudely, and if Clare was paying close attention, a trace of hurt in her voice.

"No, no, Bianca, it's not that. Eli's probably over there with Imogen and I don't want them to see me like this," Clare tried to explain whilst still trying to pry her hand out of Bianca's.

"Relax Edwards. I'm not taking you to the lions; even I'm not that much of a bitch. Don't worry I won't let anyone see you crying over the king and queen of the underworld," Bianca said bluntly.

Clare could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again. Bianca could hear Clare start choking up behind her and she whipped her head around.

"No Edwards, not again," Bianca said wiping the tears from Clare's eyes and pulled her forward again.

Bianca stopped abruptly which caused Clare to smash into her again.

"Clare, you seriously need to stop doing that," Bianca snapped.

"Sorry," Clare said meekly.

Bianca opened the door and yanked Clare inside by her arm. Bianca stuck her head out and made sure that no one had seen them before slamming the door shut and jamming a broom stick under the door handle.

"Bianca, why are we in the bathroom?" Clare asked curiously.

Bianca took a moment to look Clare over. Edwards was pretty, Bianca would admit. She had beautiful big blue eyes and a pretty face although at the moment it was splotchy from crying so much. They were about the same height, and Clare was nice and curvy. Bianca wasn't gay or bisexual but she could appreciate pretty girls for what they were.

Bianca knew that people called her a slut, a whore, amongst other things and she honestly could care less. Bianca knew that she was beautiful. But up against Saint Clare, Bianca couldn't help but feel a little bit ugly, and she wasn't sure why.

"Why are we locked in the bathroom?" Clare asked again, shifting her weight from leg to leg. She was twiddling her thumbs and Bianca could tell that she was nervous.

"Scared of me Edwards?" Bianca said smirking.

"No," Clare replied honestly.

"Then why are squirming like you're a little fawn and I'm a big bad fox that's going to hunt you down?" Bianca asked quietly.

She was tired of people being afraid of her. Sure Bianca was rough around the edges but she was genuinely trying to be nice to Clare. She just had an unconventional way of communicating herself; almost always did she just come off as a bitch. No one could appreciate honesty and that irked Bianca to no end.

"Oh, sorry, I always twitch like this when I'm done crying. I'm strange," Clare said lifting her arms in surrender, showing Bianca that she could stop.

"Yeah, you are Edwards," Bianca rolled her eyes and pointed to the large empty space on the counter by the sinks, "Sit."

Clare looked like she was going to question Bianca again but she quietly pulled herself up on the counter until her legs hung over the edge.

Bianca ripped off some paper towels from the dispenser and put them under warm water from the sink. Bianca squeezed the excess water off of them and handed them to Clare.

"Clean off your face," Bianca said gently.

Clare did as she was told, wiping off the trails of dried tears that were on her face. As well as wiping off the little bit of smudged make-up she had been wearing.

Bianca started pulling random items from a black bag that Clare hadn't noticed she had been carrying until then. She handed Clare a small hand towel.

"Dry, but pat don't rub, it wrinkles your face," Bianca instructed. Next she handed Clare a bottle of lotion which she applied to her face.

There was a comfortable silence in between the two girls. Bianca pulled out a small make-up case and opened it to reveal a small plate of eyes shadows, a tube of mascara, and two sticks of black and white eyeliner. Bianca grabbed the plate of eye shadows and turned to Clare.

"Lean forward," Bianca ordered. Clare leaned her face toward Bianca's, who began applying a light coat of shimmery peach eye shadow. Bianca grabbed the stick of white eyeliner and was about to apply it to Clare's eyes when Clare grabbed her wrist.

"White eyeliner? Won't that make me look weird?" Clare asked staring at the stick of eyeliner inches away from her face.

"Just let me work," Bianca responded and shook her wrist from Clare's grip. She pulled gently on Clare's face until her eyes reached her own eye level and began applying the white eyeliner.

"If you apply it on the inside of your bottom eyelids, it makes your eyes look enormous," Bianca explained, "not that you really need help with that though Blue Eyes."

Clare froze up at the nickname Eli had given her come out of Bianca's mouth.

"Did he call you that?" Bianca asked softly putting emphasis on the "he".

Clare nodded.

"I'm sorry," Bianca said sincerely and Clare shrugged.

Bianca leaned back to admire her work, "Damn, Edwards your eyes look enormous."

Clare laughed and let Bianca apply the black eyeliner to, as Bianca had put it, "bring out the sapphires she had for eyes."

After she applied mascara to Clare's eyelashes, Bianca put everything back in her bag and leaned back against the counter. An awkward silence fell over them again and neither girl knew what to say.

Clare cleared her throat and spoke first, "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," Bianca remarked, "but continue."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Clare asked with genuine curiosity.

Bianca took a moment to collect her thoughts. She was tired of people thinking she was heartless. Sure she was cold and mean to most people, but that was just her putting her guard up. Bianca was not the type of person who let just anyone in. People suck and you have to watch out for yourself. But if you opened up Bianca, under the tough exterior there actually existed a decently nice person who wanted to care. It's why Bianca didn't have many friends, she didn't want to open up to people, and why most of her friends were guys, because were too stupid to notice that Bianca was only tough on the outside.

After a moment Bianca shrugged, "I don't know. I felt like being nice. I guessed you could use a friend to cheer you up."

"And what makes you think that I'd want to be your friend?" Clare asked. "You were horrible to Adam, you made Drew cheat on Alli then you fought her, and you always make fun of Eli."

Clare, on the other hand, always gave everyone a chance, and that was her demise. She was the type of person who always wanted to see the good in everyone and tried to ignore the bad. Clare had had plenty of friends. But at one point or another they either took advantage of her or just left her. Alli had stopped talking to Clare when she went to the all girls' school and even when she came back to Degrassi; things were too weird between them. After she and Eli had broken up he ignored her most of the time. Even Adam barely acknowledged her; he had followed through on guy code and raced to Eli's side after the break up. And she still wanted to punch Jenna and KC in the face most of the time.

Bianca snapped back to reality from the world where she thought she could be friends with Saint Clare.

"I know I was a bitch to Adam, but I don't get why you're still defending him, he doesn't even acknowledge you anymore. And when was the last time you talked to Baby Bhandari anyway? Last I saw her she was buddy-buddy with Jenna and the rest of the stupid Power Pigs. And as for Eli, you're in here with me because of him. Some friends you have. I just thought we could both use a friend," Bianca said, accidently letting the last sentence slip out.

Clare looked taken aback, and after a minute or two exhaled the breath she'd been holding and let her shoulders fall.

"You're right," Clare whispered.

Now it was Bianca turn to be taken aback, "I am?"

"I keep living in this fantasy world in my head where everything will come back together. Eli will be okay and come back to me. Adam will talk to me again, and Alli and I will be as close as sisters again," Clare sighed sadly.

"I'm sorry," Bianca apologized to Clare for the second time that day.

"Don't be," Clare waved her hand dismissively, "You were just telling me what I've been refusing to acknowledge. Everyone is moving on with their lives. So what's stopping me?"

"You're a really good person," Bianca replied, "and you still care about those people even though they've hurt you."

Clare jumped off of the counter and landed gracefully on her feet.

"Thanks for this by the way," Clare said pointing to her face and changing the subject, "and I'm sorry for saying those mean things to you just now."

"Don't worry about it," Bianca shrugged, "I'm more concerned with you not seeing yourself now and all of my beauty work."

Clare lifted an eyebrow questioningly when suddenly she felt herself being turned in the direction of the mirror. She lost her breath when she saw herself in the mirror. Clare's eyes looked ten times bigger than usual and you could not tell that Clare had been weeping her eyes out about half an hour ago.

"Whoa," Clare said in a surprised tone.

"I know," Bianca said standing behind her, "Well, you're welcome. I should get going."

Bianca was halfway to the door when she felt Clare's hand stop her.

"Wait Bianca," Clare said softly, "You're right."

"About what?" Bianca said turning around.

"We're both lacking in the friend department right now. Maybe we could be…," Clare said letting her voice drop out by the end.

"I think that could work," Bianca half smiled.

Bianca unhinged the broom stick from the door handle and poked her head outside to make sure no one was around to get them in trouble for skipping last period.

"Coast is clear," Bianca mumbled after a moment and she walked out, Clare following at her side.

Clare let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding when she saw that Eli and Imogen were nowhere to be seen. Clare stopped at her locker and seconds later the bell rang throughout the halls, sending hoards of Degrassi students into the hallway.

Bianca leaned against the locker next to Clare's and watched her rummage around for the book for her next class.

Clare took a moment to look at herself in her small locker mirror. All the traces of sadness that were there only minutes ago were gone from her face. Clare smiled at her reflection when a small, annoying, yet loud, chime of a laugh came from the other side of the hallway.

In walked Eli and Imogen. She was laughing quite loudly at something Eli was whispering in her ear. Clare felt her heart stop and her breath leave her body. She often wondered if they were so obnoxiously loud about their relationship on purpose, just to push Clare.

A scowl over took the smile that was on her face seconds ago when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Clare turned around to see Bianca standing there with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Don't let them get to you Clare," Bianca muttered, "she's not even that pretty. Eli totally downgraded from you to her if you ask me."

Clare felt bad for laughing but she couldn't help it. Bianca joined in and a few people in the hallway turned to blatantly stare at the two people they probably thought they'd never see together. They could feel the whispers and pointing start, but the two girls ignored it.

"Clare," Bianca abruptly ended their laughter.

"Yes," Clare said waiting for Bianca to continue.

"I want to be your friend, but I need you to promise me something," Bianca said slowly.

"What is it?" Clare asked, a little afraid of what could come out from her mouth.

"Promise me you won't cry over him anymore. He doesn't deserve your tears if he couldn't recognize that you were being a truly great girlfriend that was only trying to get him the help he obviously needs," Bianca spoke with a careful tone, hoping she wasn't stepping too much on Clare's toes.

Clare took a moment to absorb her words and looked over Bianca's shoulder to the other side of the hallway where Eli and Imogen were wrapped up in each other. Imogen had Eli up against the lockers and Clare kind of wanted to gag at the scene but she felt herself freeze up again when she caught Eli staring at her closely. His eyes were locked with hers but he had his arms wrapped around Imogen. Clare tore her gaze away from his after a minute and looked back at Bianca, who was standing there waiting for Clare's reply.

"I think I can promise that," Clare said faintly.

Bianca smiled genuinely now and Clare couldn't help but smile back.

Clare turned back to her locker and tossed her books back in, not really caring where they fell. She slammed the door a little too harshly, causing everyone in the hallway to turn in her direction again.

Clare blushed and turned to Bianca, who looked very confused.

"Can we get out of here?" Clare asked.

"You want to ditch?" Bianca asked, surprised.

"You say that like I've never done it before," Clare defended, crossing her arms.

"I didn't mean it like that," Bianca defended herself. "I was going to take off anyway," she pulled a set of car keys from her black bag and waved them in the air, "The Dot?"

"Yes," Clare said excitedly, "Let's get out of here."

Clare offered her arm to Bianca, who linked her arm through it gently. The hallways were nearly empty now so they had to make their escape fast. There were no teachers or security around, fortunately enough, but there were plenty of students still shuffling through their lockers, or just standing around.

With linked arms, Clare and Bianca walked straight to the front door, ignoring the whispers and outright pointing. Clare could feel two separate pairs of eyes on her back, Eli's obviously, but she knew Alli was staring after her too. She and Bianca had passed right by her on their walk to the door.

After what seemed like a never ending hallway they pushed through the front doors of Degrassi and quickly descended down the stairs. Bianca pulled Clare in the direction of her car.

"Are you sure about this Clare?" Bianca asked when they were in the car.

"About what?" Clare asked.

"About us being friends," Bianca said quietly, showing off two traits Clare had never seen in her, fear and insecurity.

"I'm sure," Clare said smiling brightly, "Bianca, I know that this is the start of a very odd, but good friendship."

"Me too Clare, me too," Bianca smiled back, turning the car on and pulling out of the parking lot in the direction of The Dot.

Bianca turned the radio on and a Britney Spears song blasted through the speakers. The girls turned to look at each other and burst out singing the words to the song, laughing loudly, comfortably, and for the first time in a long time for both girls, genuinely.


	2. Chapter 2

Oh yeah, I went there. I mentioned Imogen, and I'm making her a total bitch. LOL, I don't like her because of her character description. It has nothing to do with Eclare, _**honestly**_. But anyway here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. :) + Thank you for all the kind reviews + favorites, it means a lot.

I have a handful of ideas for this series, that I can work into somewhere between 3 and 5 chapters. Maybe.

I still don't own Degrassi (damn, I know), and I still don't own the Panic! At the Disco song that the title of this series comes from (but I do own a copy of their new album, Vices and Virtues, and I must say, it's pretty boss).

*If it's in italics, it's a flashback.

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><p>It had been three months since Clare and Bianca became friends. Three months of people staring and whispering about the two girls' sudden friendship. Bianca and Clare took it all in stride because right now they were all each other really had.<p>

Bianca's dad walked out on her and her mom when she was seven. Bianca remembered waiting up night after night, sitting by the window clutching her pink teddy bear waiting for him to come home. She gave up doing that when she was ten, when she finally realized that he was never coming back. Bianca and her mother moved on and were happy by themselves; it was always Bianca and mom time. Even when Bianca started lashing out, Mrs. DeSousa never once yelled at her. Instead she made Bianca sit on a chair in their wide open living room to think about the things she'd done. Her mom sat on the opposite side of the room watching her. Bianca could feel her mother's eyes watching her but she knew her mom wasn't mad. Her mom promised that she'd never give up on her. She wouldn't leave her like her dad.

That all changed when Mrs. DeSousa met him.

Bianca's mother remarried a year ago, and now had three month old Christian to look after. It was as if Bianca wasn't even her child anymore, the ex Mrs. DeSousa had a new family to care for. So Bianca started watching out for herself more carefully, since she wasn't so sure if her mother would be there when she needed her. She felt abandoned for the second time in her life. But as of three months ago, Bianca had Clare, and she'd called her many a time in the middle of the night drunk out of her mind either to ask Clare to come pick her up from some party, or to simply cry about how her entire family had fallen apart.

Clare's family had fallen apart a mere 8 months ago. Everything ran smoothly until the Edwards' got so fed up with each other that they couldn't share the condo. They went their separate ways, and let Clare keep the house. They were no longer on speaking terms.

The one week one parent thing continued, only on Mrs. Edwards part though, Mr. Edwards showed up for his week once in a blue moon. Clare guessed he only came around when enough guilt built up inside of him. She couldn't be mad at him though, instead Clare wanted to rip the face off of his pretty little secretary, his distraction. The last time Clare saw her father was two weeks before she started talking to Bianca, almost four months ago. Not that her mother knew of course, as far as Mrs. Edwards was aware, Mr. Edwards showed up for his week after she left back to her apartment and left before she came for her week so they wouldn't cross paths. Clare didn't have the heart to rat out her own father.

Mrs. Edwards wasn't any better though. During her duration with Clare, she spent most of the time out of the house, completely engrossed in her newfound job or in church gatherings.

Then there was Darcy, who had come back from Kenya only to join the Peace Corps and was now who knows where. When she came though, it was if they were complete strangers rather than sisters. Clare rarely heard from Darcy, given that she was traveling from helpless nation of helpless nation, the last time she'd spoken to her was two months prior, and even then it was a five minute conversation where Darcy assured Clare that she was fine and that she would be in Argentina for a month and a half. But as of three months ago Clare had Bianca, who had spent more nights at Clare's house in the last three months than either of her parents had.

They'd become close, really close in fact. So close that at first it scared Bianca, who had never had a close girl friend, but she adjusted and appreciated that Clare didn't judge her for coming to her house sometimes at three in the morning, drunk, high or crying, and let her stay over. Bianca had basically taken over Darcy's half empty room. They told each other things that they'd never told anyone else.

"_My dad walked out on us when I was seven," Bianca whispered in a drunken state, a month after she'd become friends with Clare. _

That was the first of many nights she'd spent at Clare's house.

"_When I found out Jenna was pregnant with KC's baby, I wanted to shove her down the stairs," Clare said somberly when they were walking down the crowded hallway and saw KC talking to Jenna's ever growing bump like an idiot. _

That was the day Bianca knew Clare was just as messed up as she was. Clare just didn't show it.

"_I used to pray like somebody was listening," Bianca confessed as they sat on the bleachers watching Drew make the winning basket against the opposing team. _

That was the day Clare realized that Bianca still had hope.

"_I haven't seen my sister in two years," Clare said sadly when they were eating ice cream in the park and saw a pair of sisters playing on the swings._

"_You said you saw her five months ago before she left with the Peace Corps," Bianca recalled confusedly._

"_The last time I saw my sister," Clare retorted harshly, emphasis on the 'my', "was the night before she got raped, two years ago."_

That was the day Bianca found out that Clare had stopped believing in God.

"_I want to overdose," Bianca said nonchalantly one sunny Tuesday morning when she met Clare on the front steps._

"_Why?" Clare asked._

"_I want to know if my mother would rip herself away from her new family to come see her firstborn," Bianca explained._

That was the day Clare gave Bianca the extra key to her house.

"_I want her to break his heart," Clare said indifferently, she tapped her pen against her binder and watched as Imogen practically ate Eli's face in the library. They were kissing in the exact same spot that Eli had kissed her at before the A Night in Vegas dance._

"_Cold hearted much," Bianca let out a shrill giggle and made a gagging sound, "she looks like terrible kisser."_

"_Into a million pieces," Clare abruptly stood up, "because I want to fix him."_

Bianca's raised an eyebrow and figured out that Clare was secretly spiteful.

"_I actually liked him, I didn't care what was in his pants. But my mom despises people like Adam. I didn't want her to have another reason to push me away," Bianca admitted when they saw Adam and Fiona sitting, making out on one of the outside tables at The Dot._

Clare came to the sad conclusion that Bianca put herself down to make people love her.

"_I lost my virginity to some creep at the Ravine last year," Bianca stated reclining on Clare's loveseat, "I don't even remember it, but everything hurt like hell down there for a few days."_

"_I lost my virginity to Eli a week before the car accident," Clare replied leaning back on her couch, "it was great and everything, but I wished I hadn't done it. It wasn't special."_

"_It almost never is," Bianca twirled a curl around her finger._

That night they raided Clare's father's liquor cabinet and got completely wrecked.

People at school talked. Both girls had heard several rumors going around the school. Their favorites were that Clare was now a ravine slut and that she'd taken guys to the boiler room like Bianca or the one about Clare converting Bianca, who was now a born again Christian. They laughed them off. Clare had never stepped onto ravine grounds after the time she went with Alli to find Johnny and Bianca had yet to set foot inside Clare's church. Because seriously, who the hell wakes up that early on a Sunday morning?

There were changes in each of the girls' personality though. Bianca's ego had rubbed off on Clare, who was now more confident with herself. She'd even taken to wearing more daring (but still appropriate) clothes when she was out of the Degrassi uniform. Bianca's grades were improving. Since Bianca spent so much time with Clare, who spent so much time doing homework what with being in the gifted program, Bianca either had to find something to do quietly while Clare worked or do her own. Bianca wasn't stupid, she was just lazy. But Clare told her to 'shut up' enough times in one day that Bianca snapped the television off and pulled out her own books and slammed them on the table.

"_I'm going to be a nerd like you and do my work!" Bianca said dramatically._

_Clare smirked and tried her hardest not to laugh._

_Bianca narrowed her eyes, "This was your plan all along right? To get me to do my work! Clare you are a sneaky little devil! Well here!" And Bianca made a big show of opening up her history book and gave a dramatic reading of the first events of World War I. _

Clare snapped back to reality when she felt someone tap her gently on the shoulder with a pencil. She turned around to see Eli there with a small smile on his face. Clare had momentarily forgotten that she was in physics with Bianca and all of their least favorite people at the moment, Drew, Alli, Eli and Adam.

"What?" Clare snapped, snatching the pencil he was tapping her with out of his hand.

"I just asked if you wanted to be my partner for the project Mr. Betenkamp just assigned," Eli said feigning innocence.

"And why would I want to be your partner?" Clare turned forward again, hoping that Mr. Betenkamp would regain the class' attention soon.

"What's with you Clare? I thought you of all people would want to at least try to remain friends," Eli explained cruelly.

"Hey, she has a partner. Now lay off emo kid," Bianca cut in, defending Clare.

Clare's silence made it clear that she was not going to defend Eli from Bianca's remark.

"Are you serious Clare? You're friends with Bianca now?" Eli asked more amused than angry.

"Yes, not that it should concern you or anyone else for that matter," Clare stated harshly, noticing that Alli was eavesdropping from the desk next to Eli.

Thankfully, Mr. Betenkamp called the class back to order without noticing their slight bickering. He asked a question from the reading they were assigned the night before. A few people raised their hands, including Clare and Alli

"Always the same people, don't any of the rest of you read the book?" Mr. Betenkamp asked and those who didn't raise their hands snickered.

Mr. Betenkamp let his eyes due a quick run through of the students present in his class and stopped at a very bored looking Bianca filing her nails.

"Ms. DeSousa can you answer the question" Mr. Betenkamp asked, "or are you too busy fixing a chipped nail?"

Bianca rolled her eyes, put away her nail file and confidently answered the difficult question, leaving a few of the smarter teenagers gawking in her direction. She leaned back and smirked at Alli, who had her mouth wide open.

"Very good Ms. DeSousa, you've been improving quite a bit lately," Mr. Betenkamp praised.

"She's probably cheating off of her best friend Clare," Alli whispered loud enough for the class to hear. "Oops! Did I say that out loud?"

A few people in the class giggled, including Eli.

Bianca slammed her hand on her desk, making half the class jump in their seats, and turned in Alli direction, "You don't know anything Bhandari, so keep your little mouth shut."

"Ladies," Mr. Betenkamp warned but he was ignored.

"Or what? You'll shut it for me?" Alli countered, "I'd like to see you explain that to a probation officer in juvie, where you'll inevitably end up in."

"Shut up Alli," another voice cut in angrily.

The class looked on in shock, and Mr. Betenkamp ran his fingers through his hair at the out of control situation.

"Clare, stay out of this," Alli demanded shocked.

"No Alli, I won't. Shut up and leave Bianca alone," Clare turned and looked at Alli with furious eyes.

"Since when are you friends with her? After everything she did to all of your friends, you become her friend and defend her?" Alli talked quickly and exasperatedly.

"You're not my friend," Clare retorted and Alli's eyes widened.

"Clare," Adam cut in, trying to stop a fight from happening. It was the first time Adam had spoken directly at Clare in months.

"Neither are you, so stay out of this Adam. Continue pretending I'm invisible," Clare said crossly.

"Whatever Clare, but don't come crawling back to me when she does something to ruin your life," Alli crossed her arms over her chest.

Clare let out a condescending laugh, "Alli, you're the last person I'll go to. Don't worry about that."

The class gasped and whispered while Alli stared in shock at Clare. Drew put his hand on Alli's arm in sympathy. Eli turned to smile softly at Alli, who looked like she was about to cry. Bianca rolled her eyes, muttered something to Clare under her breath, making her laugh.

Alli was about to reply to Bianca when Mr. Betenkamp ran a ruler down the chalkboard, making everyone cover their ears at the offending, piercing noise.

"Everyone be quiet. Ladies another word from any of you and you'll all be arguing in detention," he threatened.

The class was dead silent and Mr. Betenkamp continued his lesson as if nothing had occurred.

Clare's blood was boiling and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. She tapped her pen impatiently on her hand, so as to not make any noise to piss off Mr. Betenkamp and earn herself a detention. She was pissed. Since when were Alli and Eli friends? Was the entire world against her regaining happiness?

Clare could hear Alli whimpering lightly behind her but she was to angry to care.

When the bell finally rang, Clare gathered her things quickly and stormed out of the classroom, shoving past Alli and Eli in the process. Bianca picked up her things swiftly and took off after Clare, pushing past Eli, Drew, and Adam, who were comforting Alli and Imogen, who had just joined their group, too.

"You okay?" Bianca asked a little breathlessly, finally having caught up to Clare at her locker.

"Just dandy. Ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend are friends and the new girlfriend is taking my old life completely over," Clare snapped callously gesturing in the direction of her old group of friends.

"You handled yourself great in there, and thanks," Bianca whispered.

"No problem, I just hate that Alli makes stupid assumptions. And sorry I snapped at you," Clare spoke more calmly but still irritated.

"Forget about it, I already did. Dumb people don't matter," Bianca shrugged.

"What are we doing tonight?" Clare asked, pulling books out of her locker for the last class of the day, she hadn't received any homework and hoped that Mrs. Dawes wouldn't assign any either.

"If Dawes doesn't give you any homework, do you want to go to this with me?" Bianca asked, pulling out two tickets from her bag.

Clare snatched one from Bianca's hand and looked at the description, "Dead Hand? No thanks. I thought they only got back together for that one show a long time ago."

"They did but it was so successful that they just got back together. C'mon Clare go with me," Bianca whined, "We'll have fun."

"If you got tickets, then you know who else got tickets? Eli, Imogen and probably Adam. I've had enough confrontation today; I just want to go home and sleep." Clare explained, closing her locker slowly.

"Who cares? We probably won't even see them. Do you know how many people will be at this show? A lot. If we do run into them, which I doubt will happen, then luck is not on your side but more importantly, they can see how much fun you're having with me without them," Bianca said conceitedly.

Clare let Bianca's words mull over in her mind for a minute and frowned, shaking her head.

"C'mon Clare –," Bianca started saying but Clare cut her off.

"Just kidding," she said pocketing the other ticket.

Bianca squealed in delight and Clare laughed at her friend's excitement.

"I could use a good distraction anyway, and maybe I'll get rid of some stress by shoving people in the mosh pit," Clare laughed.

"We're going to have so much fun," Bianca explained.

"Walk me to English?" Clare asked sticking out her pinky finger.

"Of course darling," Bianca said in a false British accent and hooked her pinky with Clare's. They walked swinging their hand back and forth, talking excitedly about their evening plans.

English went by faster than expected and before Clare knew it, she and Bianca were at her house getting ready for concert.

"Is anyone ever home?" Clare asked, picking up a magazine and stretching out on Bianca's bed to read.

"No, that's why I'm always at your place. The quiet creeps me out," Bianca explained, sorting through her closet, looking for clothes.

"I know what you mean," Clare said, "this is dear daddy's week and he's didn't show up again."

"I'm sorry," Bianca said sympathetically.

Clare shrugged, "Whatever, I'm used to it," and kept flipping through the magazine.

Bianca pulled out an armful of clothes and dropped them on the bed next to Clare.

"What are these for?" Clare asked, giving the clothes a once over.

"Me. You. Concert. Ring a bell? You didn't think we were going in this did you?" Bianca said gesturing to the Degrassi uniform.

"Well duh, I just thought I'd go home and change," Clare said separating the clothes into piles.

"Nope, you're borrowing something from me. No flower print for you tonight," Bianca giggled.

Clare stuck her tongue out and picked up a shirt.

"I'm not saying your clothes are bad," Bianca explained, "You always look pretty when we're not in this atrocity, but tonight we have to look hot."

"Hot?" Clare furrowed her eyebrows.

"Really hot. We're going to find ourselves some temporary boyfriends tonight," Bianca laughed at the look on Clare's face.

"I don't want to go anymore," Clare said languidly, stretching out on the bed, "I've never been to a concert before."

"Are you serious?" Bianca asked, shocked, "then how did you know what a mosh pit was?"

"Eli, remember? He tried to talk me into going to a Pierce the Veil show once," Clare explained.

"Ew. That's a terrible band," Bianca made a disgusted face.

"That's what I said. He played one song and I felt like ripping my ear drums out. I told him to take Adam and stayed home instead," Clare laughed.

"You're life is so exciting, Edwards," Bianca fake yawned, "Anyway, get up. We have a lot of trying on to do, and very little time before the doors open."

"Your clothes won't fit me," Clare explained, "You're small than me."

"Liar, we're like the same size. And if they fit you a little bit tighter, then who cares? Your ass will just look that much better," Bianca laughed.

Clare rolled her eyes, "Definitely, that's exactly what I want," she said sarcastically.

"Great! We're on the same page then. Now try this on," Bianca said and handed Clare an outfit.

The girls tried on clothes for an hour, coming in and out of the bathroom and bedroom and throwing rejected clothes onto Bianca's closet floor.

"That's it!" Bianca said excitedly when Clare stepped out of the bathroom for what felt like the billionth time.

"Really?" Clare spun around. She was wearing a pair of dark wash skinny jeans that fit her perfectly, a purple v-neck and a small black vest that pushed her chest up.

"Yeah," Bianca said.

"My boobs are all exposed to the world though," Clare whined trying to pull up her shirt.

"Stop that," Bianca smacked her hand away, "we look awesome."

Bianca was wearing a pair of extremely tight black skinny jeans and a red camisole.

"Sit," Bianca pointed to the chair that was stationed in front of her vanity. Clare sat and let Bianca work her magic on her face.

"I think we're sufficiently ready," Bianca stated pulling the mascara tube away from her own eyelashes.

"Great," Clare stood up and checked herself out in the mirror. Her eyes looked smoky, not to mention gigantic and the clothes she was wearing accentuated every curve of her body.

"Clare stop mentally hitting on yourself. You can let guys do that when we get to the show," Bianca grabbed her ticket, wallet and phone, shoving them into the pockets of her leather jacket.

Bianca gave Clare her own leather jacket.

"You have two?" Clare asked pointing to the one she had just donned on.

"I have six," Bianca laughed.

As Bianca drove, Clare couldn't help but get a little antsy. What would she do if she saw Eli there? Would he be affected by the fact that she had declined to go to a concert with him and was now at one, for his favorite band no less, with Bianca?

'We're not going to see them," Bianca said as if she'd been reading Clare's mind.

"How did you know that's what I was thinking?" Clare asked with genuine concern.

"Well, you were chewing your pointer finger nail. You do that when you think of him," Bianca replied nonchalantly.

"Oh great, everyone can read me like a book," Clare sighed and stared out the window.

Bianca pulled into the venue's parking lot and secured a spot close to the exit. God knew that getting out of the parking lot after a show was worse than traffic at rush hour.

They walked into the venue and got searched by the security before handing their tickets to the annoyed looking ticket lady to be scanned.

"Enjoy the show," she said monotonously.

"We will," Bianca said excited and pulled Clare's arm. They signed in their things to coat check and pocketed the stubs so they could retrieve their jacket later.

"Aren't you cold?" Clare asked gesturing to Bianca's thin camisole.

"Nope, and neither will you in a few minutes," Bianca said.

"Why?" Clare asked as Bianca pulled her into the direction of the bar that was situated in the far back of the venue.

"Two peach and lime daiquiris please," Bianca asked for indifferently after wiggling her way through some creepy men to get to the bar.

The bartender gave them both a look over and looked like he was about to protest and maybe question their age.

"Actually, can I have a White Russian please," Clare asked sweetly.

"Make that two, forget the daiquiris," Bianca agreed.

"Here you go," the bartender handed the drinks to them wearily.

Clare pulled out her wallet to pay when a ten dollar bill was slapped onto the counter next to her.

"This round's on me," a velvety voice said to the girls.

"And you are?" Bianca asked raising an eyebrow. The guy looked kind of familiar to Clare. She wondered where she had seen him before.

"My name's Reese," he said and extended his hand to the girls.

Both of them shook it and Bianca hooked her arm through Clare's and pulled her away.

"Well thank you Reese, but we have to go," Bianca said not-so-smoothly and they walked away.

Clare laughed, "Well, that was rude."

"Rule number one, if a guy buys you drinks say thanks quickly and walk away. Don't want other potential buyers to see you with one guy for too long and think you're with him," Bianca whisper yelled in her ear as the opening band went onstage.

Clare nodded and mentally remembered that.

"And White Russians Clare?" Bianca smiled brightly, "Are you planning on getting hammered?"

"Nope," Clare replied innocently, "I just liked this." She took a long sip and let the cold coffee and vodka pass through her system.

Bianca nodded along to the bad opening act and when they finished their drinks they put them on a passerby waiter's tray.

"Ready for another?" Bianca asked, moving her head in the direction of the bar.

"In a minute," replied Clare.

They danced along to the band's music until they ended their set and announced that Dead Hand was on next.

"Now I think I could use another," Clare whisper-yelled in Bianca's ear.

Bianca nodded and they worked their way through the crowd of people until they reached the bar. They anchored themselves on the counter so no one would shove them.

"I'll have a Fallen Angel," Clare said to the bartender after she'd signaled him over.

"I'll have a Brandy Alexander," Bianca ordered and turned to smirk at Clare.

"One Fallen Angel and one Brandy Alexander," the bartender placed the drinks in front of the girls and opened his palm for the money.

"I got this," a husky voice said handing a twenty to the waiter.

"Ron-Ron?" Bianca squealed and threw her arm around the friend she hadn't seen in weeks.

"Fallen Angel Edwards?" Ron-Ron asked acknowledging Clare, "Perfect drink for you. Bianca, you naughty girl what have you done to Saint Clare?" He eyed them up and down.

"Bianca didn't tell me to drink. I want to," Clare shouted defending Bianca, "I'm the bad influence."

Bianca laughed, "Yeah, how do you know I'm the bad one? Maybe Clare leads this whole secret life that no one knows about!"

"Yeah, what if I do?" Clare said cutely.

"Sex, drugs, rock and roll?" Ron-Ron asked.

"Definitely," Clare winked flirtatiously.

"C'mon B, Dead Hand is setting up," Clare pulled Bianca away and turned back to raise her glass at Ron-Ron "thanks Ron-Ron."

"Anything for a Fallen Angel," he winked.

Clare and Bianca turned away from him. They looked at each other and started laughing.

"Oh my God! You were flirting with Ron-Ron," Bianca said through laughs, "He's right, what have I done to you?"

Clare threw an arm around Bianca, "You taught me how to let loose and thanks to my homework diligence, you're passing all of your classes."

"A fair exchange," Bianca agreed and clinked her glass with Clare's.

"We make a pretty good team," Clare said taking a sip of drink, but she almost choked when she saw Bianca's glass.

"You read Palahniuk!" Clare said suddenly, "You're drinking a Brandy Alexander!"

"I do read Clare," Bianca glared at her playfully; "I saw the book on your shelf and the cover intrigued me. And since when do you drink gin as long as we're finding out new things about each other?"

"Since I read about it in a book once," Clare confessed and Bianca laughed.

Dead Hand began tuning their instruments and Clare felt a surge of energy pass through her body. She gulped down the rest of her drink and grabbed a beer from a waiter's tray and handed him a five.

"This is gross," Clare said pulling the beer bottle away from her lips.

"Beer's an acquired taste, bitter, not sweet like liquor," Bianca explained.

Clare drank the entire bottle quickly, "Ew, that was nasty."

"Then why did you drink it?" Bianca asked finishing her drink.

"I paid for it," Clare laughed.

Dead Hand started playing a few minutes later and both girls were very much into it. Bianca smiled fondly as she watched Clare jump up and down and cheer the band on with genuine excitement. Clare felt Bianca's eyes on her and turned to smile widely at her. They sang and danced to the songs, even though they weren't danceable.

Clare was having an amazing time. She was so out of character at the moment, the Saint Clare of last year was nonexistent. In this moment, Clare had forgotten everything that had happened in the last few months completely. Her old friends were still her friends, her parents were together and Darcy came home for good. It was a nice little fantasy. Clare couldn't remember the last time her cheeks had hurt from smiling and laughing so hard and so much.

Maybe it was the alcohol raging through her system or maybe it was the fact that she'd never had a friend like Clare before but as Bianca spun around dancing like an idiot she was happier than ever. Nothing bad had ever happened. Her mom hadn't forgotten her and her dad was waiting for her to tell him all about the concert at home. Moreover, she was Clare's friend because she was Clare's friend, not because they were both lonely.

But reality had a way of knocking them off their feet even when they knew that this happiness would only last as long as this night did. Bianca stopped twirling Clare abruptly when out of the corner of her eye she saw six people she was sure they wouldn't see. Drew, Alli, Fiona, Adam, Imogen and Eli were huddled together near one of the pillars about thirty feet from them.

It appeared that they hadn't been spotted yet even though she and Clare had kind of been making a spectacle of themselves. One thing was for sure, Bianca would not let Clare see them by any cost. Nothing was going to wipe the look of pure joy off of Clare's face. Not when it had taken so much to get it there.

"What?" Clare asked, trying to regain her balance after all the spinning.

"Nothing," Bianca said averting her gaze away from them so Clare wouldn't grow suspicious.

Clare shrugged and kept dancing while Bianca devised a plan in her mind to get Clare away from their line of sight, but more importantly get them out of Clare's.

Dead Hand transitioned from "Paisley Jacket" to one of their slower numbers.

"This is all for you lovers out there. Grab your lady or grab your man and enjoy this moment with them," the lead singer said into the microphone.

Bianca never wanted to smack someone as badly as she did in that moment.

Clare started swaying to the rhythm of the music with her eyes closed. Bianca looked away and prayed that Clare wouldn't see them. She was half way through and "Our Father" when she heard Clare choke on a gasp that could only mean one thing.

Well that was a bust, Bianca thought, so much for praying.

She turned to look at Clare, who now stood with shoulders slumped and arms across her chest. Clare was staring at the band with fierce intensity, trying hard not to let her eyesight fall onto the group because hated what she saw.

The stupid love song was only half way through and Eli had his arms around Imogen and was swaying her back and forth while he rested his head on top of hers.

"Clare," Bianca started, rubbing her shoulder softly.

"I guess luck is just not on my side," Clare said pathetically, recalling their conversation from earlier today.

"We can leave if you want," Bianca said sympathetically.

The energetic mood of the night had been sufficiently ruined anyway.

"Nope, we can't," Clare said suddenly and defiantly, she straightened her posture and put a big smile on her face.

"Why?" Bianca asked, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

"Because they just saw us," Clare said through gritted teeth.

Bianca snuck a peek at the group and sure enough Adam, Alli and Eli were staring at them. She turned her head and stared back at the band.

"What do we do now?" Bianca said, smiling.

"Have fun," Clare replied and started jumping and cheering again as the love song finally came to an end and a loud riff snarled from the guitarist's instrument.

A tiny waitress passed by and offered her tray to them, "Tequila shots on the house," she smiled.

Clare thought about saying no for a second before giving into temptation and took two shots off of her tray and handed one to Bianca.

"Thanks," Clare said sweetly.

"No problem, enjoy the rest of the show," the bubbly waitress said before going to offer shots to other people.

"Their watching us and Eli's giving me the death glare," Bianca whispered.

"Who cares? He lost the right to when he became an asshole," Clare said earnestly, "Bottoms up?"

Bianca and Clare clinked glasses and swallowed the bitter, dark brown liquor. Clare thoroughly enjoyed the slight burn she felt in her throat. To Bianca it was just another drink, already used to the bitter, burn and after taste of most liquor. She was surprised that Clare was still standing her ground, not vomiting in a toilet somewhere. They hadn't drunken a lot, but Clare had had vodka, gin, a beer, and the tequila. Bianca remembered the first time she drank; she was done after a few beers. Clare's solidity was impressive.

They gave the tiny glasses to a busboy passing by collecting them. Clare rocked back and forth on her heels to the beat of the song that was playing. She could feel someone's eyes on her. She subtly looked out of the corner of her eye and saw Eli staring at her, while still holding Imogen.

"Alli's giving me the stink eye," Bianca pointed out, "and Eli won't stop staring at you."

"Well he needs to stop, or his precious Imogen is going to notice," Clare clenched and unclenched her fists.

"Boo!" a voice whispered in between Bianca and Clare, making them jump.

"Ron-Ron!" Bianca yelped, smacking his bicep, "That's not nice."

"Yeah, you scared the living daylights out of us," Clare scolded coquette.

"I'm sorry," Ron-Ron said, throwing his arms around each of them, "let me make it up to you." Each girl saw that he was holding a drink for each of them.

Bianca squealed in delight.

"I just came to bid adieu to the two sexiest girls I saw all night," Ron-Ron said smugly.

Clare rolled her eyes and accepted her drink.

"Devil's Poison for the Fallen Angel," he whispered in her ear and Clare blushed ten different shades of red. Thank God for the dark room.

"And a Sazerac for my Bee," he turned to Bianca.

"Thank you," the girls said in unison.

"That won't do," he said cheekily. Ron-Ron tapped his cheeks indicating that he deserved a kiss from both of them.

Bianca and Clare looked at each other, rolled their eyes, and complied anyway.

"Much better," Ron-Ron stated as they pulled away, "Enjoy the drinks ladies."

He walked away leaving them alone once again.

"This is good," Clare said after taking a slow sip from her glass. "What is it?" she asked after a minute.

"Devil's Poison has rum in it," Bianca answered.

Clare shrugged and downed the rest of her drink in a few swallows.

"Whoa, slow down Clare," Bianca warned, "I'm strong, but even I won't be able to carry you up the stairs of your house if you're passed out in a drunken stupor."

"You can just drop me on the couch," Clare conceded with a laugh.

"I'm holding you to that," Bianca smiled.

Bianca and Clare rocked out to the next few songs but Clare stiffened in posture every time she felt Eli staring at her. She couldn't help the effect he still had over her. It made her angry that she couldn't move on like he obviously had.

"You don't need them," a familiar velvety voice whispered in her ear.

Clare swallowed a lump that formed in her throat.

"Who?" Clare asked, turning around to face Reese, who was now standing right by her side.

"Ex-boyfriend? Ex-friends?" Reese asked, "That group of people that so obviously turns to look after you every once in a while. Especially that one with the green eyes with his arms around the bandaged chick."

"Yup, that's her ex," Bianca answered for her, "and her old friends. They're all assholes."

"How did you guess?" Clare squeaked. Was she that easy to read?

"I've been watching you," Reese confessed, "You were ecstatic up until you saw them. Now you're less lively."

"Oh," Clare whispered, and Bianca wanted to smack Reese for making Clare self conscious.

"But don't worry, you look like you're having the time of your life and the ex looks like he wants to come over here and rip you away," Reese smiled.

"Well, he can't really do that anymore, can he?" Clare asked boldly, linking her arm through Reese's.

"Guess not," he replied looking down at their arms. He looked back up at Clare and smirked.

"Buy me a drink?" Clare asked coquette, staring Reese down with her big blue eyes.

"Of course," he replied, leading her to the bar, which was conveniently placed so they had to walk past Clare's old group of friends.

"Be right back," Clare turned to Bianca, who waved her off dismissively, too into the band to notice.

"Bring me something," she shouted after Clare.

They walked right past Eli and Co. without even glancing in her direction. Reese led Clare by the small of her back through the crowd of overbearing drunk idiots to get the bar.

"Ouch," Reese said rubbing the back of his head.

"What?" Clare asked confusedly.

"I think I'm actually hurt from the daggers your ex was glaring at me," he joked.

Clare giggled.

"What can I get you?" a different bartender asked.

Clare tried to think of something but Reese cut off her train of thought.

"I'll take a Paralyzer, my friend here will have an Aphrodisiac, and what did your friend want?" Reese asked.

"Water bottle," Clare told the bartender before turning to Reese, "she has to drive us back to my house."

"So you keep having fun while killing her buzz for the rest of the night?" Reese asked, "That's not very nice."

"I didn't say I was," Clare challenged, "and I could order for myself."

"I'm very aware of that, but I think you'll like this," He placed his arms on either side of Clare locking her between himself and the bar.

"Here you go," the bartender said, interrupting the moment. Reese paid him before leading Clare back to Bianca.

"Here Bee," Clare said innocently as she handed the water bottle to Bianca.

Bianca looked at the bottle, Clare's drink, then back at the bottle. She swiped Clare's glass from her hand and took a drink.

"Hey!" Clare laughed.

"Sharing is caring Edwards," Bianca defended sticking out her tongue and handing her the cup back.

Clare took a drink and turned to Reese with a surprised look on her face, "Oh my god, this is the best thing I've had all night."

"Told you so," Reese half smiled.

Clare smiled and turned towards the band, which was a few songs away from being done. She was finally starting to really feel the effects of the alcohol beginning to cloud her mind. The music was getting louder and the crowd was getting more rowdy.

"Hey, I want to go in there!" Clare shouted to Bianca and Reese and pointed to the mosh pit that was forming in the center of the crowd.

"You're drunk!" Bianca said, before downing a glass of straight whiskey that some creep had bought for her.

"So?" Clare asked.

"They'll crush you," Bianca shouted back over the loud bass thumping.

"No they won't," Clare pressed and grabbed Reese's arm, yanking him to her side. "Reese is going with me!"

"Yeah, okay," Reese laughed.

"Okay, I'll be right here, and if not, I'll be," Bianca waved her arm around the venue, "somewhere here." She laughed and it was obvious that the effects of the alcohol were starting to ambush her too.

"Okay," Clare said and marched towards the thickening crowd of people, dragging Reese in tow.

Reese guided Clare through the crowd of people, protecting her from concert-goers' elbows and shoves. Clare started jumping up and down, screaming her head off. The crowd got more aggressive as the songs started winding down and soon enough Clare and Reese were separated but Clare was pushed more towards the stage.

She looked around briefly for Reese but ended up turning back to the band, not really caring that she'd lost him. The final song finally came to an end and Clare didn't feel like pushing her way back to Bianca so she waited for the place to clear out by leaning against the stage.

"Hey," someone said from above her.

Clare looked up to see the lead singer of Dead Hand talking to her.

"Hi," Clare said shyly.

"Enjoy the show?" he asked as he wound up some cables from the microphone stands.

"Yeah, it was amazing, and it was my first show," Clare replied.

"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Clare nodded.

"Well then here," he said and handed her a drumstick, "take this as a souvenir."

"Thanks! Great show," Clare squeaked taking the drumstick and went off in search of Bianca. She was walking slowly and carefully, not wanting to fall and make an ass out of herself.

Bianca started laughing when she saw Clare teetering her way over.

"Where's Reese?" Bianca asked.

"I don't know. I think I lost him," Clare said seriously, which sent them both into another fit of laughter.

Clare felt a pair of strong hands grab her.

"Hey!" she shrieked trying to pull herself away, "Let me go!"

"C'mon we're taking you home," Eli said, appearing out of thin air, "both of you. You're too drunk to drive. How could you drink Clare?"

"I wanted to, now let me go." Clare said bitterly.

"C'mon, we'll take the both of you home," another voice said, Alli appeared next to Eli and Drew grabbed Bianca, who was seriously putting up a fight.

"We can take ourselves home," Bianca fought, trying to pull from Drew's grip.

"You're both drunk, who knows what accident you could get into," Adam whispered.

"Why do you care?" Clare bit back harshly, "And where's Imogen? I'm sure she doesn't want you taking me anywhere." She said to Eli.

"She's warming up the car, and she would rather us take you guys home than have to hear about you on the news," Eli said.

"That lying bitch," Clare accused, making Bianca laugh, hard.

She still struggled to pull from Eli, "Let me go. We have a way home."

"Yeah, who?" Eli challenged, dragging her towards coat check so she could get her things.

"Reese!" Clare shouted at him when she spotted him a short distance away.

"Yeah?" he said after he jogged over to them.

"You're taking me and Bianca home right?" She said emphasizing her words so they wouldn't come out slurred.

"Uh…yeah," Reese said, albeit confusedly.

"See. I have a way home, now let me go," Clare demanded.

"You just met this guy, we're not letting you go with him," Eli told her like she was stupid.

"We can let Bianca go," Alli mumbled under her breath.

"Shut the fuck up Alli," Clare snarled at her and Alli shrunk back.

"Is there a problem here?" a security guard came over to their group.

"Can you tell them to let us go please?" Clare said sweetly.

"Clare, no-," Eli started.

"Let her go sir," the officer commanded and Eli dropped his hands at the same time Drew dropped his from Bianca.

"Thanks, but you don't have the right to care about what happens to me now," Clare explained.

Clare pulled Bianca and they retrieved their things, Reese following close behind. Clare was either too angry or too drunk to put on her jacket, making Bianca laugh. Reese finally took her jacket from her and helped her put it on correctly.

The three of them walked into the almost empty parking lot and Bianca pulled out her keys, which Reese took.

"I'm driving," he said, "you're too drunk."

"I'm not getting in a car with you, what if you're a rapist," Bianca said half seriously and half jokingly.

"Fine, you take a cab, I'll take your car wherever it needs to go," Reese conceded.

"What if you steal my car?" Bianca shrieked and Clare just wanted to get home at this point.

"I called a cab, it can take you both to wherever you need to go and I'll follow and leave the car there and take the cab home, deal?" Reese said.

"Um..okay…," Bianca agreed, she didn't really hear what he said though, her mind had fogged up during his explanation.

The girls climbed inside the cab and gave Clare's address. Reese followed the cab home the entire way there. On the way home she showed Bianca the drumstick, which made her shriek with excitement.

"Your stop," the cab driver said pulling over. Reese pulled into Clare's driveway and climbed out, locking Bianca's car and handing her back the keys.

"Thanks," Clare shouted drunkenly.

"You're going to wake everyone up in your neighborhood," Bianca laughed.

"You're welcome, bye Clare," he said before climbing into the cab and leaving.

"Bye Clare," Bianca mimicked Reese's tone.

"Shut up," Clare laughed as she opened the door; they dropped their book bags, which had been left in Bianca's car, on the floor.

The lights were off but Clare had a creepy sensation that someone was in the house.

"Clare Diane Edwards, where the hell have you been?" a voice boomed from the living room, and suddenly all of the lights were on.

Randall Edwards walked out of the living room where he had been waiting for his daughter to get home.

"Dad?" Clare tried to ask but it came out as a slur.

"It's past midnight and," he stopped yelling when he smelled the alcohol, "are you drunk?"

Clare laughed. "Where have I been? Where have I been?" she said emphasizing herself. "I went to a concert and I got drunk because I let men buy me drinks. But enough about me, where have you been?" She yelled, "I haven't seen you in months and you suddenly show up?"

"Young lady, you have some nerve, you're just lucky I didn't call your mother, or-," He began.

"Or what?" Clare cut him off, "Call her. Please call her. I beg you, pick up the phone and call her right now. Tell her what I was out doing and at the same time, we can tell her about how you haven't shown up in more than four months."

Randall Edwards was silent to his daughter's threat. Bianca was shocked at Clare's outburst, standing quietly behind her.

"Want to guess who she'll be more pissed at? I sure as fuck know it won't be me. In fact, she'll probably blame my current state on you," Clare sneered and laughed.

Randall surrendered, "Fine. Go to sleep."

Clare and Bianca started walking up the stairs but Clare stopped suddenly.

"Oh how rude of me. Dad this," Clare said pointing to Bianca, "is Bianca. She's been staying in Darcy's room. You know? Your other daughter? The one who joined the Peace Corps. You would've known if you didn't suck as a father."

Bianca waved slowly and pushed a laughing Clare the rest of the way up the stairs.

Clare burst into her room and slammed the door shut. Bianca sat on the bed while Clare paced back and forth, running her fingers through her curls and pulling them. Clare was making herself dizzy and the alcohol was not helping. Tears started falling from her eyes before she even knew she wanted to cry.

Bianca got up to hug Clare, but she pushed her back and made a run for the bathroom. Clare dropped on her knees and threw up. Bianca held her hair the entire time and rubbed circles into Clare's neck.

After Clare had emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, she got up and washed out her mouth and face. She shut the faucet off and turned back to Bianca who was looking at her sadly.

Clare felt all the anger and sadness that she'd been repressing coming to a boil. Clare slid to the floor of her bathroom and broke down, choking on her sobs. Bianca fell to the floor next to Clare and pulled her into a hug.

"It's okay to be mad Clare," Bianca whispered, "it's okay to cry."

"I hate them. I hate them and I'm tired of crying for them," Clare choked out.

"No, you don't hate them," Bianca told her.

"No, but I wish I did," Clare whispered, still crying.

"That's the worst part, isn't it? The people you love hurt you so bad and you want to hate them, you really do, with all your heart. But you love them anyway, and just hope that they'll love you back," Bianca said, a few tears sliding down her own face.

Clare nodded solemnly, too upset to speak anymore.

They sat on the floor of Clare's bathroom for another half an hour. Clare finished her crying and they stood up.

"I think it's time we went to sleep," Bianca whispered looking at the clock; it was almost one thirty in the morning.

"Yeah," Clare agreed, "thanks for tonight by the way. Despite everything I still had a lot of fun."

"That was the idea," Bianca let out a lone chuckle, "I'm going to Darcy's room. Goodnight Cee."

"Goodnight Bee," Clare said and changed into her pajamas when Bianca went across the hall.

Clare climbed into her bed and attempted to fall into a sleep that would never come.

The next morning Clare awoke to the sound of a door slamming. Well, she didn't really "wake up" since she had never fallen asleep. She laid in her bed with her eyes wide open the rest of the night, thoughts running through her mind too fast for her to grasp them. Clare rubbed the tiredness from her eyes and ran downstairs to see that no one was home. Clare figured that her dad had gone off to work, but she had a strange feeling in her stomach that told her otherwise.

She ran up the stairs to the master bedroom and opened the door wide open to see that it was spotless, the bed was taut and wrinkle free, the pillows fluffed to their fullest and nothing in the room appeared to have been touched. Clare looked for the bag her father brought with him when it was his week but couldn't find it. She ran to the guest bedroom only to find that it wasn't there either.

He was gone. Again.

Clare walked to Darcy's room and knocked on the door.

"Bianca wake up, we have to get to school," Clare said.

She knocked a few more times and when there was no answer, Clare opened the door gently and poked her head in. The bed was neatly made, and all of the stuffed animals Darcy loved from when she was little were placed neatly at the head of the bed. It looked like the bed hadn't even been slept in.

Clare shivered and went back downstairs. She saw a flimsy piece of paper stuck to the refrigerator.

_We forgot my uniform at my house yesterday. Went to get it so neither of us would be late to school. See you later. :)_

_- Bianca_

Clare laughed emptily at the fact that even Bianca had the thought to leave a note and her father didn't.

Clare trudged back up the stairs to her bathroom, which still smelled vaguely of vomit. She showered and changed quickly, not putting any effort into how she looked today. She was too tired to care. She brushed her teeth and turned away from the reflection in the mirror.

She walked back downstairs and sat down at the counter with a plate of food but she wasn't hungry. She stared at the food for five minutes before just throwing it out. Her stomach growled in protest but Clare didn't care. She picked up her book bag and started on her walk to school.

By the time Clare reached the front steps, her head was pounding, reminding her of the night before. Damn hangover. The loud noises were grating and sounded ten times louder than they probably were. Clare covered her ears and walked into the school. She briefly wondered why her head began throbbing at school and not at home, but then remembered that it was most likely because at home it had been dead silent.

She walked to her locker slowly, trying not to make any sudden movements with her head. She looked up to see Bianca already waiting for her.

"Good morning," Bianca greeted happily and Clare wondered where her hangover was.

"I don't see anything good about it," Clare mumbled, opening her locker and taking her books for first and second period.

Bianca looked at her confusedly.

"My head is killing me," Clare whined. Someone slammed their locker, making Clare wince at the offending noise.

"Ah, you, my friend, have a hangover," Bianca stated obviously.

"Thanks for the intriguing detective work Sherlock," Clare said sarcastically.

"Here," Bianca said ignoring her comment, handing Clare a bottle of water and two aspirin.

"Thanks," Clare said gratefully, popped the pills into her mouth and washed them down with the water.

"No problem," Bianca sighed, "Yesterday was fun, wasn't it?"

Clare nodded, "Too bad I can only remember parts of it."

"You flirted with Ron-Ron," Bianca laughed.

"Ew," Clare wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Dr. Doom ten o'clock," Bianca said suddenly and sure enough, Eli emerged from the library and walked over to them.

"Did you get home okay?" He asked Clare, touching her arm gently.

"Well, duh, Captain Obvious. We're here safe and sound, aren't we?" Bianca answered mockingly.

"Bianca I wasn't -," Eli started.

"Leave me alone," Clare whispered in a tone that startled Eli. It was a tone of defeat, of absolute surrender.

Clare walked away from him, leaving him behind.

Bianca walked next to her, unsure of what to say. Even she had been startled by Clare's tone.

"You okay?" Bianca asked tentatively.

Clare straightened her posture and looked Bianca dead in the eyes. "I will be," she said certainly.

* * *

><p>This chapter was a little bit more about Clare. The next one will be more about Bianca. What did you think?<p>

Also I'm looking for a beta. I've been doing it for myself but after writing for so many hours and re-reading to see if a scene looks right, I can't catch many grammar mistakes. And later I am irked when I find them as I read my own story once it has been published. So if anyone wants to beta, leave a comment and I'll contact you. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the extra long wait, I know I promised last week but I was swamped with tests. I still am and I will be until the 19th. I'm updating OOTB tonight though, so yay? Thank you all for your sweet comments on this and my other story. Thank you so much to ZephyrHearts for being my beta for this! :)

Don't own Degrassi or Panic! at the Disco.

Read + Enjoy + Review :)

* * *

><p>It had been two months since the concert. Clare was completely ignoring Eli's existence. If she saw him in the hallway, her eyes averted. In class, she pretended he wasn't there. Bianca and she had also stopped hanging out at places like The Dot, where there was a bigger chance of running into Eli and company.<p>

Bianca was glad that Clare was trying to move on, but pretending that Eli and she had never happened was the wrong way to cope. Bianca thought that if a guy wasn't smart enough to know how to treasure you, then you had to show him what he was missing. Clare was walking around morose and empty, her eyes had lost their shine. It gave Bianca secondhand depression to see her friend so utterly miserable.

Clare and Bianca were standing in the middle of the gym. Jay-Z's "Dirt off Your Shoulder" was blaring from the small radio that always happened to be in there. Bianca's arms were raised in fighting position, her hands in fist formation and she had an angry look in her eye. To anyone watching them, it may have seemed like Bianca was about to knock Clare out.

"Now, you have to keep your arm straight," Bianca instructed, "step back and put your hands up at arms' length. I'm going to punch them."

Clare stepped back and did as she was told. Her arms trembled and when Bianca went in for the first hit, Clare shrieked and pulled away.

"Clare, I'm not actually going to hurt you, your hands are the least sensitive part of you," Bianca laughed.

"I know," Clare replied, "I just got scared for a moment."

"Well, that's what an attacker will want you to be. But you have to be sly and not let him know that you know how to fight," Bianca explained.

"But I don't know how to fight," Clare said.

"Which is why I'm teaching you to punch, every girl should know how to throw a decent punch and knock a fucker out," Bianca reiterated.

Clare didn't flinch at Bianca's foul language anymore. It was something she'd become accustomed to. Clare even found herself cursing at times, only when it was most necessary though.

"Okay, explain again please. From the start," Clare said.

"Clare pay attention," Bianca whined, "we've been at this for almost a half an hour and you haven't even tried yet."

"I will. Just one last time," Clare smiled.

"Okay. So ball up your hand into a fist, make sure your thumb is outside of your fist, or else you'll break it when you really try to punch someone. Keep your arms up, blocking your own face unless you're going in for the hit. Arm straight and throw your torso in the direction of the arm your hitting with. Pull the opposite elbow back, it makes the hit that much more painful. Always block your face with one arm," Bianca explained.

"Um…okay," Clare said, trying to grasp all the information.

Bianca demonstrated a few times, punching Clare's hands.

"I think I've got it," Clare interrupted suddenly, "my turn."

Clare put her arms up like Bianca and balled her hands up.

"Thumb out," Bianca grabbed Clare's hand and physically pulled Clare's thumb out of her fist, "or you'll break it."

"Sorry," Clare replied and continued. She launched her arm straight, throwing the right side of her body with it, pulling her left arm back. Clare repeated the action, until she felt comfortable.

"Good," Bianca clapped giddily, "Now punch my hands."

Clare got relaxed and ready. She punched Bianca's hands a few times.

"Harder Clare," Bianca demanded, "you're not going to hurt me."

Clare did as she was told, throwing a few more punches.

"What was with the sudden desire to teach me how to fight?" Clare asked breathlessly a few minutes later. Her knuckles were pulsating from the pain.

Bianca shrugged and bit her lip, "No reason."

Clare noticed her sudden nervousness and reluctance in answering. She let it go though. If Bianca was having problems, she would have told Clare already.

"There's no food in my house," Clare said quickly, changing the subject, "we should go out to eat tonight."

"Alright," Bianca replied, grateful that Clare wasn't going to give her the third degree. She'd tell Clare what had happened later.

"Now let's really fight," Clare put her arms up and smiled mischievously. Bianca smirked and put her arms up as well, before throwing a gentle punch at Clare's left arm.

They were driving to Little Miss Steaks. The tension inside the car was palpable and Bianca's nervous tapping on the wheel made Clare want to grab it and drive herself, if she knew how to drive.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you?" Clare asked, looking directly at Bianca.

"Am I that easy to read?" Bianca asked.

"No," Clare replied, "but I know you and you're never nervous. And you're only ever anxious like this when something has happened at home. Is everything okay?"

Bianca sighed and pulled her car into an empty spot on the road.

"You know how I mentioned that I've never gotten along with my step-dad?" Bianca asked.

Clare nodded, "Never gotten along is a tame phrase, you told me you hate him."

"I do," Bianca replied, "especially after yesterday."

Clare turned her whole body towards Bianca. "What happened?" She asked nervously.

"Yesterday when I was home, I got into a really big argument with him. He called me a slut, a druggie, and yelled at me for never being home. He started giving me all of these restrictions and I laughed in his face. I told him he wasn't my father and to fuck off," Bianca's breaths were coming out in heaves as she continued to explain, "I turned to go to my room but he pulled me back, hard. He tried to hit me but my reflexes were quicker and I punched him right in the nose. He started bleeding, I think I broke it. I ran to my room and locked the door, thinking that he might come after me. My mom finally came in a few minutes later. Do you know what she had the audacity to ask me?"

Clare shook her head.

"She told me to go apologize to him. I started crying and she just kissed my head and told me to behave," Bianca was crying now, "he tried to hit me and she didn't even mention that."

Clare put her hand on Bianca's arm and squeezed it.

Bianca wiped her eyes hastily and started the car again, pulling out of the parking space, "It doesn't matter though. You know why?"

Clare shrugged.

"Because I'm getting out of there, she can live with her stupid new family," Bianca said harshly, "but I will not put up with some asshole's bullshit and no one is going to raise their fucking hand to me."

The car was silent for a few minutes.

"So can I come stay with you, only more permanently?" Bianca asked tentatively.

Clare gave her a flabbergasted look, "Of course you can. You didn't even have to ask."

Bianca smiled gratefully.

The girls were sitting in a booth at Little Miss Steaks. Clare had been reluctant to go after what Bianca had told her. But Bianca reassured Clare that she was fine and was happy to have her as a friend to count on.

They were munching on the fried avocado with bacon appetizers. Holly J brought their orders and both girls hungrily dug in.

"We have to tell your mom that I'm more or less living with you," Bianca commented as she ate.

"Nope," Clare moved her food around her plate absentmindedly, "mom only comes in two or three times during her week to make sure the house is clean. I highly doubt she'll notice another person living there."

Bianca nodded, feeling sad for her friend. She knew Clare sometimes got depressed over the absence of her once tightly knit family. She wanted to ask if Darcy or her dad had called as of late but decided against it. The answer was more than likely 'no' and she didn't want to make Clare feel even worse.

"Ugh, talk about a loss of appetite," Bianca said putting her fork down and looking at something behind Clare.

"What?" Clare asked.

Bianca gestured with her chin to the area behind Clare.

Clare turned around and saw Fiona, Jenna, Imogen and Alli sitting together, chatting away.

Clare and Bianca had seen all four of them together on more than one occasion. They were an odd bunch. Alli and Fiona looked like they would hang out together, given their similar interests and love of fashion. Jenna was waddling everywhere now, her stomach about to burst. But Imogen looked completely out of place most of the time. Her dark hair and dark clothes didn't go with the other three girls' dynamic. Neither did Jenna's cheesy pop star slash country girl chic look, in maternity clothes no less, but that was another story. Imogen looked like a walking, talking photo bomb.

According to Bianca, Imogen also looked like she hadn't showered in days most of the time. Clare tried not to laugh when Bianca had said that, but burst out laughing in the end.

"How the hell do we always manage to run into them?" Clare spat, throwing her napkin on the table.

"You say that like this town is enormous," Bianca muttered, "everyone in this one horse town goes to the same places for everything. A third of the town is in this general area."

Clare turned back and pretended to not see them, or hear their laughter. Bianca didn't have trouble ignoring them; her attention was on something else completely.

Bianca was staring a tall, olive skinned man. He had dark black hair that was thinning out and had flecks of grays here and there. His eyes were big and the same dark brown as her own.

Bianca took a sip of her drink and tried to remember where she'd seen this man before. Clare noticed her staring and turned her head to the left to see what she was looking at.

In that moment the mysterious man must have felt two pairs of eyes on him because he raised his head in their direction.

Bianca felt the oxygen get caught in her throat and her iced tea went down the wrong pipe.

Those eyes that were looking at her were the same eyes that used to read her stories and sing her lullabies before bed when she was little. It was her father. Older, more rugged and wrinkled from work no doubt, but underneath all that Bianca recognized him.

She almost cried because she didn't recognize him right away.

His eyes bore into hers for a moment, questioningly, and a wave of realization crashed over him. His eyes widened and Bianca noticed the way he froze in his seat. He stared back at her a few more seconds before turning back and giving his undivided attention to the woman in front of him.

"Who's that?" Clare asked when Bianca tore her gaze away from him.

"It's my dad," Bianca whispered, amazed.

Clare eyes practically jumped out of their sockets and turned back to give him another look over, "Oh my God."

"I know," Bianca said eating quickly.

Her father got up from his table a few minutes later and turned to leave, without acknowledging Bianca.

She threw her napkin on her unfinished meal, grabbed her jacket and took off after him.

Bianca practically ran through the restaurant, bumping into more than one waitress or busboy in her chase. She threw open the door and saw the man going towards a nice black car with the woman he was with.

Bianca ran up to him from behind and grabbed his arm. He turned to look down at her.

"Dad?" Bianca asked tentatively.

"Walter, who is this?" the woman from the restaurant questioned.

"Go wait in the care," he said to her, "I'll explain later." The woman eyed them wearily but walked to the car without a word. He turned back to Bianca and gave her a once over.

"Bianca?" he asked in a tone of voice that Bianca should have worried about, if she wasn't so happy.

"Oh my god," Bianca yelled, "It is you!" She threw her arms around him, squeezing tightly, and buried her face in his chest like she used to as a little girl.

"Binky, you're all grown," her father replied, hugging her back awkwardly.

Bianca was too happy to be embarrassed over the nickname he had given her when she was little. No one had called her "Binky" in years.

"Dad, I missed you so much," Bianca said into his leather jacket, "you came back, just like you promised."

"Binky," he started.

"No," Bianca cut him off, "it's okay daddy. You came back and that's all that matters. You don't have to apologize. Can we go somewhere and catch up? Please?"

"I can't right now," he replied, "I have to take Lilly back to our hotel, she's feeling very tired. We had a long day." He gestured to the woman in the car, who was looking at them with a curious expression on her face.

"Oh, okay," Bianca mumbled, not pulling away, "can we meet tomorrow? Please?"

Mr. DeSousa scratched his head nervously, "Sure Binky, you name the time and place."

"Four-thirty at the ice cream place you used to take me to when I was little?" Bianca asked.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow Bianca," he replied unevenly.

"Great," Bianca said, unnoticing of his stance. She hugged him tightly once more before parting.

Mr. DeSousa walked away swiftly, climbed into his car and drove away with the woman already badgering him with questions.

"How was the reunion?" Clare asked, coming out of Little Miss Steaks.

"We're getting together to talk tomorrow," Bianca replied excitedly.

"That's good Bianca. That's really good," Clare smiled softly.

They were lying on Darcy's old bed. Her stuffed animals were strewn around the room. The window was open and the smell of rain was carried in by the chilly breeze. Clare could never understand how Bianca could sleep with the window slightly open, even in the dead of winter.

Bianca had been talking non-stop since the restaurant. It made Clare happy to see her friend so ecstatic, especially since she'd had the small breakdown in the car earlier.

"He came back Clare," Bianca said quietly, "just like he promised."

Clare smiled, nodding once although she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Bianca bit her lip hard, almost to the point of drawing blood. She had been a nervous wreck all day. She hadn't even said something snarky or offensive to anyone, and the day was almost over. Her nails were bitten down to the stubs. They looked terrible, and they hurt a little bit.

She wished Clare was here. Psychology was annoying. The only thing the teacher wanted to do was for the entire class to get inside each other's heads. Bianca laughed to herself and wondered what was going on inside the head's of the few classmates that were in this class.

Eli sat in the back corner, by himself. Bianca would like to get inside his head and find out why he had been so extreme in his feat to stay with Clare and then be so vicious with her when she tried to get him the help be obviously needed.

Imogen sat in the front of the class, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over wrists. Bianca saw the white bandages that were around them and wondered what her deal was, other than she was a cutter. She also wondered why she wasn't next to Eli in class when out of class they were a corny, disgusting love fest that was always around for Clare to see. Bianca thought the cynical bitch deserved a good slap.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. Bianca quickly shoved everything into her book bag and sped to the door.

Clare was standing outside the threshold waiting for her.

"Nervous?" Clare asked when she took in the horrified look on Bianca's face.

"Beyond," Bianca replied, and showed Clare her hands, "but I can't wait. I don't remember the last time I was this happy."

Clare smiled shakily.

Bianca raised an eyebrow, "Clare, what's wrong? You've been really weird since dinner yesterday."

"It's just," Clare bit her lip.

"Spit it out Edwards," Bianca urged.

"You're so happy, and I just, I don't want you to get your hopes too high if things don't turn out like you think they're going to," Clare explained.

"Oh Clare, everything will be just fine," Bianca threw an arm around her and they started walking out of the school.

"I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach," Clare mumbled.

"Stop being so negative, everything is going to be great," Bianca assured her, "do I look nervous to you?"

Clare grabbed Bianca's hand and showed her the harshly bitten nails.

Bianca yanked her hand back, "I'm not nervous, okay? So please just be happy for me."

"I am," Clare smiled gently.

"Good," Bianca gave her toothy smile, "Now let's go. I'll drop you off at home and then I'll go meet my dad."

They got into the car and as Bianca started the car a feeling of worry washed over her and she briefly wondered if Clare's bad feelings were an omen.

Bianca sat in a back booth by herself. She took small sips from a tall glass of strawberry milkshake and tapped her fingers nervously on the table. The repeated tapping made the stubs of her fingers throb.

A tiny bell chimed from the entrance and Bianca looked up to see her dad walking in. When he spotted her he worked his way over to her. He slipped into the seat opposite Bianca.

"I ordered you a banana apple milkshake, I remember you always drank that when you used to bring me here," Bianca said, trying to break the ice.

"Oh, thanks Binky," he smiled warmly at her.

"How are you?" Bianca asked.

"Good," he replied nervously.

A brief, awkward silence engulfed them.

"You grew up Bianca, I can't believe I'm looking at a young woman who was once my little girl," he said sadly.

"Why did you go?" Bianca asked.

"Your mother and I fought too much," Mr. DeSousa started.

"I never saw you two fight," Bianca said confusedly, "not once."

"We never wanted you to see," he explained, "but it was only getting worse. We didn't want you to grow up like that, so I left."

"Where did you go?" Bianca asked, interrupting him.

"I lived in Chicago for awhile, then New York City. I finally settled in Pittsburgh," he answered.

"You left to the States? Why didn't you stay here?"

"I wish I could answer that, but I'm not sure myself," he said evenly and honestly.

"Well the important thing is that you're back now," Bianca said.

A strange look passed over Mr. DeSousa's face that Bianca didn't catch.

"Bianca…I'm not back," he said.

"You're not?"

"No," he started, "I only came here because my wife insisted on seeing where I grew up. We're going back to the States tomorrow."

"So you had no intention of finding me?" Bianca asked.

"Bianca, I couldn't just find you after almost ten years," Mr. DeSousa said, "What was I supposed to do? Show up out of the blue and take you away? Life doesn't work like that Binky. I was going to try to find you when you were older."

"Then why are we here?" Bianca asked. "Why did you agree to see me if you're just going to go back tomorrow?"

"When I saw you yesterday in the restaurant with your friend, I had every intention of ignoring you, but then you saw me and you're face looked so full of hurt," he said.

"I'm not living at home," Bianca said suddenly. "I've been staying over my friend Clare's house frequently over the last couple of months, but yesterday I made a permanent move after my mom's husband tried to hit me. She doesn't care. She has a new family now. Why can't I come live with you?"

"Bianca, you know I can't and won't do that," Mr. DeSousa tried to explain, "Live with your friend Clare until you finish high school. Try to work things out with your mom. Call me if you need anything though." He pulled out a card and wrote his number on the back of it.

Bianca's hands were balled up in fists in her jacket, "Forget it then. I don't want anything. Go back to your stupid perfect life. We can pretend we never saw each other again."

Bianca stood up from the table and exited the parlor. She climbed into her car, turned it on and gripped the wheel with trembling hands. Bianca sped away to the place she hadn't visited in weeks.

Clare was worried. Bianca should have been home hours ago. It was almost eleven at night. She wondered what happened with her father and bit her thumbnail.

"I shouldn't have let her go alone," Clare muttered to herself and paced in her living room.

The ugly grandfather clock that stood in the hallway rang, signaling the hour. Clare sighed and donned on her denim jacket.

Clare had every intention of going out to look for Bianca but it was raining too hard. For a second she considered going out in the harsh weather anyway but realized that within the hour she'd be cold, sick, and someone would probably have to come find her.

Clare pulled out her phone and called the one person she didn't want to think about. It rang a few times before a tired, but not sleepy voice picked up.

"Hello?" the voice said softly.

"I need your help," Clare said impatiently.

"Clare?" the voice asked, now fully awake and surprised.

"Can you come get me?"

"Be there in ten."

Bianca sat on a dirty towel that covered the damp soil. She was high as a kite and drunker than Lindsay Lohan on a Saturday night. She could be at home angry and bitter, but instead she chose to forget, even if it was only until she crashed.

It was raining, but not hard like it had been a few minutes ago.

Bianca didn't notice which direction she had been driving in until she pulled up and parked next to some garbage cans next to the ravine. A few people, people Bianca wouldn't call friends more like hook ups, were surprised to see her stroll in like normal.

Ron-Ron pulled up to the ravine a few hours later, he was surprised to see Bianca there as well. "Haven't seen you since the concert," he mumbled teasingly, dropping to sit next to her, "Thought you'd be bible humping with Saint Clare."

Bianca got angry, "Don't talk about her like that. Clare's my friend."

"If she's your friend why aren't you with her then? I can tell you've been here for a while," he replied, taking a sip from his beer.

"I…she…," Bianca tried to explain, but had trouble composing a logical sentence.

Instead she took another toke from the joint that she held in between her fingers. Bianca smiled as she felt the thick smoke burning her lungs. She passed the joint to Ron-Ron, effectively making him shut up as he made a noise of appreciation, before taking a toke.

Bianca let her head fall back and she gazed up at the dark night sky. Everything was a blur. She wasn't sure how much or what she'd drunken in the last few hours but she didn't care. It was obviously enough to help her forget.

Bianca shut her eyes briefly, trying to numb the subtle headache that was sure to be a full blown migraine later. Suddenly, she felt someone drop on their knees next to her. Bianca opened her eyes to see Clare, looking at her with her big blue eyes full of concern.

"It's not polite to stare," Bianca slurred.

Clare leaned over and smacked Ron-Ron's chest, "What did you give her?"

"Hey, Fallen Angel, want to have some fun?" He asked, ignoring her question.

Clare rolled her eyes and turned back to Bianca, "What did you take?"

Bianca shrugged and giggled. Clare sighed pushed herself into a standing position. She offered her hand to Bianca, who stared at it bewilderedly. Through the cloudiness of her high, Bianca was reminded of something.

She laughed out loud and took Clare's hand, but didn't have the strength to stand up, "This is how we started talking, remember?"

Clare looked at her confusedly, and pulled her up with a strength Bianca wasn't aware Clare possessed.

"That day, you slammed into me in the hallway, I offered you my hand and helped you up," Bianca reminded her.

Clare nodded and smiled fondly.

Bianca teetered on her feet, but Clare held onto her. She took a few steps on the uneven ground and ended up back in the damp dirt.

"Can you help me?" Clare asked someone else.

Bianca felt someone slide their arms around her and pull her up from the ground.

"How drunk is she?" a gruff voice asked.

Bianca recognized it immediately, "Put me down." She weakly tried to hit Eli's chest and push him away.

"You can't even walk," he said with dark humor.

"I'd rather fall," Bianca stuttered.

"Really, well then be my guest," Eli stopped suddenly.

"Just take her to the hearse," Clare said trying to stop an argument.

Clare opened Morty's back door and Eli laid Bianca there.

"Am I dead?" Bianca asked mockingly.

"You're going to wish you were dead when you wake up from that hangover," Eli said.

"Leave her alone," Clare scolded lightly and shut the door.

Bianca curled up and closed her eyes, breathing evenly to stop the feeling of nausea from overwhelming her in the moving vehicle.

When Bianca opened her eyes she was on Darcy's bed. Eli and Clare towered over her and she waved them away.

"Leave me alone," she muttered, grabbing a pillow and putting it over her face.

"She'll be a bucket of fun tomorrow morning," Eli muttered sarcastically.

"Thank you for helping me Dr. Doom, but I still want to punch you in the face for hurting Clare," Bianca mumbled from beneath the pillow.

Clare bit her thumbnail nervously.

"Stop biting your nail," Eli and Bianca said at the same time.

Clare crossed her arms and tapped her foot nervously on the hardwood floors.

"Please stop that," Bianca whined, her headache starting to become prominent.

"I'll leave you two alone," Eli said, turning to leave. "Have fun cleaning her vomit Clare."

Bianca could hear Eli's hard footsteps going down the stairs and Clare's softer ones chasing after him.

She could hear them talking loudly, the start of an argument no doubt, but Bianca tuned them out, slipping into a fitful sleep.

"You sure know how to pick your friends Clare" Eli said mockingly, holding onto the handle of Clare's front door.

"I pick even better boyfriends," Clare said icily and Eli froze.

"Sorry," he mumbled under his breath. Clare wondered what he was apologizing for, his comment or his actions.

"Thank you," Clare said, looking away.

"It was nothing," Eli choked out, "let her sleep, and put a garbage can by her bed. Don't make too much noise in the morning. I probably wouldn't feed her anything heavy either, she looks a wreck."

Clare nodded and bit her thumbnail again, "Thanks again."

"You know you can call me for anything, right Clare?" Eli asked, putting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently.

Clare shrugged him off and narrowed her eyes, "This changes nothing Eli."

"I know," he replied and left, closing the door behind him.

Bianca's eyes fluttered open and she tried to block the light that was peeking in through the blinds.

She felt absolutely terrible and it physically hurt to move. Her head was throbbing and her body felt heavy and empty. She was sweaty and dirty from being in the ravine.

Bianca stood up slowly and carefully, making her way to Darcy's tiny bathroom. She fell on her knees, and threw up the liquor contents of her stomach into the toilet. She flushed and slid to the cold floor, which made her feel better.

"You should shower, it'll make you feel ten times better than the cold floor," Clare said softly and Bianca wondered how long she'd been in the room.

"I came to check on you when I heard you trudging to the bathroom," Clare explained as if reading Bianca's mind.

Bianca nodded once, determined to not move her head any more than she needed to. Clare turned and left the bathroom, closing the door gently behind her. Bianca stood up slowly; gripping the sink like it was her lifeline. She peeled off her jeans, which had grass and dirt stains on them. Her shirt was sweaty, heavy, and it reeked of alcohol and God knows what else. Her hair smelled like weed and cigarettes.

Bianca climbed into the shower and turned the water on cold. She let the icy liquid beat down on her, waking her up and cooling down the feeling of nausea and feverishness she had. She spent half an hour just standing under the spray before scrubbing herself clean, twice.

Bianca grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped herself in it. She stepped out and over the dirty clothing to get to Darcy's room. Bianca pulled on underwear and a bra before standing in front of the mirror, because inspecting yourself naked was weird.

Bianca carefully took a look at her arms, legs, torso and back to make sure she wasn't hurt. There was a bruise on her leg, probably from tripping. A few scratches on the palms of her hands, from being on the ground, but other than that Bianca couldn't find one blemish on her body. She sighed in relief, having concluded that she hadn't done something stupid like have sex with some stranger in her intoxicated state.

She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, before throwing on a sweatshirt over it. Bianca opened the window to let the smell of alcohol and sweat go away and pulled the bed dressings off of the bed. She balled them up and grabbed her dirty, disgusting clothes from the night before and carefully walked down the stairs.

She tossed everything into the laundry machine at once and set it on the highest degree of cleanliness. Bianca saw the grandfather clock read ten thirty. She had no intention of going to school, but was surprised to see Clare sitting on one of the high chairs of her kitchen's island.

Clare didn't look up from the magazine she was flipping through and pushed a tall cup of steaming hot coffee, some aspirin and a glass of water in her direction. Bianca downed two pills and pulled up a chair next to Clare.

She took the hot mug into her hands and smiled gratefully at Clare before taking a long drink of the bitter black liquid, not caring that it burned her tongue.

"Feeling better?" Clare asked, flipping the page.

"Much," Bianca replied.

"Good," Clare continued to look at the magazine but moved it closer to Bianca so she could see too.

They flipped through the entire magazine and Clare flipped the back cover and looked at Bianca with an expectant look in her eye. She was hoping that Bianca would talk about what happened yesterday, but Bianca looked away.

Clare sighed, "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Bianca felt the nausea return, "I should have listened to you."

"What did he say?" Clare asked.

"He only came here to show his new wife where he grew up. His intention wasn't to find me. He's starting a new family," Bianca said monotonously. "He was going to ignore me when we saw each other in the restaurant, and he wouldn't take me with him. Not even after I told him Jeff tried to hit me. He told me to work things out with my mom."

Clare frowned.

"I more or less told him to fuck off then," Bianca continued, "what a fucking terrible daughter I must be if both my parents started new lives and completely forgot to give me a place in it."

"You're not terrible," Clare comforted her.

"Then how come neither of them wants me?" Bianca choked on a sob that she'd been holding back since the previous day.

Clare didn't know how to reply; instead she pulled Bianca into a hug and let her defiant friend cry it all out.

"You never did tell me why you didn't just leave me home alone yesterday," Bianca noted, climbing up the steps of Degrassi after their one day absence.

Clare shrugged, "Didn't want to leave you alone, that's all."

"That's fine and dandy Clare," Bianca remarked, "but really, did you argue with Eli or something? Does he need to get smacked? Because trust me, I'm just waiting for someone to say anything so I can pounce."

Bianca was over being sad, being miserable and depressed. All that did was waste time with which she could be doing something else; like beating the crap out of your friend's exes for them.

"No," Clare replied, "We didn't fight. I just made it clear that nothing changed just because he helped me and you."

"Why did you call him?" Bianca asked when they'd reached Clare's locker.

"He's the only person I knew who'd be awake at that time," Clare explained, "and the only one with a car who could help me get to you."

Bianca nodded.

"Can I ask you for something?" Clare mumbled.

"Sure," Bianca replied.

"Can you teach me how to drive?" Clare asked.

Bianca thought about it briefly. "Sure," she finally responded.

"Good," Clare smiled appreciatively.

The day went by quickly, and people must have sensed that Bianca was pissed off because no one tried to cross her.

Clare managed to convince her to go to the stupid basketball game after school instead of going straight home to mope. They were among the first to arrive and grabbed seats near the edge, where they could climb down and leave should they want to.

The gym started filling up quickly and Clare's heart jumped when she saw Alli, Imogen, Jenna and Fiona walk in through the doors.

Alli, Fiona and Jenna were wearing Power Squad uniforms. Jenna was wearing an altered one of course. Imogen stood out by them like a sore thumb. Clare briefly wondered if Eli told Imogen about her calling him.

Her questions were answered when Imogen shot her the dirtiest look she could muster. Bianca snorted and laughed loudly.

Imogen threw one of her ugly platform boots on the bleacher and climbed up until she was by them. Jenna and Alli trailed behind while Fiona opted to stay on the floor, clearly irritated with all of their stupid arguing.

"Can we help you?" Bianca asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting ready for the game," Jenna replied like Bianca was stupid.

Bianca snorted, "Alli and Fiona I can understand. But you? You're still cheering? Won't the baby fall out? And I thought cheerleaders were supposed to be happy and bubbly? Why the hell is the Bride of Chucky here?" She gestured to Imogen, whose fists were clenched and cheeks were red with anger.

"You've got some nerve you little bitch," Imogen spat, glaring at Clare.

"The fuck?" Bianca asked.

"Eli told me that you called him last night to help you find this drunken slut," Imogen said, "Stay away from him Clare. You fucked up what you had with him when you left and you're not going to get him back. I'm here now and I'm the one with him. You're the bitch who left him alone when he needed you the most. You're a fucking terrible person who pretended to love him and you need to leave him alone. Get over him Clare because trust me, he's gotten over you."

Clare's felt her anger rising and before she processed what she was doing she had cold-cut punched Imogen in her stupid face. Imogen grabbed her nose and widened her eye. When she pulled her hand back, there were specks of blood all over it. The people surrounding them gasped.

Imogen growled and pulled her fist back to retaliate but Clare caught her hand before it made contact with her face. She pushed Imogen into sitting position and climbed over to hit her again when she felt someone pulling her back.

"That was awesome but it's not worth it," Bianca said, tugging Clare's arm, "let's go before the narks show up."

Clare shook her head and glanced down at the blood that was dripping down Imogen's face. Jenna and Alli were holding a thrashing Imogen back, who kept trying to take swipes at Clare. Alli looked at Clare with wide, surprised eyes, before shaking her head and pulling Imogen, along with Jenna, into the girl's locker room to get her cleaned up.

Bianca and Clare made a hasty exit, leaving behind a small show that was sure to be the talk of tomorrow.

"What brought that on?" Bianca asked.

"She's a bitch," Clare snapped.

"Besides that," Bianca smiled.

"She deserved more," Clare punched her own thigh, "how dare she fucking say that I didn't love Eli? How dare she!"

Clare burst into tears of anger, mostly at herself.

"It's okay Clare," Bianca soothed, "you know that you loved Eli, that you still do. You know that you wanted him to get the help he needed without you being his sole reason to do so."

"And why can't anyone else see that?" Clare screeched.

"Because people are pricks, they want everyone to hold their fucking hand through everything," Bianca said.

Clare wiped her eyes and felt stupid for crying, she shook her hand, trying to ease the pain.

"What's wrong?" Bianca asked.

"I forgot to keep my thumb out when I punched Imogen," Clare giggled through her sniffles.

Bianca slapped her forehead and laughed.

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Hello pretty people! Thank you for being so patient with this. It takes me long to write this story because I only have a very, **_very_** loose outline of what's to happen. In fact, it's only a list of really big events that I imagined happening before I got to actually writing it. So it takes time to fill in the details that lead up to that. But here's chapter four! Thank you for all of your lovely reviews. :)

Beta - WhatEverHappened [who beta'd this so quickly! Thank you 3]

Don't Own Degrassi or Panic! At the Disco

Read + Review

* * *

><p>Clare sat on her bed in shock. She couldn't believe it. She'd actually punched Imogen. Clare couldn't believe she'd actually laid a hand on another person.<p>

A small smile found its way onto her face. Imogen had deserved it though. How the fuck could she tell Clare that she didn't love Eli?

That bitch didn't know anything.

Bianca bounded up the stairs and ran into Clare's room, jumping on her bed.

"Moreno attacks verbally, riling up Edwards. Edwards takes it, seems to be down and out at Moreno's insults. Edwards stands up, knocks Moreno the fuck out. Moreno falls on bench like a dumbass and Edwards is the winner!" Bianca yelled, in her best boxing commentator voice.

She lifted Clare's arm in the air as victory and slapped a leather belt in her hand like the trophies real boxers received.

Clare laughed, "Thanks."

"I didn't know you had it in you, Clare," Bianca said honestly, stealing her pillow.

"Neither did I," Clare giggled stealing the pillow back and placing in the middle so they could share.

"The look on their faces was pure gold," Bianca spoke amusedly, "I'm sure that for a second people thought I did it because since when would Saint Clare fight?"

Clare shrugged, "Since she got fed up with everything."

A loud knock came from the front door, silencing that girls' laughter.

"I'll go see who it is," Clare jumped from the bed and made her way downstairs.

She opened the door a little bit and saw Eli standing on her doorstep with a dark expression on his face, a mixture of anger and frustration.

"What?" Clare asked, surprised by his visit.

"Can we talk?" Eli asked, clenching his teeth.

Clare was confused but opened her door to him. Eli walked in and straight into her living room.

"What?" Clare asked again.

Eli stood about a foot away from her, contemplating on how to start.

"How could you punch her?" Eli asked, exasperatedly.

"Excuse me?" she was annoyed now. Clare wasn't going to let him berate her over punching the lights out of his girlfriend. Instead, she was going to go celebrate with Bianca over smoothies, or shopping.

"I can't believe you hit Imogen. I know she's obviously not your favorite person in the world, but what did she do that could push you to hit her? I took her home in tears and her nose is all purple," Eli spit.

"Are you really here to make me feel bad over punching your girlfriend?" Clare asked. "She started it. Maybe you should ask her what she said to me before coming here to give me a piece of your mind."

"No, I want you to tell me," Eli said.

"I don't have to explain myself to you anymore Eli," Clare objected.

"Goddamn it Clare!" Eli threw his arms in the air is surrender, "What is wrong with you?"

Clare rolled her eyes, "I'm perfectly fine."

"No! No you're not! This isn't you! Don't you see what this friendship with that deranged, drug addicted, slutty, juvie poster girl is doing to you? She's changing you!" Eli yelled, grabbing Clare by her shoulders and shaking her violently.

Clare tried to pull herself away from him, but his grip on her only got stronger, and it was getting a bit painful. Eli held her to his chest tightly, breathing in the sweet scent of her strawberry shampoo.

She tried freeing herself from him hold but he only squeezed her harder. Clare finally succumbed to his restraints and went limp in his arms. He was too strong, and she was too weak to fight him. She didn't want to fight it.

"You have to take care of yourself Blue Eyes," Eli whispered, hooking a ringlet behind her ear. "She's a bad influence on you."

"You lost the right to call me that," Clare came to her senses and pushed away from him with more force than she knew she had, "and to tell me what to do."

"How am I the villain in this?" Eli asked exasperatedly. "You broke up with me remember?"

"I didn't…I…You weren't," Clare tried to explain but gave up with a loud sigh.

"What's going on here?" Bianca asked, standing on the bottom of the stairs with an angry look on her face.

"This is all your fault!" Eli accused, pointing at Bianca.

Bianca furrowed her eyebrows in amusement, "My fault? You want to put this on me? You should've seen the wreck you left her in!"

Eli sprang back in confusion, "Wreck I left her in? She broke up with me!"

"No she didn't! God why are you so dense?" Bianca shouted.

Clare decided to intervene before Bianca shouted any more information than she should at him.

"Look Eli," Clare started, slipping between him and Bianca, who were dangerously close to being able to physically hurt each other, "Bianca is my friend. My best friend. You took things the wrong way, and didn't let me explain. You don't get to hate me and want to help me. Now please leave."

Eli stood in front of her with an awestruck look on his face. He mumbled something incoherent and turned away, slamming the door shut behind him.

Bianca jumped down from the last step with a smile on her face.

"Smoothies? Are we still celebrating?" she asked excitedly.

"He pretty much killed my good mood," Clare sighed, sitting on the couch.

"What an asshole," Bianca agreed.

The girls turned on the television and watched brain cell killing programming until the late night hours.

xXx

The next morning Bianca was anything but happy at having to go into Psych class. There was going to be an assignment where two people were paired up and you had to get to know them very well, and try to help them through their problems. Bianca thought the assignment was stupid already, how were a bunch of teenagers supposed to help each other through their issues if they couldn't help themselves?

She slid into her seat and waited for class to begin. Students filed in slowly. She sat back and watched Eli and Imogen walk in. Bianca couldn't hold back a laugh when she saw Imogen's nose. It was bruised in purple, black, blue, and still very swollen. Imogen shot her a dirty look when she noticed her laughing. However, this only served to make Bianca laugh even more

When everyone was seated at their desks the teacher pulled out a list of the students who were to be paired up for the assignment.

"Reggie, Matt. Hannah, David. Imogen, Fiona. Nicholas, Savannah. And finally Bianca and Eli," the teacher said calmly.

Bianca shot forward in her seat and raised her hand, "Sorry I need a new partner because if I'm with him, I don't promise that he'll show up to class in one piece"

Eli raised his hand as well, "I agree, I can't work with someone who spends half her life filing the same goddamn nail."

"Is that the best insult you can throw at me Dr. Doom?" Bianca snorted.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings," Eli retorted.

The class looked at the two bickering teenagers in awe.

"I didn't know you had compassion, seeing as you lack a soul," Bianca replied.

"Wow, like I haven't heard that one before? Where do you get your cheap insults? Is there a book or something that you're reading? Now that you've recently learned what a book is. Because I could really teach you some better ones like-," Eli started.

"Enough!" the teacher shouted, slamming her book on the desk making the class jump.

"I want both you to suck it up. You are each other's partners for this assignment. It is a very important assignment towards your grade. And by the looks of it, you two could use this assignment to hash out your differences," she said annoyed.

"I already know our differences," Bianca responded, "I have feelings and he doesn't."

"Really? Since when?" Eli laughed, "Because I've always thought that you were a cold hearted bi-."

"Mr. Goldsworthy, Ms. DeSousa, I have heard enough from the two of you," the teacher shouted, "another word out of either from you and I will personally escort you to Mr. Simpson's office."

Bianca sank back in her seat, and rolled her eyes. Eli did the same. They looked at each other and made disgusted faces, like children. She let her head fall back and groaned internally.

xXx

Clare was holding onto the steering wheel for dear life. Her knuckles were white from her grip.

"Holding onto the wheel harder doesn't mean you have more control of the car," Bianca told her gently, "in fact, it's making me nervous. I'm a child teaching a child to drive. We're breaking like ten laws right now."

Clare stuck out her tongue and loosened her grip on the worn out steering wheel.

The parking lot had more or less emptied out. The girls had lagged behind so Clare could practice her driving in the wide open area. There were a few teachers' cars scattered around, making for a perfect practice course.

Clare looked left, right, and left again to make sure there was no one around whom she could hit accidentally. She turned the key in the ignition and the car started with a small rumble. She would be lying if she said she didn't miss the gargantuan uproar a certain car started with. She hadn't set foot in the driver's side of a car since the day of her fight with Eli, when he'd told her that his job was to protect her.

Bianca coughed once, alerting Clare that she could move the car. Clare put the car in 'drive' and let her foot move slowly off the break and onto the gas pedal. She let it down with a soft pat and the car started moving along. A child yelled from one of the houses across the street and Clare hit the brake pedal so fast that it sent both girls slamming forward.

"Ouch," Bianca said, and sat back.

"Sorry," Clare mumbled and shifted her foot from the pedals.

The car started crawling along slowly again and Clare turned the car between spaces and up and down the parking lot.

"You said you knew how to drive. You practiced in Dr. Doom's Death Mobile," Bianca recalled.

"I did," Clare winced at the mention of Morty. She'd discreetly asked Sav to take her to the impounded car lot to look for it. The condition he was in was scary. The hood was in half; the windows shattered, the driver door slammed in, and it was burned in many spots. Morty looked like he had been to hell and back. She had a break down in the middle of the lot. Sav had to talk her down from a panic attack.

_"I almost killed him!" Clare had yelled out upon seeing Morty._

Clare still thought it was a miracle that Eli managed to crawl out on his own with only a few serious burns, bruises, scratches, aches and pains.

"Can you pull out into the street then? You should practice on avenues and in traffic," Bianca suggested. "We just have to watch out for the police, I can't get another mark on my record."

Clare swallowed nervously, "Uh…sure."

She turned the car and drove out of the parking lot. There were a few cars driving idly by. Clare was starting to get the hang of everything again, of having a giant metal monster under her control. She began spacing out, thinking back to when Eli was teaching her to drive.

_"Now, just change the shift from park to drive," Eli put his hand over Clare's and moved it with her._

_"I know dummy," Clare smiled. "You're just looking for an excuse to hold my hand."_

_"I don't need an excuse to do that," Eli had smirked before leaving over and kissing her._

"Clare! Watch out!" Bianca shrieked, pulling Clare out of her thoughts.

She snapped out of her head and looked forward; she was a few feet away from running over someone. Clare slammed on the brakes, sending herself and Bianca forward, slamming into the dashboard. They looked up to see who they were about to hit. Owen jumped back onto the curb, just as the car skidded to a stop.

"Hey," he yelled, "watch it!"

He raised his fist to punch the car's hood when he saw who was sitting the car's seat. Owen smiled wickedly and lowered his arm. Bianca sighed in relief. Getting a dent buffed out was not cheap. He walked over to the passenger window and leaned against it. Bianca rolled her eyes and lowered the window.

"Yes?" Bianca asked nonchalantly. Owen looked at her critically, with a tiny smile adorning his face.

"I am so sorry," Clare interrupted before Owen even opened his mouth. He looked away from Bianca and let his eyes drift to Clare. A smirk overtook his smile when he noticed how afraid she looked.

"No harm, no foul," Owen said coolly.

"Well, if there's no harm done then we can be on our way then," Bianca snapped forward, and buckled her seatbelt again.

"C'mon Bianca, don't be like that," Owen mumbled, "I already told you I was sorry like a million times."

"And I forgave you or whatever," Bianca replied.

Owen and Bianca had known each other for a long time. They had grown up down the street from each other and although Bianca wouldn't call him her best friend, he had grown to lean on him over the years. He was the only other person besides Clare who knew about her issues with her mother at home. And in turn, Bianca was aware of Owen's father's alcohol addiction. She'd even let him come sneak into her house on more than one occasion to sleep on the floor of her bedroom when things got to rough at home.

Bianca never expected much from anyone; since her father first left, but Owen was at least someone she could sort of count on. That had changed when Owen thought he had a chance with Anya. He dropped Bianca like a piece of garbage and ignored her for his pursuit of Anya. Bianca didn't cry about it, but it did hurt. It was like she wasn't good enough or something.

"I know you're living with Edwards now," Owen said abruptly.

Bianca side-eyed him carefully, "And?"

"I think something is wrong at your house," Owen said slowly, "something feels off."

Bianca looked at Owen, who had an uncomfortable expression on his face. It worried her. "Okay, I'll check it out now. Do you want a ride back home?"

Owen nodded slowly and slid into the backseat. Bianca and Clare switched seats, and Bianca drove quickly to her house.

"Hey, I'll go with you," Owen said, "to your house."

"What's going on there?" Clare asked, turning around to face him. Bianca looked through the rearview mirror at Owen, who shrugged and shook his head.

"I don't know. I don't want to make assumptions," he replied. He and Bianca locked eyes in the mirror and she swallowed slowly, getting a nervous feeling in her body. She stepped on the gas pedal, and the small car sped down the road.

xXx

After that the ride was quiet. Clare was biting her thumbnail and Bianca wanted to reach over and knock it out of her mouth because it was making her nervous. Owen refused to look at her anymore; he gazed out the window silently. That also made her worried. When they reached their street Bianca turned the corner widely, almost hitting another car. She parked in her driveway and jumped out of the car.

Clare and Owen followed behind. Bianca stood at the door and remembered that she'd left her keys at home. Owen coughed and gestured to the window.

"Oh, right," she said.

Clare shot her a confused look.

Bianca slid the window open with ease. She stuck the top half of her body inside and reached over to open the door. Owen walked in with Clare, whose eyebrow was rasied in question.

"It's easy to sneak in and out," Bianca answered and finished climbing in, instead of using the door.

Clare's lips formed a line and she nodded once.

Bianca took in her surroundings and couldn't believe what she saw. The house was perfectly clean, not a thing out of place, and not a speck of dirt could be seen. It was as if completely new people lived inside. Christopher's baby swing stood in the corner of the living room, and there were a few magazine's scattered on the coffee table.

The cleanliness did not ease Bianca's worry. Her mother wasn't lazy, and it wasn't like they lived in a pigsty before but the house was always an organized mess. Her mother was scattered brained, often putting things in the wrong place because she wasn't focused and was a terrible multi-tasker. Bianca couldn't hear anyone home but she noted that her mother's car was parked outside.

"Mom?" Bianca called out.

When no one answered Bianca tore up the stairs, running fast. She could hear Clare and Owen's footsteps behind her and she turned abruptly, almost slamming into them.

"Stay downstairs," she commanded.

"But Bianca-," Owen started.

"Stay," she snapped and didn't move until he and Clare unwillingly went back downstairs.

Bianca reached the second floor and checked every room. She wanted to scream when she noticed that all of her things were gone from her room. She'd been gone a week, and it had already been turned into a home gym. Bianca shut the door quietly, and checked the rest. Those too, were weirdly organized, including her mom and stepdad's room, which was usually the most scattered thanks to her mom.

Bianca walked to Christopher's room and opened the door slowly. The light yellow curtains were closed, blocking the harsh sunlight from drifting onto the sleeping baby. Christopher was asleep on his belly in his blue crib. Her mother had fallen asleep in the rocking chair. Soft music was playing from a small radio, which Bianca quickly flipped off.

Her mother jumped awake.

"Bianca what are you doing here?" her mother's eyes widened.

"What do you mean by that? Am I not welcome here anymore? Where are my things?"

"Basement. Bianca you have to go," her mother said.

"What the hell?" Bianca's voice started to rise, and her mother pulled her the arm and yanked her out of the baby's room.

Bianca took a good look at her mother's face, her make-up was uncharacteristically caked on and she was wearing very conservative clothing. She was all covered up, in fact.

"You have to go," her mother said hurriedly. Bianca pulled her arm out of her mom's grip and opened the door to her room.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Bianca asked, afraid.

"You should go honey," her mother stated tiredly.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," Bianca replied firmly, "why do you hate me?"

Her mother looked up at her with sorrowful eyes, "Oh Bianca, I don't hate you baby, you're my little girl."

Bianca started crying unexpectedly, "Then why are you kicking me out of your house? Why is my room gone? Why didn't you help me when he tried to hit me?"

Bianca sank to her knees and started crying on her mother's lap. Her mother put a loving hand on her head and brushed all of her hair away from her face.

"I did help. By making you pissed that you left. You're safer with Clare, and far away from here," her mom said.

"What are you talking about?" Bianca wiped her tears away from her face.

Her mother reached for a box of Christopher's baby wipes that lied around the house. She pulled one out and slowly started rubbing it on her face. The cakey make-up started dissolving and Bianca gasped at what she saw.

Her mother's once youthful, beautiful face was marred with giant bruise on her cheek. It was purple and black on the focal point, and a green-yellow color on the edges. She lifted her pant leg and sleeves to reveal more bruises.

"He's hitting me too," her mother cried, "and I just wanted to keep you away from him. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't love you. Bianca you are my daughter and I love you and Christopher so much."

"Let's go," Bianca said, "We'll go. He can have everything and we'll just go."

"I can't do that Bee. He'll just find us and the repercussions would be worse," her mother said gently, caressing Bianca's face, "he can take Chris away from me."

"But he's hitting you. How can you stay here?" Bianca cried.

"As long as you're safe, I'm fine. I just don't make him mad," she replied, "that's why you need to go."

"But he…it doesn't matter if he only does it when he's mad…he shouldn't hit you at all. Ever," Bianca said through sniffles.

Just then the sound of the front door opening interrupted them.

"Who the fuck are you?" yelled a voice from downstairs that Bianca recognized as her stepfather's

Bianca felt her blood boil. She sprang from the floor and ran to the door, throwing it open she ran down the stairs. Her mother ran behind her, reaching out to grab her.

"Bianca calm down," her mother said.

She sped down the stairs and was face to face with Richard. Owen was standing in front of Clare, with his arms spread out defensively to protect her, but he looked afraid. Clare was wide-eyed, and let out a choked gasp when her eyes fell on Bianca's mom.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Richard spat, his breath smelled like alcohol. "Miranda, why the hell did you let this slut back inside our house?"

Bianca blinked once before launched herself at him but felt a strong pair of arms lock around her waist as she went in for a hit.

"I'll kill you. Asshole, what the fuck is your problem? Hit my mother again and I'll fucking kill you myself," Bianca threatened, struggling in Owen's grip.

Richard laughed in her face, "Listen you little slut. Try anything against me and I'll make sure your mother never sees you or that precious brat upstairs again."

As if on cue, Christopher started wailing at the top of his lungs. Richard looked at them smugly before stepping aside and going to their basement to get piss drunk.

"Go Bianca, I'll be okay," Miranda told her.

"No, mom. I'm not going to leave you here," Bianca sobbed, shaking in Owen's hold.

Her mother ran a soothing hand down Bianca's face, "I'll be fine baby girl. You just go and be safe." She kissed the top of her head. "Be good," she whispered.

Owen had to drag Bianca, who was kicking and screaming to stay. Clare tried calming her down but it was no avail.

After a few minutes, Bianca pulled out her keys and went to her car but Owen stopped her.

"Maybe, you should let Clare drive," he said gently.

"Clare can't drive in the dark," Bianca snapped, but it was true.

Clare sank back and went around the car to get inside.

"Just…keep an eye on her for me," Bianca whispered tiredly.

Owen nodded once, before turning and walking down the street and into his own home.

Bianca slid into the car and turned it on. She waited for it to heat up before pulling out and driving her and Clare back across town.

They didn't talk about it that night, Bianca refused to. She ran up the stairs of Clare's house and launched herself on Darcy's bed and cried herself to sleep.

xXx

Clare trudged to her locker the next day. She was dead tired from deciding to keep watch overnight in case Bianca decided to sneak away to the ravine for a release. She was fumbling with her lock when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. Clare rubbed her sleepy eyes and turned around to see Owen standing there with an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Hi Owen," Clare said tentatively.

"Hey," Owen replied, "where is she?"

"She's at home," Clare told him, "well, my home anyway. She spent most of the night crying. She woke up with a headache and decided to stay in today. But I made her promise me she wouldn't go to her house without one of us."

"Okay cool," Owen scratched the back of his head.

"Did something happen?" Clare asked.

"No," he replied, "At least I don't think so."

"Then what?" Clare pressed.

"I just never pictures you and Bianca friends. Or me and you talking about a mutual friend," Owen laughed once.

Clare smiled, "Yeah, me either."

"Just…," Owen thought out his words carefully, "watch her please. Make sure she doesn't do anything extreme. Bianca's a ticking time bomb when things are bad."

"Don't worry," Clare reached over and rubbed his shoulder gently, "I am."

Out of the corner of her eye, Clare saw Eli staring at her and Owen, frozen in his spot. He glared at her angrily and Clare slumped back involuntarily, as if he was really hurting her. Owen grabbed her before she hit the floor, oblivious to Eli's fuming across the hall.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

"Fine, just tired," Clare replied.

"You look like you're going to fall over any second," Owen said, "I can walk you to your class if you want."

Clare blinked once, "Uh…sure. Thanks."

Owen and Clare walked side by side to her class. She heard a locker door slam shut behind them and winced.

xXx

Bianca sat in her Psych class feeling trapped. She'd decided to come to school after all, missing only the first two periods. She regretted coming at all because she hated the way people were looking at her.

"All right class," Ms. Ryan spoke slowly, "pair up with your partners and get to work."

There was no real rubric, you just had to get to know your partner and try to help them with their problems. Bianca still thought this idea was stupid; they were troubled children helping other troubled children. It was only going to end badly.

She slowly went to the seat next to Eli's, who was fumbling with the big onyx thumb ring he wore.

"So," Bianca rubbed her temples, "hi."

Eli raised an eyebrow, "No insults? Condescending remarks?"

"I'm tired is all," Bianca replied, "I can insult you though. If you really want me to."

Eli shook his head, "So…."

"This assignment is stupid," Bianca sighed.

"You can say that again," Eli retorted.

"How are we supposed to help each other if we don't know each other," Bianca mumbled.

"That's the point Ms. DeSousa," Ms. Ryan said from behind them, "you get to know each other then figure out how to help each other deal."

Bianca rolled her eyes, "No offense Dr. Doom, but I don't want to tell you all of my deep, dark secrets."

"Like I want to spill my heart out to you?" Eli agreed.

Imogen snorted from where she was sitting with Fiona.

Bianca turned to her with fierce eyes.

"Bianca, you are the most transparent slut there is. What could your problems possibly be? You didn't get paid the last time you let yourself get fucked? The blunt was done before it was your turn? Daddy ran away when you were little? Mommy resents you? You are the most predictable whore there is," Imogen snarled.

Bianca shot up from her desk, "You don't know anything you fucking bitch!"

"Bianca!" Ms. Ryan yelled.

Normally, Bianca would've been at any bitch's side after an insult like that and would've gotten decked. She would've shown the girl who she was talking to. But her mother's voice telling her to "be good" echoed in her mind.

Bianca clenched her fists and toppled over her desk before walking out of the class calmly. Once out, Bianca ran away fast before she turned back and went back to pummel Imogen into a ball of guts.

She couldn't leave school, so she did the next best thing. Bianca opened the door that lead to the roof and climbed up the rusty but sturdy ladder. Once outside, Bianca pulled her leather jacket closer to herself. She took a deep breath in and tried to steady herself. She needed to be completely calm, or else when she went back inside the first thing she would do was look for Imogen and beat the crap out of her.

She sat on the concrete beside the small step that separated her from the asphalt below and let the cold air blow her hair behind her. Bianca tapped her fingernails on the bricks and bit her bottom lip, unwilling to cry at school, even if no one would see her.

Bianca heard the roof door creak open and her heart started beating quickly as she tried to come up with an excuse for her presence there in case it was a faculty member. She turned to see Clare walking her way, wordlessly. She sat by Bianca without saying a word and stared out into the open space looking over the houses.

"How did you know I was here?" Bianca croaked.

Clare turned to her and looked unwilling to reply. She sighed, "Eli told me what happened in your class. He said he started following you because Ms. Ryan told him to look for you. Instead, he pulled me out of class and told me you'd run in this direction."

"Imogen's one lucky bitch," Bianca laughed bitterly, "if I hadn't walked out, her face would've gotten uglier."

Clare laughed once, "Why did you come to school?"

"I couldn't be alone at your house. I was going to drive over to my house, but instead I ended up here," Bianca confessed.

"She said to let things cool down," Clare spoke softly. "She'll be okay. You're mom knows what she's going to do."

"I want to kill him," Bianca choked out.

Clare swallowed slowly and put her hand over Bianca's, squeezing lightly.

"Can we go back to class?" Bianca stood up after a few minutes. "I don't want to get you in trouble."

"You sure?" Clare asked. "I don't care. We can stay up here if you want."

"You just don't want me to go back there in case I run into Imogen," Bianca smiled knowingly.

"No. I know you can hold yourself back. If you want to smack her a few times though, I'll look the other way," Clare said innocently.

"Oh, Edwards, what has become of us?" Bianca said as they walked to the door and climbed down.


	5. Chapter 5

[Don't own Degrassi or Panic! At the Disco]

Updating like a boss. lol jk. Thank you all for being so patient with me. I'll be updating this story again soon then I'm going back to OOTB. Thank you for all the lovely reviews. Thanks to my beta WhatEverHappened. And thanks to the internet for helping me with my research for this chapter lol,

Review, Review, Review!

* * *

><p>"So you can clean up after Bianca DeSousa's messes, but you couldn't stick around to help the guy you claimed to love?"<p>

Clare was in the library, trying to distract herself when she was rudely interrupted. She peered over the top of her book to see Adam standing in front of her with a miserable look on his face.

She was tired of fighting with everyone. She was tired of people showing up at her house at random times as well. In the last week alone, Alli had shown up to scold her and judge her for being friends with Bianca. She reminded Clare of how unsupportive she was in grade nine about everything she wanted and asked how she could be so nonchalant with a person who was ten times worse.

Then Fiona came over unexpectedly, and Clare was thoroughly confused as to how Fiona even knew where she lived, so she hadn't paid attention to most of what she said. Fiona was yelling at her about how heartless she was over being friends with someone who'd threatened Adam's life just because of who he was. Clare almost shouted that Bianca was just scared, though she still disapproved of the way she handled the situation, but she held herself back.

And now Adam was standing in front of her, looking impatient, and waiting for a response. Clare sighed and stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in. She couldn't argue with Adam, no, not with him. She didn't want to defend herself from him. For sure she'd break down and cry, and she wasn't going to do that anymore. He could think whatever he wanted.

Instead, Clare walked away without saying a word.

xXx

Bianca sat at a back table waiting for her partner. She picked at her cuticles and waited for him to arrive. They had picked an inconspicuous place where many from Degrassi didn't go to.

Eli walked in right on time and joined her in the back.

"Ashamed to be seen with me?" he sneered.

"Please, I could care less about what people think. But I'm not going to tell you about me out there in the open," Bianca huffed.

Eli shrugged, and slid into the booth across from her.

"So, who goes first?" Eli asked, and ordered a bottle of water when the waitress came by.

"I don't know," Bianca replied, "How do I know you won't go telling everyone about me?"

"Please, like you have many secrets. We all know you Bianca," Eli said judgmentally.

"None of you know shit," Bianca retorted.

"Whatever," Eli responded, leaning back in his chair. "I'll go first the, given that Clare has probably told you a lot about me. Since the two of you sparked up that weird friendship."

"Oh yes, I know all about your ex, the hoarding, etcetera, etcetera. Clare told me one afternoon when she was feeling particularly depressed," Bianca said.

"Good to know she's spewing all of my issues to anyone who will listen," Eli mumbled angrily.

"It wasn't like that, you moron. I practically had to pry it all out of her. It was one of the early days in our friendship. I wanted to know why the hell you were worth sobbing over. She told me all of your issues and ended with how under that fucked up mind of yours, she still loved you and knew you were a good person," Bianca replied, defending her friend.

"So, since you know all about me, tell me about yourself. It's only fair that I have dirt on you too," Eli said sarcastically.

Bianca was getting fed up with him, "My dad walked out on us. My mom remarried not too long ago and she was beginning to ignore me. I got into a fight with my step-father, he tried to hit me so I left and moved in with Clare. Recently, my dad came back to tie up loose ends. I was sure he'd come back for me, but he didn't even plan on looking for me. Turns out my mom wasn't ignoring me, more like protecting me from my step-dad, who beats her."

Eli looked taken aback; he didn't actually think Bianca would tell him about herself. If anything he was prepared to fully bullshit the assignment with her.

"I…uh…," Eli stuttered.

"Any questions?" Bianca sneered.

Eli shook his head. They spent two hours explaining the surface of their lives to one another. Neither thought that they would be this comfortable speaking so openly with the other.

"I have to go," Bianca said standing up, "Clare's waiting at home."

"Bye Bianca," Eli replied when they were outside.

"Do you need a ride home or something?" Bianca asked. "I know your car's probably still busted up, and I'm feeling kind right now."

"Sure," Eli said warily, getting inside her car.

The drive was awkward at best.

xXx

Clare was in full panic mode. She stared at the plastic stick in her hand with tear filled eyes. She wrapped toilet paper around it before throwing it into the trash can. She sat on the toilet and buried her face in her hands, shaking violently. Clare wondered how she'd just let months fly by without noticing these changes.

"Clare?" Bianca yelled when she got home.

Clare quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up. She smoothed out the wrinkles from her dress and quickly ran to her room.

"Upstairs," Clare croaked and cleared her throat.

"What's wrong?" Bianca asked when she walked into Clare's room.

"Nothing. How was your school thing with Eli?" Clare asked, sitting on her bed. She hadn't been completely happy with Bianca and Eli being partners because she didn't want him over her house when she was still trying to heal. But she accepted the partnership because they really had no other choice.

"Fine, it was fine. I may actually hate him a little less. But only a little," Bianca clarified.

Clare nodded, feeling a weight land on her shoulders and a soft flutter in her stomach that she was sure she'd imagined.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Bianca asked. "You look kind of sick, and you're all sweaty."

"I think I'm coming down with something," Clare explained, "probably just the flu."

"Okay," Bianca said skeptically. She gave her friend another once over before shrugging off her jacket and kicking off her shoes. She went to put them in her room and called over her shoulder, "It's your turn to make dinner tonight."

Clare let out a shaky breath when Bianca exited her room.

xXx

Clare stood at her stove cooking. Bianca was sitting at the island doing homework. She glanced over at Clare every once in a while, taking note of the disgusted faces she was making.

"Okay," Clare groaned, putting a lid on the frying pan, "I have to open a window." The smell of food, usually so appealing to her, was making her nauseous.

Bianca raised an eyebrow in question but Clare shrugged her off.

"You know," Bianca sing-songed, "you're going to have to tell me eventually what's wrong with you."

Clare turned back to the food and paid no mind to her friend.

Bianca sighed dejectedly and slapped her book shut, finished with her assignment.

"Clare, you have a copy of Animal Farm right? I need it for Dawes' class," Bianca asked.

The cinnamon haired girl nodded, "It's upstairs on my shelf. You can go grab it if you want."

"Cool," Bianca hopped off the stool and jogged up the stairs to Clare's room.

She entered the room and noticed how uncharacteristically messy it was and wondered why she didn't notice when she got here. Bianca answered her own question by acknowledging that she had been too busy trying to figure out why Clare looked so distraught.

Bianca stood on her tiptoes, reaching for the book that she'd spotted on the highest shelf of Clare's book case. Her fingers idled on the spine of the book and she carefully slid it over the edge where she could grab it.

Unfortunately, Bianca was too hasty and ended up knocking down a few books in the process. "Ouch," she yelped as the corner of one of the books grazed her head.

She bent down to pick up the fallen books, among them Animal Farm, when she noticed a white and pink box out of the corner of her eye. The box had been kicked deliberately under the bed. Bianca had to drop to her knees to get a hold of it. She semi- crawled under the bed and snatched the box from its hiding place.

Bianca sat back and stared in awe at the box in her hands.

It was a pregnancy test.

Bianca's eyes widened with both horror and shock. Upon realizing that the box was open, meaning the test was used, she ran towards Clare's adjacent bathroom. She had completely forgotten about Animal Farm and the rest of the fallen books.

Once in the bathroom Bianca crouched down by the trashcan. They'd emptied out the garbage in the morning so all that sat in the bottom of the silver bin was a positive pregnancy test poorly hidden by toilet paper.

Bianca ripped off a piece of toilet paper, grabbed the test from the trashcan and walked towards the kitchen.

xXx

Clare was feeling better now that the window was open. The smell of the food was being blown away and the feeling of nausea was receding. A tiny smile forced its way onto her face and her empty hand found its way to her stomach. When she heard Bianca's footsteps coming towards her she dropped her hand and the smile fell from her face.

"I'm almost done so you can start getting the plates for me," Clare instructed. She turned her head and saw Bianca at her side, holding the pregnancy test box in one hand and the test itself in the other.

Clare froze momentarily. She saw that Bianca was looking at her with a sympathetic expression and was able to regain her composure.

"Clare," Bianca started.

"I found out this afternoon," Clare cut her off.

"Why didn't you tell me when I got here?" the brunette asked.

"I don't know. I didn't know how," Clare confessed.

Bianca nodded softly, "We should make sure. Go to an obstetrician or something."

Clare's eyes widened, "What? No. How would I explain that bill to my parents?"

"You have to go. You have to take care of yourself. You've got no other choice," Bianca said softly.

Clare's eyes started to mist. She shuddered at the thought of it all.

"What am I going to do?" Clare sobbed.

Bianca walked her all the way to the living room. Clare cried into her lap and Bianca rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Well, first thing is first, we have to make sure you actually are pregnant," Bianca tried to comfort her.

"Oh Bee, that's pretty much pointless," Clare cried. "What are the chances that I won't be?"

"I know it's still fresh but have you ever thought of what you might do?" Bianca asked gently.

Clare shrugged, "No….I never had to. I was sure I was going to wait until marriage but then everything with Eli happened and I didn't really stop to think of anything other than I just wanted him to be okay."

"Well….if you are…it is Eli's right?" asked Bianca tentatively.

"Of course!" Clare snapped in a slightly offended tone.

Bianca put her hands up in surrender, "Sorry, I know."

"So…if you are…that means that you would be at around three and a half to four months. You said you had sex with Eli the week before he crashed the hearse," Bianca said, making calculations in her head.

Clare nodded and looked down to her stomach. She'd always had curves and wasn't noticeably getting bigger. She smoothed her blouse down and turned sideways so that Bianca saw her profile.

"You look the same," Bianca assured her. "And you haven't had any of the symptoms besides that bout of nausea right now, right?"

Clare nodded, "No morning sickness, no swollen feet, no constant peeing, no vomiting." She tried to remember all of the common symptoms and realized she hadn't had many of them.

"You've been dizzy and klutzy lately," Bianca recalled, "but that's how you are most of the time."

Clare stuck out her tongue in return.

"Don't get yourself all worked up…yet. Maybe you've got one of those…uh…hysterical pregnancies…like that crazy bitch on Glee had," Bianca thought out loud.

Clare groaned, "Now you're calling me crazy?"

"No," Bianca amended quickly, "but you have been under a lot of stress lately. I'm just saying not to trust some cheap at-home test. We should go to the nurse tomorrow and ask for a referral."

Clare nodded, "I…uh…okay. But you have to go with me to ask for it, and then go with me to the clinic."

"Duh," Bianca said grabbing her friend's hand. "I won't let you go through that alone. And if…you are…pregnant…well then I call godmother, got it?"

Clare smiled but nodded, feeling the tiniest bit relieved, "Deal."

xXx

"It's now or never Edwards," Bianca said. They were standing outside of the nurse's office staring at the sign.

Clare felt beyond intimidated, and that was just by the door. She could feel the perspiration starting to appear on her hairline. Her brain was telling her feet to run far away and fast but it was as if they were cemented to the waxy linoleum floor.

That and she'd already tried running, but not fast enough and Bianca had caught her. She now had Clare's smaller hand clasped in her own.

"I'll take never," Clare tried pulling away but Bianca kept her rooted next to her.

"Too bad, we're not turning into an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," Bianca semi-scolded loudly.

"Can you say it any louder, Mr. Simpson didn't hear you in his office," Clare retorted.

Bianca sighed and raised her hand to knock softly on the wooden door.

"Come in," a dainty voice called from the other side. Bianca turned the knob and pushed open the door, practically dragging Clare inside.

"What can I do for you girls?" The small old nurse asked sweetly.

"I…uh…I need a…uh…r-referral," Clare stuttered "I need to go to the clinic."

"For what dear?" She smiled warmly.

"Um…I think I might be pregnant," Clare looked down at her shoes and felt her face heating up with shame.

The nurse made an "o" expression with her mouth and quickly scribbled down something on a small form. The girls heard the tearing of paper about a minute later.

"Here you are," The nurse said a bit more curtly and handed them the paper.

Clare could feel her judgmental eyes on her as they walked out of the office. She quickly shoved the referral into her purse and started towards class.

"I'll make the appointment later," she mumbled.

Bianca nodded and walked in the direction her own classroom was in.

xXx

Clare put her head down on her desk and relished the feeling of the cold wood on her cheeks. She felt hot, feverish, and clenched her eyes shut to stop the sudden spinning of the room.

"Miss Edwards, are you feeling okay?" Mr. Armstrong asked from the front of the class.

A few of her classmates turned their heads in her direction, among them Alli and Adam. Clare shook her head slowly and felt the nausea from yesterday rising again. She jumped abruptly from her chair and ran out of the classroom.

xXx

Bianca twirled her hair around her finger and tried to listen as Ms. O droned on about how social networking sites helped major corporations be more "in tune" with their buyers. She had more important things on her mind like her mother, who she hadn't seen in weeks, and Clare, who was probably freaking out internally in her class right now.

She felt someone staring at her and cocked her head to the side. Sure enough, Eli was giving her a critical once over. Bianca wanted to ask him what the hell he was looking at. They locked eyes and neither would look away. They were both stubborn as fuck and unwilling to lose.

One of the walls of the media immersion room was a thick, slightly tinted glass, so you could see outwards but no one could see in. The sound of rapid footsteps interrupted Ms. O's lecture. The whole class turned their attention to the glass wall. Eli and Bianca tore themselves away because curiosity got them best of them as well.

Suddenly, Clare flew by. Her curls were blown behind her and she was covering her mouth with her hand..

Wordlessly, Bianca leapt from her seat and ran out of the computer room. Ms. O's voice was yelling at her to come back but she ignored it easily. She ran until she saw the girls' bathroom door. She shoved the door open and made it in time to see Clare run inside one of the stalls. Bianca quickly made her way over and slid through the door.

Clare dropped to her knees and threw up into the porcelain white toilet. Bianca held her hair back and tried not to gag along with her. She rubbed soothing circles into Clare's shoulder blades as she finished emptying the contents of her stomach.

She ripped a piece of toilet paper and handed it to Clare who wiped her mouth before throwing it in the toilet as well and flushing. She stood up and slumped out of the stall and to the sink. She rinsed out her mouth and washed her face.

Clare's eyes were bloodshot and her face looked splotchy and paler than usual. The pressure of vomiting had caused red flecks all over her face from broken blood vessels. She went to sit in the single chair that occupied the girl's bathroom and wanted to curl up and sleep.

Bianca crouched down to the floor. "Did you make the appointment?"

Clare nodded solemnly, "I made it during lunch."

"Good," Bianca patted her knee and made Clare wait until she felt more or less better before letting her go back to class.

Bianca strolled back into Ms. O's in the last remaining 5 minutes. She went to her seat and sat without making a spectacle of herself, trying to play off as though she'd never left the classroom. Obviously, that wasn't going to fly by the ever-strict Ms. O.

"Bianca, detention after school. You are not to waltz in and out of my class like it's your playground," Ms. O scolded.

Bianca's eyes widened, "Ms. O, I can't today. Please, I'll serve it tomorrow. I'll serve two, but I can't stay today," she pleaded. Bianca never begged for anything, but she had to be there with Clare today after school.

A few of the kids in the class snickered and Bianca shot them all death glares, silencing them.

"You should've thought of them before you ran out of here after Ms. Edwards," Ms. O said coldly. "Now please, there's three minutes left of class and I'd like to get through them without another interruption or a commotion. Understood?"

Bianca rolled her eyes but nodded nonetheless. When she turned her back, Bianca fought the urge to give her the finger.

The bell rang and Bianca went to her next class, feeling as though this day would never end.

xXx

Clare waited for Bianca at her locker, holding her books tightly to her chest. Eli walked by, giving her a concerned look that she pretended not to see.

Bianca was grimacing as she approached her locker.

"What's wrong?" Clare asked.

"I have detention for interrupting class for running after you this morning. Ms. O is a bitch," Bianca snarled.

Clare bit her lip. "I can reschedule the appointment."

"No, you should still go. You can borrow my car, and then come pick me up after," Bianca said fishing out her keys from her purse and handing them to Clare.

"No, I shouldn't be driving. I still feel dizzy," Clare replied.

"Then how are you going to get there?" Bianca asked. "Ugh, I have to go to the detention room or I'll be late and have to serve another. Good luck Clare."

She gave her friend a tight hug and ran off.

Clare walked out of the school and swallowed hard. The thought of going alone terrified her endlessly. She glanced at the bus stop and saw K.C. and Jenna climbing on. Jenna was due any day now and Clare wondered what the hell she was still doing in school.

The bus was unappealing, and it would take her forever to get to the clinic meaning she'd more than likely miss her appointment. She looked over the parking lot trying to see who was still around. She and Sav were still on good terms and in theory she could ask him for a ride but there was no way that her visit to the clinic wouldn't get back to Alli and that was a mess she didn't want to deal with yet.

Eli was definitely out of the question. Adam was too. Clare sighed and started to walk towards the bus stop, having given up when someone brushed pass her.

"Sorry," Owen turned around quickly.

Clare waved him off, "It's okay."

He continued walking towards his car when the light bulb went off in Clare's head.

"Owen, wait!" Clare called out and walked quickly to his car.

"Yeah?" He asked, one hand on the handle of the driver's door.

"I…uh…I need a really big favor," Clare said quietly.

"Sure, if I can. Is something wrong with Bianca?" Owen asked worriedly.

"No, she's fine. Stuck in detention this afternoon," Clare explained, "I need a ride to the clinic."

Owen had been to her house a few times, to visit Bianca and tell her about her mom. It was the only reason why Clare felt comfortable enough to ask him.

He looked at her suspiciously for a moment, "Um…okay."

"Thanks," Clare gave him a small smile and got into the passenger side.

The drive started off quiet. Clare leaned back in the seat and shut her eyes, trying to stop the nausea she was beginning to feel again. Owen cleared his throat and Clare glanced in his direction.

"So…I mean it's none of my business….but I am taking you there…so uh…why do you need to go to the clinic? Are you okay?" Owen asked tentatively.

Clare looked straight forward and felt her face heating up, "I…uh…I think I might be pregnant."

Owen's eyes practically popped out of his head and it only made Clare feel worse. This was never supposed to happen to her. It was as if she was a completely different person from the shy, abstinent girl from last year.

"Wow," Owen's eyes drifted to her stomach and Clare looked to the window.

"So this would be that emo kid's kid right?" Owen asked. "I used to see you two together all the time."

Clare nodded.

The rest of the drive was silent.

"I could wait in the car if you want," Owen said, parking the car.

She thought about it for a moment. "Actually, do you mind coming in with me? You can stay in the waiting room. I just…I can't be in there alone."

Owen nodded and pulled the keys out of the ignition. They walked side by side into the clinic and he stood by her side as she signed in with the receptionist. She gave Clare a few sheets to fill out and told her to go sit and that her name would be called soon. She quickly filled out her information and leaned back in the seat. She tapped her fingers nervously on the clipboard on her lap. Her lower lip took residency between her teeth.

Clare took a look around the half crowded clinic. There was another girl around her age. They locked eyes for a brief moment and instantly knew that the other was there for the same reason. There was mother with her baby, who was crying loudly. She was trying to shush it by rocking it gently in her arms and Clare tried to imagine herself as that woman with a baby in her arms.

She shuddered and shook her head to make the image go away.

"Clare Edwards?" A nurse called from the doorway to the examination rooms.

Clare stood up and walked slowly towards her.

The nurse was probably in her mid-twenties and shot Clare an understanding smile. "Your boyfriend can come with you if you want."

"I…he's not my boyfriend," Clare said sheepishly, "just my friend."

"Oh okay, sorry. Follow me," she replied kindly. "I'm Ryder, just so you know. Now it says here that you're here for a pregnancy test."

Ryder led Clare into a small, all white room. The fluorescent lights above cast a horror movie glow over the room.

"I…yeah," Clare replied.

"Sit please," she gestured to the examination bed. "Now how far along do you think you are?"

"Um…maybe three and a half to four months," Clare answered.

Ryder wrote everything down in a file and took out a thermometer. She stuck it under Clare's tongue and waited patiently for the beep.

"Your temperature is thirty-nine point eight degrees. Too high for someone who might be pregnant," Ryder commented. She took Clare's blood pressure and pulse rate, both of which were a little high but under the normal scale, and turned to leave the room.

"I'll be right back with the doctor and the ultrasound machine alright dear, so just lie back and get comfortable," she called out behind her.

"Right. Get comfortable," Clare mumbled in annoyed tone under her breath.

A few minutes later, a tall blonde woman walked in. Ryder walked in behind her, wheeling a huge machine with a monitor on it and a bunch of wires and gadgets hanging off the side. Clare was only slightly terrified.

"Hello Clare, my name is Dr. Alexa, before I do the ultrasound I'd like to ask you some questions," She asked.

Clare nodded for her to continue.

"You're sixteen?" Dr. Alexa asked quickly.

"Yes."

"Alright, Ryder wrote down that you suspect that you're about four months pregnant, is that correct?" Dr. Alexa asked.

Clare swallowed nervously, "Yeah."

"If you suspected that you were pregnant for this long, why did you wait until just now to come get tested?" she asked.

"I didn't think I was pregnant. I've always had an irregular menstrual cycle. Sometimes I skip over a month or two, especially when I'm under a lot of stress. And I have been these last few months. So when it skipped another month I thought nothing of it. I've had no symptoms and it was only until a few days ago that I started feeling nauseous, and really faint," Clare explained.

"Oh," Dr. Alexa replied. "Did you and your boyfriend use protection? Were you on the pill?"

"I had sex with him all of four times. I think that only one of those times was without a condom," Clare replied honestly.

"Alright sweetheart," Dr. Alexa smiled kindly. "Please lie back and lift your shirt over your tummy."

She turned to power up the machine and shut off the light.

Ryder stood over her with a bottle of clear substance. "I'm going to spread this jelly over your stomach. It might be a little bit cold so don't wiggle around too much," she said kindly.

Clare nodded. And she heard the cap open and felt the clear goop being dripped onto her. Ryder's hands spread it all over her mid and lower stomach.

"Alright Clare, I'm going to move the transceiver around your stomach so don't move too much or the image will be lost," Dr. Alexa instructed.

"Okay," Clare replied nervously. Ryder shot her a small smile and offered her hand for Clare to take. She did and received a reassuring squeeze.

Dr. Alexa moved the transceiver slowly over her skin. Clare had her eyes closed and was breathing in slowly, trying to keep her composure.

"Congratulations Clare," Dr. Alexa said, "you're about fifteen weeks pregnant by the size of this baby."

Clare froze, her eyes were still shut and her hand squeezed Ryder's mercilessly.

"Look," Ryder said gently.

Clare opened her eyes and blinked a few times to adjust to the grayish blue light coming from the ultrasound machine. She looked at the screen and tried not to faint when she saw the body.

"There's the head," Dr. Alexa pointed out a big lump on the right side of the screen. "It's tiny torso and there are his or her arms, which are now longer than its legs."

"Uh…okay," Clare replied. She sat up on her elbows to get a better look at the picture.

"He or she seems to be moving around quite a bit, but you won't be able to feel any kicking or movement for another few weeks. In a few weeks we can probably figure out the gender," Dr. Alexa explained excitedly.

Clare went limp, her arms to week to hold her up. Moving? Gender? She felt like pinching herself until she woke up from this nightmare.

"Do you want prints of the baby?" Ryder asked gently, noting the horrified look on Clare's face.

"Um…yes please," Clare said quietly. Bianca would never forgive her if she didn't bring back pictures.

Dr. Alexa quickly printed some out and turned the light on again. Ryder helped her wipe the gel off of her stomach. Clare sat up and smoothed out her shirt over her stomach, still feeling remnants of the goo.

"Here," Ryder said, handing Clare the photos. She stared at them, and her hands began to shake. There was a baby, a real person, growing inside of her. "How can I have had no symptoms until this late?" Clare asked suddenly.

Dr. Alexa looked taken aback by her question. "Some women only experience some symptoms, some all, some none. It all has to do with your hormone levels."

"So is there something wrong with me since I didn't get many?" Clare asked nervously.

"No, but we could run a blood test if you want," Dr. Alexa said.

Clare nodded and stuck her arm out for Ryder. She pierced her skin with a small needle and placed a tube on the other end and waited for it to fill with blood.

"Be back with the results in a few minutes," Ryder replied when the tube was full. She exited the room and shut the door behind her.

"Now Clare," Dr. Alexa got her attention again. "I have some follow up questions for you."

"Alright," Clare replied.

"Are you sure that you didn't have any symptoms? Anything out of the ordinary?"

"Mmm…I don't think so…I've been eating normally. I've been really tired lately. I have more headaches than usual. A few weeks ago my breasts were really tender but I just thought that they were growing again," Clare answered.

"Those are all pregnancy symptoms. Unfortunately, those are some of which aren't taken into serious consideration. By the looks of the tiredness in your eyes you haven't been sleeping well at all have you?" she asked.

"No, not really," she replied honestly.

"Okay, well you're going to have to start taking better care of yourself. No late nights. I want you eating well, three or four meals a day and try to have all of the major food groups at every one. When your blood tests come back I'll see what else there is," Dr. Alexa instructed.

Clare nodded.

"Have you been drinking lately? Doing any type of recreational drugs?" she asked.

"Drugs absolutely not. But I did get really drunk twice about two months ago. Could that have affected my baby?" Clare asked urgently.

"Well, no more drinking, at all. Nothing. But no, I don't think the alcohol could have affected your baby much," Dr. Alexa answered. "Do you have any questions for me while we wait for Ryder?"

"What will I be experiencing next?" Clare asked.

"Common question. You will continue feeling tired, and dizzy. The nausea seems to have come late with you so we'll give you some anti-sickness pills for that. Your breasts will continue growing. Your appetite will begin to increase, so your weight will start to rise. Cravings will occur. You might experience some swelling in your feet, ankles and hands. You're going to start feeling more emotional, and they'll change quickly and unexpectedly. You may become a bit clumsy and forgetful. These are all ways your body accommodates to the life growing inside," Dr. Alexa explained.

Clare felt her heart rate quicken, it was too much to take in. Her shoulders slumped and she felt like fainting again. Dr. Alexa must have noticed because she rushed to Clare's side quickly to steady her.

"That's all if you decide to carry on with the pregnancy though sweetheart," Dr. Alexa reminded her.

Clare looked at her with a bewildered expression.

"I have to give you all your options Clare. There's the one where you keep the baby, or you can gave him or her up for adoption and the most common one for a girl your age, abortion. You're still early enough where we can do the abortion without using the partial birth method," Dr. Alexa explained gently.

"Um…I…uh…I have to think about everything," Clare wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"It's not my place but if you decided to carry through with the pregnancy, would the father be involved in the baby's life?" Dr. Alexa asked.

"I don't know," Clare replied honestly. Her hand went to her stomach, and she let her fingers tap rhythmically over it.

"I'm back," Ryder came inside. She handed the blood test results to Dr. Alexa, who looked over them briefly.

"You have a small vitamin deficiency," Dr. Alexa said. "Until you decide what you'll do I'm going to give you some prenatal vitamins to take every day, as well as the anti-sickness pills to get rid of your nausea and vomiting. Get plenty of sleep and eat well. Come back when you've decided what your course of action will be."

Clare nodded and Dr. Alexa left the room. She let out a sigh of relief.

"She can be intimidating. I know," Ryder said kindly.

"Yeah," Clare agreed.

"Want to know a few cool things about your baby?" Ryder asked as she helped Clare jump down from the bed.

"Sure," Clare replied and they began to walk out.

"Right now your baby is about the size of an orange," Ryder said excitedly, "and although his or her eyes are still sealed shut, if you shine a flashlight to your stomach, it can sense it through your skin and the placenta and it'll move away from the light. Sometimes you can feel the movement."

Clare stared at her in shock. "Cool. Uh…thanks Ryder," she took the pill bottles from her and walked out.

Owen had fallen asleep in his chair. Clare tapped him twice on the shoulder and he jerked awake.

"Ready?" He asked, stretching out.

"Yes," Clare replied and they walked out of the clinic.

They got into the car and Owen turned to her, "Good news?"

"Depends who you're asking," Clare replied.

"Are you…," he started to ask.

"Yeah, fifteen weeks along," Clare responded.

"Is that good news or bad?" He asked.

"I haven't figured that out yet," Clare answered honestly.

He drove out and took her home. Clare was slouched against her seat, and held back the tears.

xXx

Bianca waited impatiently by the window. She'd called her mom and made sure she was okay. They'd talked for a little over an hour. Detention was boring and she'd gotten home before Clare.

She was certainly surprised to see Owen's car pull up with Clare in the passenger seat. Clare slipped out of the car and waved goodbye to Owen.

She walked to the door and pulled out her keys but Bianca ran over and opened it.

"So?" She asked.

Clare side stepped her and went to the couch, "Yeah, I'm pregnant. Fifteen weeks." She pulled out the ultrasound pictures from her purse and handed them to Bianca, who cooed over them.

"Oh Clare! He or she has her arm raised up like they're saying 'Hi mommy, I'm your baby,'" Bianca laughed and leaned over to show her. Clare pushed away the picture and she looked at her friend with confusion.

"What's wrong?" Bianca asked.

Clare started crying, "Everything and I don't know what to do!"

"I'm here to help you Clare," Bianca comforted.

"I know, but, when I was there. The doctor started asking me all these questions," Clare explained through her sobs.

"What kinds of questions?" Bianca asked.

"She asked me if I kept the baby would the father be involved," Clare cried harder.

"You don't think Eli would be involved?" Bianca raised an eyebrow.

"Probably not," Clare replied, "I don't know."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because, remember I told you about his old girlfriend?"

"The dead girl...uh…Julia?" Bianca nodded.

"They had…she was…she got pregnant too," Clare cried. "She got an abortion…and…he told me...th-that he was so…so relieved. He said he didn't want a baby that young, and wasn't sure what he would've done if she'd decided to keep it."

Bianca's eyes widened and she quickly pulled Clare into a hug. "Well, Dr. Doom in the picture or not Clare, this is your decision."

"The doctor brought up abortion and said I could still get one without something called partial birth," Clare said.

"Is that something you would really consider? There's always adoption," Bianca suggested.

"But…the thought of growing…of doing this all by myself and knowing that he wouldn't want our baby, it hurts Bianca," Clare cried into her shoulder.

"Yeah, but it's still up to you. You're the one who carries and gives birth to the baby. You're his or her mom," Bianca soothed.

Clare cried a few more minutes and finally pulled away. "I'm hungry," she said simply.

Bianca laughed, "Oh Lord, here comes the pregnancy appetite."

Clare semi-smiled.

"I'll support whatever decision you make Clare," Bianca assured her, "but it has to be your decision. No one else's."

Clare nodded and they went to make dinner.

xXx

Clare tossed and turned that night, clearly forgetting what Dr. Alexa had told her about sleeping right. Well, she'd just start tomorrow.

Through her head played some very different scenarios depending on the choice she'd make. In one, she'd carry the baby full term, trying not to get emotionally attached to him or her and in the end she'd hand it off to some couple from an agency. In this particular scenario it had been a sweet lesbian couple that was happy to finally have a baby.

In the next scenario, the one Clare tried avoiding, was the one in which she got an abortion. She could almost smell the clinic and all the chemicals, could feel the hands poking and prodding. She shook her head and erased that horrifying image.

The last one, the most probable one, was Clare, all alone. She had a baby in her arms and a few feet away was Eli with a pissed off look on his face. He turned his back on them and walked away. This was the most realistic one.

Suddenly, too fast that she almost didn't catch it; she felt a tiny flutter in her body. It happened once and not again, but that tiny flutter awakened something in Clare. Before her eyes flashed her life now, Darcy was gone, her father was too, and her mom was barely in it now. Her family had crumbled apart in less than a year. She was lonely.

But this was her baby, and the start of her family. Clare jumped from her bed and ran across the hall to Bianca's room. She opened the door and flew to her bed.

Bianca slept quietly and was startled when Clare practically jumped on her.

"What?" Bianca asked, rubbing her eyes. She sat up and looked at her friend. Clare looked excited and afraid, however that could be.

"I'm keeping him or her," Clare stated. "They're mine."

Bianca smiled genuinely, "Cool. Now let's get some sleep. We've got a long few days ahead of us."

"Why?" Clare asked.

"You've got to tell the school, Eli, and your parents," Bianca said simply and placed a comforting hand over Clare's.

Clare's face fell.

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Review please. :)<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

[Don't own Degrassi or Panic! At the Disco]

Oh god. Oh god. THANK YOU INTERNET. I've been doing so much research to see where I wanted to take this story. If I gave you all a peek of what my search history looked like the rest of Clare's plot would sort of be given away. There are few different options I'm considering right now. I just don't think I'd be able to write them and do the emotions justice because they are things I've never been through. And they're very difficult and sensitive subjects to write about. [AHHH, LOOK AT ME GIVING TOO MUCH AWAY ;)] Whatever, you shall soon see.

Anyway, there'll probably be one more update to this story before the end of the week. [Possibly!] My writer's block for this story has diminished and now I have all these ideas flowing. One of the Boys will be updated next week [YAY]. Good stuff coming your way. Thank you for your continued support in the form of reviews, story alerts, author alerts, favorite story, and favorite author! Seriously, every time one of those messages hits my inbox I want to cry. You're all wonderful! 3

I'll stop rambling now and let you read. :)

Review, review, review!

* * *

><p>Telling the school was easy. Bianca offered to come with her, but Clare knew she had to do it alone. She knocked on Ms. Sauvé's door the next morning before school began.<p>

"Come in," she called and Clare slowly walked in and shut the door softly behind her.

"Ah, good morning Clare, what can I do for you?" She asked in her usual cheery and optimistic voice.

Clare quickly sat in her seat and stared at all of the different diplomas and awards behind her. Ms. Sauvé noted her stalling and cleared her throat. "Is something the matter Clare? Something I can help with?"

Clare shook her head, "I'm pregnant."

Ms. Sauvé's eyes widened. Clare blushed at her reaction and looked down at her fingernails. Ms. Sauvé coughed a few times before standing up; she smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt and walked around her desk to stand in front of Clare. She perched herself against the edge of the desk and crossed her arms over her chest.

"How far along are you?" She asked.

Clare replied, "Fifteen weeks."

"When did you find out?"

"Yesterday, I had a friend go with me to the clinic," Clare explained.

"Oh," Ms. Sauvé remembered the Edwards family well from her counseling sessions with Darcy. They were very demanding parents and by the scared look on Clare's face, she was probably the first adult she told. "And your parents? Have you told them yet?"

"No, with the divorce and everything, neither of them has been around much," she sighed, "but I'm going to tell them soon."

"I could call them in if you'd like," Ms. Sauvé suggested. "Maybe it will be easier for you."

"Thanks but no. I have to tell them separately, getting them into a room together is impossible and it'll only turn into a screaming match over whose fault it is," Clare said bitterly.

"Clare," Ms. Sauvé replied, "it's no one's fault. Things like this happen all the time. You just have to be absolutely sure of what you are going to do next."

"That's why I came to tell you," Clare responded, "I'm going to keep my baby. I knew I had to let the school know in case I have prenatal appointments during school or I get sick."

"That's fine honey, I'll alert the rest of your teachers if you'd like so there's no questioning or you have to step out of class."

"Thank you," Clare breathed a sigh of relief.

"Have you told the father yet?" She asked.

"No, I'm telling him today," Clare answered.

Ms. Sauvé gave a Clare a warm smile, "If you need anything or just someone to listen to you, you're welcome in here any time."

"Thank you again," Clare said and stood up. Ms. Sauvé offered her a hug, which Clare accepted shyly, doubting that any of the other people she'd have to tell were going to react this kindly.

"Clare, one more thing," Ms. Sauvé called out.

"Yes?"

"The reactions you get from the people you love might not be what you expect. Depending on how they react, they're going to give you their input on what you should do. They'll expect you to agree with them but don't let them pressure you. The decision, which you've already made, is yours and yours alone."

Clare nodded and left.

xXx

Owen and Bianca were sitting at a table during lunch talking about the Ms. Oh incident the day before. Clare walked to their lunch table and slammed an orange in front of them.

"What?" Bianca asked, "Do you need me to peel it for you?"

"No!" Clare cried. "That's how big," she whispered, "my baby is."

"Oh,' Owen nodded along, staring at the piece of fruit Bianca was now holding.

"Aw! Look how tiny and cute it is," she cooed.

Clare stared at her friend.

"Bianca, you're snuggling a piece of fruit," Owen deadpanned, making Clare laugh.

Bianca rolled her eyes and set the orange back on Clare's tray. "I was not cuddling the orange; I was cuddling what it represented."

Clare laughed and took a bite of the salad in front of her.

"Did you take your prenatal vitamins? And your anti-sickness pills?" Bianca asked.

"Yes mother," Clare replied.

The door of the cafeteria burst open. Drew ran through the cafeteria as fast as he could. He reached Alli at her table and pulled on her arm. His entrance had caused quite the commotion and they now had all eyes on them. Just like Alli liked it.

"What Drew?" Alli asked.

"Jenna," he choked out since he was out of breath, "she's having her baby. The ambulance is here for her. They're all loaded up and gone but she wants you there. They said they wanted us there."

Alli's eyes widened and she grabbed Drew by the arm and they ran off towards the parking lot out of the cafeteria's exit. After all, Drew was K.C.'s best friend too.

"Can we make a big spectacle when you go into labor?" Owen asked jokingly. "We can have explosions and car chases."

Bianca blinked a few times at the scene that had just unfolded before rolling her eyes.

"Anyway," she said in an annoyed tone, "how did it go with Ms. Sauvé?"

"Fine. She's the only good reaction I'll get," Clare mumbled.

"When are you telling baby daddy?" Owen asked.

Bianca smacked his bicep, "Don't say it like that!"

Clare shrugged, "After school. I don't know how to tell him."

"You could buy him one of those 'We're expecting!' cards," he joked.

Bianca smacked his arm again, "That's not funny, you moron."

"Ouch," Owen rubbed his arm. "One day I'm going to report you for physical abuse."

Clare tried to fake a smile and ate the rest of her meal deep in thought.

xXx

"I have to talk to you," Clare approached Eli at his locker.

Eli side-eyed her, "What about?"

"I can't tell you here," Clare said "Can we meet somewhere? Not The Dot and after you've dropped off Imogen."

"Sure," Eli pondered for a moment, "we can meet at the abandoned church at four."

"Fine," Clare replied, "see you there."

She walked away briskly just as Imogen was heading their way.

xXx

Clare paced back and forth on the old concrete. She was muttering to herself different ways she could tell Eli.

"Done talking to yourself?" Eli asked, startling Clare.

"You scared me," Clare tried to steady her rapid heart rate.

Eli shrugged, "Sorry. Now what do you have to tell me?"

Clare bit her lip and thought. Terrified didn't even begin to describe how she felt right now. She walked up to him, standing close. Mustering all the courage she had, Clare looked up at him and straight into his eyes.

"I'm pregnant," Clare said simply.

Different emotions washed over Eli's face quickly and it contorted into one of pain.

"Very funny Clare," he stated vacantly.

She'd anticipated this as one possible reaction, "Why in the world would I joke about this?"

Eli glowered at her in the worst possible manner and she felt her bravery start to dwindle. She slumped back under his scowl and stepped away from him physically.

He walked around her and started frantically pacing the perimeter. He kicked at the ground and pulled on his own hair. Clare briefly feared for herself and the baby. She went to sit on one of the big stumps on the edge of the church and let him continue to get all of his anger out.

After five minutes of him grunting and kicking at things like a caveman, he walked in her direction. His demeanor made her feel like prey and he was her predator.

"You have to be like four months pregnant right?" He asked, trying to tone down his fury.

"Fifteen weeks," Clare said quietly, staring at the ground.

Eli kicked at the pile of sticks near them. "Why the hell are we finding out about this so late? How did you let almost four months pass by without noticing?" He snarled in question.

Clare tried to keep her own emotions at bay. If she lost her temper this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere. "I just didn't okay? I had no symptoms and I chalked up my missing periods to stress because it has happened before."

Eli huffed, "So what are you going to do? You know there's only one solution to this from me. I won't be a father at sixteen."

Clare licked her lips and tried to keep her voice from quivering, "That's fine. I just needed to know what you thought. I'm leaving now."

She started to walk away when she felt his hand wrap around her elbow, "So you're going to keep it?" He growled.

Clare steadied herself before pulling her arm out if his grasp. "What I do with my baby is none of your concern," she spat.

She turned to walk away. When she was far enough away that he could no longer see her, she began to run.

xXx

Bianca knocked carefully on the window. The door opened slowly and her mom gave her a big smile.

"Bianca, come in baby," she said joyfully.

"Is he? Is he home?" Bianca asked.

"No, he has a late shift tonight, we have nothing to worry about," Miranda replied to her daughter.

Bianca walked in and felt like a foreign visitor in her own home. The walls had been painted and the furniture was rearranged. It had only been a few weeks since her visit.

"Sit, sit, baby and tell everything that's been going on with you," she said.

Baby Christopher gurgled happily from his baby swing.

Bianca told her mom about the incident with Imogen, her partnership with Eli and about Clare's pregnancy. Her mom was proud of her for not beating up Imogen and for standing by Clare.

"I also…I haven't been to the Ravine in a while," Bianca confessed.

A wide smile spread over Miranda's face, "Really? I'm so proud of you."

Bianca cleared her throat, "I only had one slip…it was after…after I saw dad."

Miranda froze, "What did you say?"

'I was out, getting dinner with Clare and we saw him. He saw me too and we met the day after. I thought he had come back, just like he promised me," Bianca said and started to cry, "but it was so awful. He came to show his new wife his hometown. He wasn't even going to bother with me."

Her mother pulled her into her lap and rubbed her shoulders tenderly.

"I never told you because you were so little but when your father left, he left because he didn't want this anymore. We were young Bianca and he didn't want to be tied down anymore. He said he could have stayed, but he wasn't happy and it was starting to show. He was starting to drink and get into drugs again. So I gave him a way out. I told him I'd rather him be gone that for you to grow up in an unhappy home," Miranda explained.

"So he never wanted me?" Bianca cried harder.

Miranda ran her hands through her daughter's hair lovingly, "Your father loved you so much. But he wasn't ready; he couldn't handle all the responsibility. Even after all those years already raising you, he said he couldn't handle it. We were young when we had you. I was ready to be a mom, I accepted that I had to give up my life but your father didn't, he wanted to go out and party it up and then be able to come back and be dad," she said.

Bianca cried a little longer before wiping the tears away.

"Tell me more about Clare. How far long is she?" Miranda asked.

They talked the rest of the afternoon. Her mom said that Richard was working late shifts all week and she'd stop by Clare's house the next day to talk to her.

xXx

Clare was cleaning her house, she hadn't cried over Eli's reaction yet and it was bad for her to bottle up her emotions, but her dad was about to arrive and she had to tell him with a straight face.

It had taken an hour to get a hold of him. She had tried his cell phone, office number, new house phone. She'd even tried to call his new girlfriend and secretary, Lindsay, which was awkward. She'd finally reached him the tenth time she called his cell phone. Clare told him that he needed to come over in the afternoon.

There was a knock on the front door just as Clare was finished wiping off the coffee table. She went to open the door and was surprised to see her father standing there with a baby carrier in his hands. A baby boy, no bigger than eight months was lying inside, sleeping.

"Hi Clarebear," her father said. She hugged him briefly but couldn't keep her eyes off the kid in his hands.

"I didn't know Lindsay had kids," Clare said innocently.

Randall looked around uncomfortably. Clare furrowed her eyebrows in confusion mixed with anger. They child started moving around restlessly. A high pitched wail was emitted from its small body and his eyes opened.

They were the brightest of blues. The same blue eyes Clare had. The same blue eyes her father had.

"Oh…oh my god," Clare took a step back.

Randall took a step towards Clare but the baby boy let out another loud shriek.

"Y-you cheated on my mom!" Clare shouted. "You…I hate you!"

Clare's screaming ironically made the baby stop crying and he stared at her. Randall took walked towards Clare and grabbed her. He pulled her against him in a hug and she hit him repeatedly on the chest.

"I'm sorry Clare," he cried.

"You can't…you can't say sorry….you broke us!" Clare shouted smacking him away. "Get out! Get out and never come back!"

Randall took Clare's off of him. "I'll leave as soon as you tell me what you needed to tell me."

"What does it matter anymore? I never want to see you again," Clare sneered.

"If it didn't matter you wouldn't have called me so many times. What do you need? Money?"

Clare took a deep breath and glared at her father, "I'm pregnant. Now get out."

Her father's eyes widened. "What?"

"I didn't stutter. I'm pregnant. Now get out!" Clare shouted.

Randall looked at Clare, "I know I made some big mistakes but Clarebear if you need anything, Lindsay and I can be there for you."

Clare scoffed, "I don't want anything from you or your Lindsay. You broke up our family, now get out."

Randall took the baby and walked out. Clare closed the door and wiped her tears from her face. She walked to the bathroom to wash her face and cool down her skin.

After that she decided to put on some tea and take a nap until her mom came.

xXx

Clare was asleep on the couch. The Sound of Music was on the television and the tea pot was warm in the kitchen. In her dream state everything was perfect.

She felt s soft hand shake her awake. Clare practically fell off the couch in fear and quickly rubbed the blur from her eyes. Helen Edwards looked down at her daughter with an amused expression.

"Hi Clare," she leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head, "I came in a few minutes ago but you were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you up. But I'm going to a church benefit tonight so I'm in a hurry. What is it that you needed Clare? What was so urgent that you made me have to skip this week's book club?"

Clare stared at her mother in bewilderment. Her mind was still half asleep. "Please, sit," she gestured to the couch.

Helen furrowed her eyebrows, "What is it Clare?" Did something happen to your sister?"

Clare shook her head, "Darcy's fine. I think. I sent her an email a few days ago." She lied through her teeth.

"Okay, then what is it Clare? I have to go soon. You know how embarrassing it is for me to show up late to church," her mother said.

Clare rolled her eyes, beginning to get irritated. "Oh my god, can you please let me talk? This is the first time you've come by in three weeks and you're already trying to leave. God, can you spare five minutes for the one daughter that's still here?" She snapped.

Helen breathed in and smiled at her daughter. "Alright sweetie, what is it you needed to tell me?"

Clare sat down next to her mother. She swallowed the big lump in her throat.

"Mom, I'm…I'm pregnant," Clare said slowly. She raised her eyes to her mother's and saw a range of different expressions, none of them good.

Helen's nostrils flared in anger and before Clare could catch it, she felt a stinging on her left cheek. Clare gasped and raised her hand to feel the hot skin where her mother had just slapped her.

Helen shook her head, "How…when…oh god…."

"Mom, I-," Clare started.

"Shut up. Is this Eli's child? Oh of course it has to be. That delinquent had you wrapped around his finger from the moment you met him. He turned my beautiful, perfect daughter into a common slut," Helen spit. Clare felt her heart rate speeding up.

"I'm not a-."

"Oh Lord, what will the parish say when they get wind of this?" Helen grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

"No, mommy please," Clare sobbed and ran after her mother. She grabbed her waist and wrapped her arms around her. Clare sobbed into her mom's shoulder. "Mommy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me, I need you."

Helen detached herself from her daughter and gave her a stern look, "You wanted to keep seeing that no good punk even when you knew your father and I disapproved. You were the one who chose to defend and stand by that hooligan. You let him obstruct your path and threw your values and morals out the window."

Clare felt the slap of the words her mother yelled at her ten times worse than the physical smack she'd gotten.

"You let him corrupt you and now you're living those consequences. I'm not going to raise your child Clare, I will not. Don't expect help from me anymore, monetary or otherwise. You wanted to play adult with Elijah, well now you're getting a harsh dose of reality. Whatever built up fantasy of a perfect little family you have is a not going to happen. There are bills to pay, necessities to buy, a baby that won't sleep at three in the morning and fights over whose turn it is to get up this time. If you don't drop out of school the both of you will also have homework, projects, and exams to take and try to pass while running on a few hours of sleep. It's not a pretty life Clare, but it seems to be the one you've chosen."

And with that, Helen Edwards walked out of her home, slamming the door shut behind her.

xXx

Bianca sighed contentedly as she shoved her key into the keyhole of Clare's house. She'd stayed and had dinner with her mom and Chris, figuring that Clare was probably still talking with one or both of her parents.

The house was dark. Bianca swallowed nervously. The house had been cleaned. She went to check the kitchen and noted that none of the pots and pans had been used. They hung dry on the rack above the island, meaning that Clare hadn't cooked anything.

She saw Clare's house keys hanging on the small hook beside the mail table. Bianca swallowed uneasily.

"Clare?" She called out.

She made her way from room to room then ran up the stairs two at a time. She opened Clare's room, empty. Only her book bag was thrown on the bed. Bianca ran to her own room but that was empty too. She went to the master bedroom, the only room she hadn't been in and cringed at the cold smell when she opened the door. The room was scary in itself. She hurriedly closed the door and went to the guest bedroom but there was no avail.

Bianca checked every room one more time calling out Clare's name like a mad woman. Her fingers were pulling at her hair nervously. She found Clare's cell phone on the kitchen table, her favorite shoes under her bed and her prenatal vitamins in the medicine cabinet.

She decided to check if Clare's jacket was missing, maybe she'd gone out and forgot to leave a note. Bianca stumbled down the stairs and threw open the hallways closet. It was a deep, big closet.

Under the jackets, curled up in a small ball, was Clare.

Bianca breathed a sigh of relief, dropped onto her knees and crawled towards her friend.

"Why didn't you answer me? I was about to call the police and report you as missing," Bianca said.

"They wouldn't have searched for seventy-two hours," Clare deadpanned.

Clare was wearing gray sweatpants, and a beaten up lavender hoodie. She was crying and taking in quick breaths of air between tears. Bianca could tell that the area under her eyes was puffy and swollen. Her hair was matted down and unruly.

"What happened Clare?" Bianca whispered.

She shook her head as more sobs shook through her body. "E-Eli d…does…n't..….t-to be in the b-baby's life. He i-impl-plied that the o-only op-tion he would sup-p-port was an abor-tion." Clare started hiccupping from her crying.

Bianca frowned, "What about your parents?"

Clare glared at the wall for a moment, "My father's a jerk off. He offered help that I don't want." She heard Clare mumble something about cheating and a lovechild.

"Your mom Clare? What did she say?" Bianca asked.

"She called me a-hic-common slut. She said I was-hic- l-living in a fant-t-asy world. She said she's not helping me anymore," Clare was surprised she got through that without much stuttering. The tears flooded her eyes again and she rocked gently back and forth.

"Why are you in the closet though?" Bianca asked.

"I used to hide in here when my parents would fight, or when I was scared," Clare explained through breaths.

"I know this is hard Clare," Bianca whispered, moving some of Clare's hair from her face. "But you have to be strong for yourself and the baby in here," she placed a hand over Clare's stomach.

"All this emotional stress is going to make you both sick," Bianca felt Clare's forehead. "You're running a fever, we have to get you out of here and bring that down. Stress induced fevers are bad for pregnant women."

They crawled out of the closet and walked towards the kitchen. Clare used all her strength to pull herself up onto one of the island stools. She let her head rest on the cool granite countertop. Bianca brought her a tall glass of cold water and a cold compress.

Clare looked so beaten down, like she'd journeyed in from battle. Bianca's fingers reached to lift up her chin. When she did Bianca gasped, there was a purple bruise on her cheek.

"Oh my god, did Eli hit you?" Bianca asked with her eyes as wide as saucers.

Clare shook her head, "My mom slapped me. Eli wouldn't hit me, no matter how pissed off he is at me. No matter how much he…hates me."

"He doesn't hate-."

"Yes, he does. You weren't there. You didn't see the way he glared at me. He hates my choice, my baby, and me," Clare stated, staring at the countertop. She fixed the cold compress on her head again. Silent tears started falling from her eyes again.

Bianca bit her lip. She didn't know what else to say, she really thought Dr. Doom would be there for Clare. He'd crashed his stupid hearse for her for Jesus' sake. Even K.C. had stuck around for his kid, and Lord only knew that boy's troubles.

"You're going to love that baby tenfold then, and he or she is going to love you back just as much," Bianca whispered.

xXx

The next morning things were much calmer. Clare covered up the purple mark on her face with makeup. The words her mother said still rang in her mind, but she ignored them as best she could and tried to smile in the mirror. She had to call Dr. Alexa's office today and make an appointment for two weeks from then.

She and Bianca ate quickly before heading out to school. Clare would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. She wasn't ready for backlash from her old friends, and she wondered if Eli had told anyone. Probably not but it was safer to be prepared than to be surprised.

The school was already buzzing with K.C. and Jenna gossip. Clare had forgotten that she'd had their baby the day before. From what she could hear, they'd had a little boy named Tyson.

Clare's mind was reeling though. She couldn't stop thinking of how to make ends meet. There were doctor's appointments, maternity clothes, all the furniture and clothes for the baby, bills, groceries, and emergency money. Everything was jumbled up in her mind.

"Oh crap," Bianca said. It sounded like she was far away, an echo.

That was the last thing she heard before everything went black.

xXx

"Oh thank God, she's coming back," Clare heard a voice say in what seemed like a far off distance.

Clare blinked her eyes rapidly until her vision cleared. She found herself looking up at Bianca and Owen. She turned her head and saw that there was a small crowd of people surrounding her.

"Wha-What happened?" Clare croaked.

"We were walking down the hallway and you just passed out cold," Bianca explained. "You've been out for five minutes."

"Do you remember what you were talking about before you passed out?" Owen asked.

"No. I wasn't paying attention," Clare smiled sheepishly at Bianca.

"Gee thanks!" Bianca said sarcastically. "Can you all leave?" She asked the small crowd that was around them. "It's like you've never seen a person faint before, Jesus Christ!"

The crowd of people scattered, chattering about the commotion as they left.

Clare looked at her watch, "Crap. Oh my god. I am so late for English." She stood up too quickly and felt herself getting light headed again.

Owen caught her just as she was starting to fall. "Woah, calm down Clare. You're allowed to be late."

"He's right. Are you okay? We can take you to the nurse if you want." Bianca said worriedly.

"I'm sure the feeling will pass. Can I just go to class?" Clare asked.

"Well, to be honest, you look like you can't take a step on your own," Owen said, holding her more tightly around the waist, "I'll take you to class if you really want."

"Please," Clare nodded.

"Okay, I'll see you in physics Clare," Bianca gave her another apprehensive once over before turning and leaving for her Spanish class.

Owen looked down at Clare, who looked like she was going to pass out again any second.

"Are you sure you want to go to class?" He asked.

"Please Owen, I really do," Clare begged, trying to keep herself upright.

"Your call," Owen hoisted her more tightly against him and walked her to class.

The door was shut and Clare knocked on it a few times. Ms. Dawes finally opened it and gasped when she saw Clare's state.

"She passed out in the hallway," Owen explained. "But she's being stubborn and wanted to come to class anyway."

The people in the class were trying to take a peek at them.

"Alright," Ms. Dawes said understandingly, "come in Clare."

She detached herself from Owen's side and slowly walked towards her desk. Clare sat down and noticed Eli's spine stiffen with her presence. For a second, Clare regretted not having gone to the nurse instead.

Eli radiated anger and resentment. Adam, who still sat next to her, was inspecting her oddly. She could feel his eyes on her and they made her feel uneasy. Clare burrowed her head in her arms and spent the rest of English class hiding in the crook of her elbow.

xXx

Morning turned into afternoon and soon enough Clare was back at home resting on her couch. She'd gone to talk to Ms. Sauvé during lunch about a number of things.

_After Clare told her everyone's reactions to her pregnancy Ms. Sauvé had explained that it was normal for her mother to act that way. It wasn't excusable that she had smacked Clare across the face, but everything else was to be expected._

_"Your mom's family fell apart in less than a year. Darcy went away, the cheating, the divorce, you were like her rock, the last thing that connected to her to the past. Finding out big news like that had to be a shock," Ms. Sauvé tried to explain._

_"So I'm supposed to forgive her for calling me a slut, and hitting me?" Clare asked angrily._

_Ms. S smiled kindly in reply, "That's not my jurisdiction."_

_"Can I get emancipated?" Clare asked suddenly._

_"No, you're pregnant. The law, a court, jury and judge would not allow it. You're being pregnant at such a young age proves to the court that you need parental supervision because of your 'choices'," Ms. Sauvé explained. "What brought on that question?"_

_"Ms. Sauvé, with all due respect, I'm practically an orphan now. I could care less about my father at the moment and my mother said she wouldn't help me in the least and that wasn't just anger. My mother doesn't make empty threats. I wanted to know because I know I have a trust fund for college and with the baby coming I think I'd need to tap into that money to pay bills and get by," Clare said. "But I can't touch that money until I'm eighteen or independent."_

_Ms. Sauvé sighed, "I see Clare. I'll see what I can find out but I wouldn't get my hopes up."_

_"Thanks, Ms. Sauvé." Clare said._

She and Bianca were just lying around the house now. A knock came to the door. Bianca quickly got up to answer it.

"Mom!" She yelled throwing her arms around Miranda.

Clare felt her stomach drop a little. After finding out the truth, Bianca and her mother were becoming closer once again.

"Hi girls," Miranda smiled.

"Hello Miranda," Clare said softly, walking towards them.

"Oh honey please, give me a hug!" Miranda said joyfully.

Clare hugged Bianca's mom briefly and pretended it was her own mom she was hugging.

"Come out to the car," Miranda gushed, "I have some things for Clare and the baby."

The three of them walked to the trunk of Miranda's car. Inside the trunk were a bunch of boxes. Quickly, the girls carried everything inside, having to make multiple trips to retrieve it all.

Clare and Bianca stared at the boxes that now littered around the living room.

"Open them," Bianca's mom instructed excitedly.

Inside one box was an old baby swing that needed to be built, in another a bassinet, a changing table to be built and plenty of clothes for either a boy or a girl.

Clare felt like crying.

"When Chris was born we bought all new furniture. I completely forgot that I had stored away all of what I had from when Bianca was born. I trudged through all the old boxes last night until I found everything. It's not completely new but everything works fine and nothing is broken," Miranda said happily.

"Saves some money on the nursery furniture," Bianca sighed. "Thanks mom."

Bianca was carrying Chris in her arms, any resentment she'd once had for the chubby baby boy had washed away. Clare practically leapt into Bianca's mom's arms.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," Clare murmured, hugging her tightly.

Miranda squeezed back just as hard, "It was no problem sweet cheeks."

Clare pulled back and quickly wiped away the tears falling from her eyes. Bianca smiled and stuck her tongue out from where she was on the floor.

"Bianca told me about how your mom and ex-boyfriend handled the news," Miranda spoke softly; "I've been where you are right now. Scared shitless about the changes that are looming so dangerously close. I just want you to know that if you need to talk with, someone who has been there and knows exactly what you're feeling, you can call me."

Clare started crying again, harder than before.

"It's the hormones, I swear," Clare lied, hiding trying to hide the smile on her face despite her tears.

Bianca threw her head back and cackled loudly. Miranda laughed too. Even baby Chris gurgled out a high pitched happy squeal.

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Review please. :)<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

[Don't own Degrassi or Panic! At the Disco]

One of the Boys should be updated by Sunday. Hopefully. Things are about to get really, really complicated in the story. Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews as always.

Review, review, review!

* * *

><p><em>"You are so beautiful," he whispered into the crook of her neck. <em>

_Eli ran his fingers from where they were intertwined with Clare's up her arms to her shoulders. Slowly, he slid them under her cardigan and helped removed it. The feeling of his cold hands on her warm shoulders made her shudder._

_ "I love you," he whispered before planting a kiss right under her earlobe, where she was most ticklish._

_Clare giggled once at the feeling of his lips and he pulled away with a crooked smile on his face. "I love you too," she replied, trying to hold his attention. But Eli wouldn't look her in the eyes, almost as if he didn't believe her._

_That was why she was doing this. Clare needed him to know that she loved him unconditionally. So that when she asked him for a breather in a few days, he would understand._

_"Eli," she said, taking his chin gently in her hand and pulling his face towards hers. "I do love you, that's why we're here."_

_Eli still looked hesitant, and Clare sighed internally. His doubtfulness hurt her and for a brief moment she hated Fitz for coming back. Since he'd approached Clare with his new path to the Lord, Eli had been on edge. The fact that Clare saw Fitz every Sunday at mass only made things worse. Eli had convinced himself that Clare was going to leave him for Fitz because he was now what was ideal for her in everyone's eyes._

_Clare smiled up at Eli as best she could under the circumstances. Her hands pushed off his leather jacket and roamed down to the hem of his gray v-neck shirt. They slid under it, skimming up his stomach and abdomen to his chest. The shirt rode up and Clare pulled it off of him swiftly._

_Clare knew she had to take control. Eli wasn't going to initiate anything if he had any doubt at all that she wasn't ready. Clare flipped them over, and straddled his lap. Eli looked up at her with wide eyes and a small smirk teased the corner of his lips. Like the Eli she really fell in love with was breaking through the one that was always on edge._

_She leaned down and pressed her lips to his aggressively. Her tongue snaked into his mouth and they intertwined instantly. Pants and harsh breathing echoed throughout the room. Clare pulled away and pressed their swollen lips together once more before creating a path of kisses down his body. She kissed his jaw, neck, sternum and down his abdomen._

_She kissed under his belly button and between his hips. Eli's breathing got deeper with every kiss Clare pressed to his body. Her hands began to fumble with his belt buckle when Eli grabbed them and pulled her up to himself._

_"Okay, okay," he said breathily. He looked up at Clare mischievously and kissed her fiercely. She responded with the same fervor._

_He pulled away and breathed hard. "You're wearing too many clothes," he smirked._

_Clare sat up and slowly unbuttoned the front of her blouse. Eli, though chivalrous as he usually was, proved to be like every normal, hormonal teenage boy in the world when he couldn't tear his gaze away from her chest as she opened her blouse._

_Eli's hands skated up her thighs, over her tight denim jeans, up to her hips. The feeling of his cool finger tips on her body tickled. Clare reached behind her and snapped the elastic strap of her bra nervously._

_He noticed her apprehension and immediately sat up. The sudden movement made Clare fall between his legs. "We should stop," he quickly stated, "we don't have to do this."_

_Clare felt a warm feeling spread over her body. No matter how much he obviously wanted it, how intense and suffocating he'd been lately, when it came to sex or anything sexual between them, he gave her all the space she needed. Clare felt conflicted; she knew she could stop here. That Eli loved her and wouldn't hold it against him. But another side of her felt as though this was the only way she could prove to him that she wasn't going to leave him any time soon._

_Clare smiled and pushed him back so she could sit on his lap again. She kissed him again and reached behind her back to take off her bra. Eli pulled away and looked her in the eyes. All she could see was love and lust swimming in his beautiful green irises._

_"Please, can I?" He asked and brushed his fingers along the plastic clasp, indicating what he meant. Clare moved her hands away, a sign of permission._

_Eli fumbled with the clasp a few moments before the garment went limp on her. He pulled the loose straps off her shoulders and threw it on the floor where it joined her cardigan and blouse._

_Clare felt self conscious and looked away, trying her hardest not to cover herself. Eli kissed her softly._

_"You're beautiful," he murmured against her lips._

_Everything after that moment was a rush. Eli seemed to finally believe that Clare wanted this as much as he did. He flipped them over so he was on top and pressed his palms gently against her breasts. He kissed her way down and took a nipple into his mouth without warning while his hand palmed the neglected breast._

_Clare couldn't help the short, low moan that escaped her lips. Eli switched breasts and did the same. He sucked and nibbled his way down to the top of her jeans and his fingers popped the button and pulled the zipper down slowly._

_Eli gazed intently at Clare's face for any sign of hesitation. She hid it well. He slid down the unbuttoned jeans and pulled them off her feet. He tossed them somewhere behind him impatiently instead of with the rest of their clothing pile._

_Eli moved to sit in between her legs and could practically feel Clare's entire body blushing, if that was at all possible. He smirked despite himself and ran his finger tips up her inner thighs._

_Clare's breath hitched in her throat as he neared the place she had been so sure that no man would've seen, let alone touch, until her wedding night. Eli's fingers pressed against her through her damp underwear and began rubbing in small circles. A small whimper of pleasure escaped her lips and Eli leaned forward to suck on her breast again._

_Her hips were slowly starting to move of their own accord and a loud gasp escaped her lips when Eli suddenly slipped his fingers behind the soft fabric. He carefully slid a finger inside of her and Clare clenched the sheets tightly between her fingers._

_She moaned and Eli pumped his fingers in and out of her more quickly, adding a second finger. Her high pitched gasps and low moans bounced off the walls and they were both grateful that neither of his parents were home. Bullfrog had been called in for the graveyard shift at the station and Cece accompanied him to help keep him awake._

_Clare felt a pool of heat building inside of her as Eli kept sliding his fingers in and out of her. Her hips were bucked up onto his fingers faster now._

_"Stop," she said suddenly and Eli pulled away fast, like he'd been burnt._

_"No," Clare explained, "I didn't mean like that."_

_Her hands fumbled with his belt buckle again until it came off. She tossed it to the side lazily, unbuttoned his jeans and undid the zipper. Her hand timidly crept behind the waistband of his boxers that peeked through the opening of his jeans._

_Clare wrapped her small hand around him and felt him harden. He choked on his breath at the feeling of her soft hand on him. She moved it up and down his length as best she could while he was still wearing his jeans. Eli pulled her lips to his and groaned in the back of his throat._

_"Take them off," Clare commanded._

_Eli looked wrecked and quickly did as she said. He laid her back down and aligned their hips as he kissed her. He rolled his hips forward and pressed them together through the thin garments they were still wearing. Clare's breath hitched in her throat and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him as close she could._

_They dry humped for a few minutes until Clare realized that Eli was not going to make the next move. She managed to get his attention and looked at him with pleading eyes._

_"Eli," she whispered, "where are they?" She was referring to the box of unopened condoms she'd found one afternoon when they were cleaning his room._

_"Clare, we- we don't have to," he reminded her, though it was obvious that he really, really wanted to._

_She kissed his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "Please Eli," she begged in a breathy tone. She boldly moved his hand to the wetness between her legs. "I need you," she said, "and I want you."_

_That was good enough for him. Eli reached into the bottom drawer of his nightstand and pulled out the box of condoms. He nervously fumbled with the box before Clare took it away from him. He watched in awe as she expertly opened the box and pulled one out, as though this wasn't her first time._

_She smiled at him wickedly and tore open the plastic with her teeth._

_"This will work better if we take these off," she gestured to their underwear and giggled. Eli removed both of their undergarments and Clare rolled the condom on him. He hissed at the sensation of her hand, not used to someone else touching him after so long._

_Eli took control after that, he laid her down and Clare spread her legs shyly. They both swallowed audibly when he began to push into her. She waited for a blinding pain that she'd heard about from her friends but it never came. There was little pain as he pushed past that ring of muscle but mostly discomfort at the intrusion._

_"Fuck," Eli said, his hands gripping her hips._

_They stayed stationary for a minute or two until Clare felt comfortable enough and motioned for him to move. He rocked his hips slowly into hers, not wanting to cause her anymore pain, but holding himself back was a hard task. She was tight and warm around him and Eli just wanted to fuck her senselessly._

_Clare moaned almost inaudibly and Eli's head snapped up. "You can move a little faster," she said shyly._

_Eli moved at quicker pace and knew he wasn't going to last very long, not when Clare felt so fucking good around him. He moaned and could feel the sweat start to trickle down his back. Clare rolled her hips up to meet his and moaned loudly for the first time._

_"Oh my," she gasped out. They started building a rhythm of their own and soon Eli was rocking with her frantically. Both their moans radiated throughout the room. He was so close but he especially wanted Clare to finish him._

_Eli moved his hand from where it had been fondling her breast to her clit. She moaned loudly and felt the heat in the pit of her stomach building up again. Her orgasm shuddered through her body and her back arched off the bed. The way she clenched around him and the noises she made in ecstasy pushed Eli to the edge._

_They breathed heavily as he pulled out gently and threw the condom away. Clare was both satisfied and terrified at what she'd just done._

_The weight of the silver ring around her finger was suddenly heavier and she quickly pulled it off of her hand. Eli looked at her questioningly until her hand came up around his neck to unclasp the thick chain with the silver guitar pick._

_Julia played guitar and after her death Eli was walking by weird jewelry store when he spotted the silver pick in the corner of the display. He bought it instantly and rarely took it off._

_Clare put the chain through the ring let it slide until it clashed against the guitar pick with a soft "clink". She chained the necklace back around his neck and smiled._

_Eli pressed his lips against hers in a soft and tender kiss so full of pure love that Clare knew she would never regret having had sex with him and breaking her vow._

_But in the end, everything went to hell anyway._

**xXx**

Clare shot up in her bed with a loud gasp. She was sweating buckets under her blankets and swiftly peeled them off. The dream felt so vivid and real that she almost choked on her breath. She swore she could feel Eli's fingers ghosting down her sides. She felt a little bit guilty about having such a dream while carrying her baby.

A low grumble in her stomach kept her awake. Now that the anti-sickness pills had really kicked in, Clare was hungry all the time, including now. She sighed and threw her legs over the edge of the bed and squealed at the cold smoothness of the hardwood floor under the soles of her feet. She ignored the chill in the air because it helped to cool the heat her skin had acquired because of the dream.

Clare tiptoed in the hallway and down the carpeted stairs. She made her way over to the kitchen and squinted at the bright light when she flipped the switch on. Though Clare was now ravenous at all hours of the day, she ate healthy in the mornings and at night. The afternoon was the only time she let herself pig out with some unhealthy foods.

She threw open the fridge and let her eyes skim over the items while she tapped her lip with her index finger. Clare grabbed the pre-prepared salad and olive oil dressing and the all natural fruit smoothie from the shelves and went to sit on the living room couch.

Clare grabbed the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (a gift from Miranda) and opened to the page where she'd left off. She's skipped all the chapters that were about when she didn't know she was pregnant.

She was now seventeen weeks along and just in the last two weeks, though she'd barely gained five pounds, Clare was beginning to show. Not enough so that she couldn't still hide it under her hoodie though.

A tiny flutter of movement occurred and she set her book to the side. Though Clare couldn't feel the baby move prominently, and it didn't kick at all yet, she lived for these moments when she'd feel _something_. They almost always came when she was eating and Bianca teased her and said it was because she was feeding him rabbit food (she was convinced Clare was going to have a boy).

Clare narrowed her eyes down at her belly and gently placed a hand over the small bump in her lower abdomen. "You make me get up and feed you at three in the morning when I have school tomorrow and expect me to give you candy or chocolate?" She asked teasingly.

"I don't think so Sir….or Madam, whatever you are," she answered herself.

Clare heard a yawn from behind her and swiftly turned her head to see Bianca standing at the entrance with her arms stretched far above her head. She walked towards Clare and jumped over the side of the couch, jostling her as she landed.

"Baby hungry?" Bianca asked, gesturing to the salad plate and smoothie.

"I woke up from a dream," Clare said honestly, "then baby decided to keep me awake by making me hungry."

Bianca nodded, still sleepy. "Well, with the vegetables and fruit you feed him," she sighed, "or her, who wouldn't be hungry late at night?

"He or she is eating healthy," Clare glared playfully.

Bianca leaned down to Clare's bump, "Don't worry baby. I'll sneak you some ice cream when she's not looking."

"You most certainly will not," Clare smacked her friend's arm, "it has to go through me first. So ha, I win."

"So what was the dream about?" Bianca asked, changing the subject.

"Just another weird one," Clare lied.

"Hmm…we could look into dream meanings while pregnant," Bianca said thoughtfully.

Clare felt a blush creeping onto her face and was grateful that Bianca was flipping through her pregnancy book. "Trust me, I know what this one meant."

She finished up her early morning meal and the girls trekked back upstairs.

"Goodnight my little baby," Bianca cooed to her stomach. "Oh yeah, you too Clare," she jokingly added as an afterthought.

Clare crossed her arms in fake anger, "Gee thanks."

Bianca laughed as she went back to her room.

**xXx**

Clare was surprised by how much less tired she was although she woke up at all hours of the night to snack or pee. Currently, the girls were on their way to an ultrasound. Both were excited to see the baby's changes.

Clare walked into the clinic and signed in. Almost instantly nurse Ryder called them to the exam rooms.

"Hi Clare," Ryder greeted cheerfully.

"Hello," Clare replied, "this is my friend Bianca."

Ryder nodded in acknowledgement and quickly brought them into a room. She checked Clare's vitals before going to get the ultrasound machine. "Dr. Alexa will be come see you in a few minutes," she said before exiting the room.

Bianca looked put off.

"What?" asked Clare.

Bianca rolled her eyes and looked up from the text on her screen. "I just remembered that I planned to meet with Dr. Doom this afternoon for our psych project or whatever," she mumbled, "I forgot and now he's waiting. I'll just tell him I'll be there in forty-five minutes."

"Don't tell him where you are," Clare said quickly.

Bianca raised an eyebrow but shrugged nonetheless.

Dr. Alexa walked in, a smile present on her face. "Hi Clare," she said, "how've you been feeling since the last time I saw you?"

"I don't feel nauseous anymore, and I'm not really that tired either. I'm starting to eat everything and I've been a little more klutzy than usual," Clare replied.

"All normal symptoms, you'll be feeling more off balance as your uterus expands and your center of gravity shifts," Dr. Alexa explained.

Ryder walked in with the big machine then. They went through the prep routine and soon enough the transceiver was getting an image of the baby from Clare's belly.

Clare bit her lip nervously as the image started appearing on the blue and black screen.

"There's the baby's head," Dr. Alexa pointed to the right side of the screen, "the arms, the legs, though the baby is still curled up. Your baby is starting to develop bones and can move all of its joints."

"Can we know the gender of the baby?" Bianca asked excitedly.

Clare couldn't stop staring at the picture on the screen of the tiny life that she was carrying.

"Not yet, but by her next appointment in two weeks, we should be able to tell," Dr. Alexa replied, handing Clare pictures of this ultrasound. "I'll see you in two weeks Clare. Take good care of yourself."

"I will," Clare replied. She wiped the transparent gel off of herself. Dr. Alexa left the room.

"You know. The baby is about the size of a grape fruit," Ryder said casually. Clare laughed.

"And," she continued, "his or her hearing has developed enough to the point where she can hear noises outside the womb. He or she can hear you talk and gets used to hearing your voice, as well as the voices of those you surround yourself with regularly."

"That's so cool," Bianca said.

The three of them began to walk out of the exam room and towards the exit to the waiting room. They paid no attention to the people walking in their direction.

"Do you want your baby to be a boy a girl?" Ryder asked.

"Boy," Bianca cut in with a smile.

"And you?" Ryder asked Clare.

Clare put her hand thoughtfully over her bump, "It doesn't really-."

"Clare?" A voice cut in.

Her eyes widened in sheer horror. Clare looked up from her bump and saw none other than Cece Goldsworthy not three feet away with a very pregnant woman by her side.

Ryder smiled, not knowing the situation, "I'll see you in two weeks Clare." She walked away with the woman Cece walked in with.

Clare couldn't speak, think or move.

"Hi Cece," Clare finally choked out.

Bianca looked lost, not knowing who Cece was.

"What are you doing here?" Cece asked and noticed the way Clare was protectively holding her midsection. Realization etched across her face. "Are you-," she began to ask.

Clare nodded once. There was no emotion on Cece's face. She briefly wondered if that was good or bad.

"Clare, we have to go. I have to meet Dr. Doom in twenty minutes," Bianca whispered.

"Okay," Clare replied. They walked around Cece without saying goodbye, who was still dumbfounded in her place.

**xXx**

"Who was that?" Bianca asked as they drove home.

Clare sighed heavily, "That was Eli's mom."

"Wow," Bianca replied, "well, he obviously didn't tell her anything. She looked at you like you were a ghost."

Clare swallowed back her tears, "I didn't expect him to tell."

"What a jerk. I should give him a piece of my mind when I see him," Bianca muttered angrily.

"Don't. Just do your project or whatever. Don't bring me up, please," Clare whispered.

Bianca looked over at her friend with sadness, "Fine."

**xXx**

Bianca walked into the same café as before and headed for the back table. Eli looked pissed off, leaning back against the red leather back rest of the booth. She slid into the seat opposite him, silently.

"Why the hell are you so late?" He asked impatiently.

Bianca rolled her eyes, "I had important things to do."

Eli laughed grimly, "Like what? Buy some more weed?"

"No, actually I was playing daddy to Clare's baby. She had an ultrasound after school," Bianca retorted, already forgetting what Clare had asked of her.

Eli's features took on a hostile appearance and Bianca noticed the way he gripped the coffee mug in front of him harshly.

The waitress came by and Bianca asked for a coffee.

"How is she?" he asked solemnly.

Bianca snorted and leaned forward on the table, getting in his face.

"I'm pretty sure you gave up any right to ask questions when you decided you wanted nothing to do with the baby," she stated coldly.

Eli looked away.

"But if you really care in that rock hard black heart of yours, then I can tell you that she's fine. Clare's seventeen weeks along and the baby is the size of a grape fruit," Bianca told him.

He nodded, not saying anything.

"You know what?" Bianca asked. "I really thought that you would be there for that kid. You must have really cared about Clare if you crashed your hearse to get her attention but then you abandon her when she needs you the most."

"She left me when I needed her the most," Eli snapped.

"Because you scared her!" Bianca said loudly. "God how stupid are you? She asked for a few days so she could breathe, do something with other friends. She wasn't breaking up with you when she asked you for space. You were the one who took it the wrong way."

Eli sank back, "She promised me she'd never leave me."

"You're so dense I swear," Bianca sighed. "You made her the center of your universe. Clare didn't want you to get better for her; she wanted you to do it for yourself."

Eli ignored her.

"Whatever," Bianca sighed, "I'm finished talking about you and Clare. Her reaction was normal and she did nothing wrong."

"Fuck you," Eli murmured. He stood up and dropped a few bills on the table to pay for his own coffee.

Bianca did the same and ran after him.

"Hey!" Bianca caught up and grabbed his arm.

"What?" He snapped, ripping his arm out of her grasp.

"When we were at the clinic today, we ran into your mom," Bianca told him. "Have fun with that."

Eli froze in his spot and Bianca walked away.

**xXx**

Clare hadn't been to church in months. She's stopped going to Friendship Club and praying was a rare occurrence. A small part of her was sad that she didn't practice like she once did, but another part of her knew her heart had stopped believing in a lot of what she'd been taught.

She walked down the hallways of Degrassi towards the cafeteria for lunch when Luke, the head of the Friendship Club, stopped in front of her.

"Good morning Clare," he said. The usual smile that adorned his face when he used to greet her was absent today. It made her a tad uneasy.

"Hi Luke," she greeted, and bit her lip.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"Uh…sure," Clare replied hesitantly.

They walked together towards the room the Friendship Club usually had lunch in. The room was unusually empty. Only two other girls, Lisa and Mary, were in the room. Clare had known the three others since she was a little girl. They had all attended the same church and Sunday school. They'd done their First Communion and Confirmation together.

"How are you Clare?" Lisa asked, eyeing Clare up and down.

Clare tried to cover herself, causing Lisa and Luke to exchange weird glances. "I'm fine," she replied.

Mary cleared her throat. "We just. We know that you've been absent from church, and you've stopped showing up here. We haven't asked you about your absence," she stated bravely, "but it's been a few months Clare. We left it alone at first because we know you had a period of doubt when your parents were divorcing."

Clare shifted uncomfortably, "I-yeah."

Luke picked up the conversation then. "We gave you time, you missed a few meetings but we understood. It was a tough time, but you found your way back to the Lord as any good Christian person will. We heard about what happened between you and that Eli guy."

"We prayed a lot for you Clare," Lisa said, "that'd you'd come to your senses and leave that no good atheist."

Clare bit her tongue, trying not to make a snarky reply.

"We continued to pray for you Clare. You were such a good person until he came along. We thought you'd be strong enough to stay on the right path," Mary continued.

Clare remembered when Darcy told her about the extremists in Friendship Club. She was feeling like Mary, Luke, and Lisa were the extremists now.

"Our mothers met for Sunday brunch while we were at youth group," Luke said slowly, "they were talking and your mom told our moms something we couldn't believe."

Her eyes widened but she tried not to look shocked. They couldn't be possibly talking about her pregnancy. Her mother had to be too ashamed to tell anyone, especially her friends from church.

"Clare…we knew that disgusting atheist was changing you, but we never guessed how much," Mary spat.

Lisa nodded along. "I can't believe you broke your vow. The vow we all took together in front of the congregation."

Luke looked Clare in the eye, "We need your purity ring back. You've obviously turned your back to the Lord. We've seen you around with your new friends Clare."

"You're a slut," Mary sneered, "a pregnant slut."

Lisa put her hand on Mary's shoulder to calm her down then looked at Clare as if she was superior to her. "God is condemning you for the sins you chose to commit Clare. How are you going to raise a child alone? Your poor mother, one daughter was raped because of her promiscuity, lied about a teacher molesting her and had sex with a boy during brat camp."

Clare clenched her fists as they insulted Darcy.

"And the other is a sixteen year old slut pregnant with a psycho atheist's child," Mary finished.

"We really need your ring back," Luke said sternly, "and we'll continue to pray for you Clare. For you and that child."

Clare turned and walked away. She exited the classroom, shutting the door behind her. She started running away from the classroom, tears pouring from her eyes.

What she didn't notice was Adam standing near the classroom with shock etched across his features.

**xXx**

Bianca tapped her tray nervously. Clare hadn't shown up to lunch. She pulled out her phone and texted her for the fifth time. She looked up from her phone and scanned the cafeteria, hoping Clare was somewhere in there. Her eyes passed over Eli.

He was looking at her angrily and Bianca wanted to give him the finger. Imogen saw them glaring daggers at each other and gave Bianca a dirty look. She would've liked nothing more than to walk up to Imogen, get up in her face, and let her know that he boyfriend was a deadbeat teenage baby daddy who wanted nothing to do with the child he'd fathered.

But knowing that trippy freak, she'd probably applaud Eli for it. Imogen was a weird one that was for damn sure. She laughed at the fact that Eli and Imogen were sitting with Drew and Alli. They were all polar opposites. She scoffed and went back to checking her phone.

No new messages. Owen was nowhere to be found either.

Bianca got up from the table quickly and threw away her lunch. She set off to look for her friends.

**xXx**

Owen was walking down the hallway away from Mr. Simpson's office. So he'd pushed some kid into a locker. The kid started it by insulting him. Fucking crybabies.

He was walking to the cafeteria when Clare ran into him. She was crying hard and shaking violently. Her face was paler than usual and her eyes were bright red. She looked up at Owen, put her head on his chest and continued to cry.

Owen was at a loss. Here was a girl with her head buried in his chest, crying her eyes out. He didn't know how to comfort a girl. The few people that were walking by were pointing at them though.

_"Owen…and Saint Clare?" _He could hear them whisper.

Not that Owen cared what people thought of him.

He gently put his hand on Clare's back and walked her to the bench outside of the library. He let her continue to cry and she gripped his shoulder hard. He didn't know what else to do, but letting her cry seemed like a good thing.

She was breathing hard between sobs and he rubbed her shoulder softly.

"Did Eli do something to you?" Owen asked, just a bit angrily.

Clare shook her head.

"Was it Imogen? Alli?" He asked. Girls could be so vicious sometimes.

Clare tried to explain but Owen couldn't understand a word she was saying. He discreetly texted Bianca and within minutes she was rushing towards them.

"Clare?" Bianca kneeled by her friend.

Clare unraveled herself from Owen only to throw her arms around Bianca, who squeezed her back just as tightly. Bianca asked her what happened and although Owen could still not understand a word Clare said, Bianca huffed with anger.

Owen swore girls had a secret language.

"I'm going to kick those bible humping hypocrites in the face," Bianca said, stroking Clare's head softly.

Owen just rolls his eyes. Friendship Club was so deceitful. He'd seen that Jesus loving freak Luke sneak into the Ravine and buy some bud every once in a while. He laughed at the fact that Luke thought that a simple black hoodie and dark sunglasses hid his identity. The pothead probably got high in those confessional rooms.

"You're not a slut," Bianca reassured Clare sternly, but Clare's cries only came harder. Owen could heard only every other word that came out of Clare's mouth among them were, 'rape,' 'Darcy,' 'lying,' 'atheist,' and 'psycho.'

Bianca clenched her fists angrily and bit her lip worriedly, "Clare you have to stop crying. Your blood pressure is going to go up and that puts stress on the baby. He or she will get sick."

Upon being reminded of that, Clare's sobs started dying down.

"Watch her for a second, will you?" Bianca asked. "I've got to go do something."

"Bianca no. Don't go throwing punches," Clare said instantly, scrambling to get up. Owen gently brought her back down though.

Bianca smiled innocently and shrugged, "Relax Edwards. I'm only going to have a word with Luke and company."

"Promise?" Clare asked.

"Promise," Bianca sighed and walked away. Her stance was one of anger.

Owen turned back to Clare, who was only letting out the quietest of whimpers and sniffles. He bit his lip, unsure of how to word what he wanted to say.

"I know it may not mean a lot coming from me of all people," Owen said, "but I know you're the last person who should be labeled a slut. Those Jesus loving losers hate everything that's not strictly in their guidelines, you know that better than anyone."

Clare nodded, leaning back against the wall.

"So don't let them get to you. According to them, they're the only perfect ones," Owen continued, "but I can tell you for a fact that they just hide it better than the rest of us."

Clare raised an eyebrow in question.

"Luke's a major pothead," Owen shrugged, "comes by the Ravine badly disguised to buy weed every few weeks."

Owen watched as her puffy bright blue eyes widened immensely.

"Wow," was all she could say.

"I know," he replied.

Clare cleared her throat. "Thanks Owen. You've been so kind to me. I can see you're really trying to change. Anya would've been a lucky girl if she'd just given you the chance."

Owen froze momentarily; he hated any mention of _her_ name. Clare must've sensed his change in composure because she smiled at him sorrowfully.

"Thanks Clare," he croaked out, "that means a lot coming from you."

**xXx**

Bianca marched into the Friendship Club classroom and slammed the door behind herself. The three do-gooders jump in fear.

"What do you want skank?" Mary asked bravely.

Bianca giggled as if it didn't faze her.

"You bible humping hypocrites are going to leave Clare alone, got it?" She sneered.

"Sure. Whatever, we just need our ring back from that atheist loving sinner," Lisa piped in.

"Oh shut up," Bianca barked, "I know you've dropped to your knees for Ron-Ron at the Ravine on more than one occasion."

Mary gasped with a horrified look on her face, but then composed herself as if she hadn't heard what Bianca said. Lisa bit her thumbnail guiltily.

"Clare chose a life of sin," Luke tried to reason, "we just need her ring back."

Bianca rolled her eyes and wondered if he was stoned.

"Whatever, I'll bring it to you. You stay away from her and not a word about her pregnancy to anyone, understood?" Bianca warned.

Mary grinned evilly from where she was sitting cross-legged on the desk.

"Oops!" She cried. "I may have already let it slip to one or ten people."

"You bitch," Bianca spat.

Mary gave her a look of pure indifference. She pulled out her bible and began to read verses aloud to her friends. They pretended as if Bianca had never interrupted them.

She walked away more pissed off than when she'd come in.

**xXx**

Clare felt suffocated. Everyone in the room was staring at her. Not at her face, but at her body. Trying to find what she'd been trying to hide. She swallowed anxiously, looking at the ticking clock, willing it to go faster. But it ticked by slowly, torturing her,

Eli had opted to skip English today, but even the empty seat in front of her taunted her every move. She could feel his angry presence despite his absence. There were soft whispers going around the room and Clare wished that Ms. Dawes would catch them and tell them to shut up.

Adam was looking at her with sad eyes and no, Clare didn't want or need anyone's pity. She just needed people to leave her alone. There was ringing in her ears and she could barely understand the notes Ms. Dawes wanted them to copy.

Finally, the bell rang loudly. Clare shoved everything into her bag without a second thought and left for her next class.

The stares and whispers only seemed to get worse.

Everytime she turned her head there was someone else looking at her, trying to detect if the rumor was true. She could see people whispering and pointing at her. She could feel her heart rate and breathing start to pick up.

The things people called out were ringing in her ears.

_Guess church wasn't the only thing she got on her knees for._

_She's not wearing her purity ring!_

_Hallelujah wasn't the only thing she screamed out._

_Seems like it wasn't just Jesus' body and blood she was worshipping._

_I told you it's always the Christian girls. They're so desperate to get some._

_Wonder if she was frigid from all those years of "abstinence"._

Clare kept walking, trying to ignore it all. She blinked away the tears threatening to come out when she felt an arm wrap around her shoulder. She looked up confusedly and saw Adam guiding her away from the hallway.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He asked.

Clare nodded quickly. She wouldn't be able to get through the rest of the day.

Adam quickly led her through one of the side exits and they were soon on track to her house. Clare tried to keep herself together, but Adam's protective hold wasn't helping either.

**xXx**

They reached her house a few minutes later. Clare opened the door shakily and walked to her couch. She dropped onto it and wrapped her arms around herself.

Adam dropped his book bag by her stair case and went to her couch. He pulled Clare onto his lap and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"They're all stupid Clare," Adam soothed, rubbing her back tenderly. "They don't know anything. Don't believe a word they say."

"Why are you here? Why are you being so nice to me?" Clare asked suddenly, filled with genuine confusion.

Adam bit his lip, "I'm sorry. I should never have been so horrible to you. I was so mad when you left Eli. He was so broken."

Clare flinched and cleared her throat, "Obviously not so broken. He has Imogen now."

Adam squeezed her shoulder, "Fiona's a lesbian."

"What?" Clare asked.

Adam nodded sadly, "She told me a few days ago that she liked that I was 'the best of both worlds' like that shitty Hannah Montana song. This whole time she only wanted me because underneath all this she only wanted the damn girl body I can't get rid of. She wanted me to keep up appearances, but tried to fix it by telling me she really cared about me. I'm so delusional."

Clare put her hand gently on his cheek. "You're not delusional. There's going to be a girl one day that loves you for you. All of you."

Adam smiled. "You're so quick to forgive Clare. Thank you."

Clare shrugged and snuggled back into Adam's side. She wanted to punch Fiona for leading Adam on.

"How far along are you?" Adam asked gently.

Clare sighed, "Seventeen weeks."

"Damn, and you didn't notice that you weren't getting your - ," Adam asked.

Clare shook her head, "How did you know?"

"I was…uh…by the Friendship Club room this morning. I overheard those jerks talking to you," Adam said quietly.

"Do you want to see my latest ultrasound pictures?" Clare shook her head, trying to forget this morning.

Adam nodded and Clare climbed off him to reach for her purse. She pulled out the three pictures she'd recently gotten and handed them to him. Adam studied them carefully.

"What did Eli say?" He asked.

Clare looked away, "You know as well as I do what his solution with Julia was."

Adam lifted an eyebrow, "Wow, I'm sorry Clare. I could talk to him."

"No," Clare snapped, "I know what he doesn't want and I'm going to respect that."

"Okay," Adam mumbled. Clare sat back on the couch and fell asleep leaning on Adam's side. She asked him to stay, not wanting to be alone after this difficult day.

Her phone vibrated on the coffee table and he reached for it.

She had ten messages waiting and three missed calls. Another phone call came in and Adam answered it quickly.

"Finally!" Bianca shouted from the other side, "Clare, where are you? Are you okay?"

Adam cleared his throat, "She's fine. I brought her home."

"Adam?" Bianca asked.

"Yeah," he replied, waiting for an insult.

Bianca sighed in relief on the other line, "Okay. I'll be home in a little bit. Just stay with her please."

"I will," Adam answered before hanging up.

Sure enough, Bianca walked through the front door a few minutes later with Owen on her heels.

"I'm going to punch that Mary bitch in her dumb face," Bianca said but stopped when Adam shushed her.

"Is she okay?" Bianca walked over and knelt on the ground next to the couch.

"She was really worked up," Adam informed her, "but I helped calm her down."

Bianca ran her fingers through Clare's curls. She looked up at Adam awkwardly. "Thanks, I'm sure it meant a lot to her to have you help her."

Adam nodded, "Tell her to call me if she needs anything but I have to go now, my mother's going to be on a rampage because I skipped the rest of the day."

"I'm going to head out too Bee," Owen said.

Bianca nodded.

The boys walked out of the house.

"Dude, you need a ride back home or something?" Owen asked.

Adam looked at Owen confusedly. He saw nothing but sincerity on his part though. A part of him wanted to say no and tell Owen to fuck off, but if he got home any later he was going to face Audra Torres' worst fury.

"Sure," Adam replied, "thanks."

**xXx**

Clare woke up and found Bianca spread out on the floor doing homework. She could smell something boiling in the kitchen and a faint hum coming from the laundry room.

"How long have I been out?" Clare asked, wiping the sleep from her eyes. She stretched out her tired limbs.

"Few hours," Bianca replied, "didn't have the heart to wake you up after today."

Clare winced, "Where's Adam?"

"Owen gave him a ride home."

Her face must've been one of shock because Bianca laughed lightly. "I know, I couldn't believe it either."

Clare lay back down and started dozing off again when the doorbell rang.

"I got it," she heard Bianca say. She heard her friend's soft footsteps and the door opening.

"Hello," Bianca greeted whoever was there.

She heard the other person mumble something.

"Um…okay," Bianca said slowly, "Clare?"

Clare rubbed her eyes and sat up slowly. She looked over the back of the couch to see who was at the door.

Clare was wide-eyed as Bianca held open the door for non-other than Cece Goldsworthy.

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Review please. :)<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

[Don't own Degrassi or Panic! At the Disco]

Twitter: nomadichead

Tumblr: fumbled-trust

Thanks to all of you who have been waiting patiently for another chapter of this. I just started Uni yesterday. I've been busy the last few weeks packing and getting myself together for this huge change. I am 700 miles from home and a little of out place right now. I finally got around to finishing this chapter last night and the wonderful letsallgetsage beta'd for me on short notice. Thank you!

Thank you to all of the people who read this and review.

Review, Review, Review!

* * *

><p>Clare was speechless, "Umm… come in."<p>

Cece stepped in and slowly walked towards Clare asBianca shut the door behind her and walked into the living room. The older girl picked her homework up off the floor and turned to Clare,"I'll be upstairs."

Bianca squeezed Clare's shoulder as she walked past and gave Cece a weary look. Her socked footsteps were the only noise heard throughout the house as she took the stairs two at a time.

Cece took a seat next to Clare and smiled cautiously at Bianca's retreating figure.

"She seems like a good friend," Cece started.

Clare nodded and smiled fondly in the direction of the staircase, "She is."

She could feel Cece analyzing her, and sensed a sweat breaking out. She swallowed nervously and shut her eyes, taking a deep breath. Suddenly, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her and squeeze tightly.

"Clare, sweetheart. Please calm down," Cece spoke gently, "you look absolutely petrified. I'm not here to yell at you or whatever it is you think I'm going to do."

"You're not?"

"Of course not," Cece said, "I came to talk toyou, not attack you."

"Oh. I'm sorry," Clare began."I just-," but Cece raised her hand to stop her from continuing. Clare closed her mouth and waited patiently.

Cece sighed and intertwined her fingersbefore setting them in her lap. "Clare, when I saw you at the clinic, I honestly didn't know what to think. I dropped my friend off at her home and drove back to my own. I made dinner and waited for Bullfrog to come back from some errands he was running. Eli was out with- he was out," she said, "the whole afternoon I was alone and I could not get that image of you standing across from me in the clinic with your hand protectively over your belly."

Clare looked down at her feet and started to mentally prepare herself for whatever was to come next.

"When Eli came home I cornered him immediately," Cece explained, "I asked him if he knew. He nodded and I couldn't believe that this had happened again."

Clare flinched and felt tremors start to take over her body.

"I didn't ask him anything after that, I know Eli and what his… um… solution to all of this is." Cece rubbed her forehead as if fighting off a headache. "What are you going to do sweetheart?" She asked suddenly.

Clare sucked in a deep breath and straightened her posture. "I'm keeping him…or her."

"I figured as much, with your beliefs and all... I knew you wouldn't… do the same thing Julia did. But what do your parents have to say? I can't imagine they're too thrilled about their sixteen year old daughter being pregnant," Cece said.

"My dad accepted it. He wasn't happy about it, obviously, but he's not really in a position to judge me. We're not in a good place right now due to other factors but he's supportive and promised to help me. He, his girlfriend, and their baby live across town so his help is mostly financial," Clare explained bitterly. Cece caught onto her tone, but didn't press her for more.

"What about your mom sweetie? Where is she?" Cece asked.

Clare froze, "She's at her apartment." She swallowed a lump in her throat, "She's not talking to me."

"Oh," Cece said, "Are you sure about this Clare? About keeping the baby?"

Clare nodded, "This baby is mine. I'm not…I can't give him or her up."

Cece took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her long overly processed blonde hair. She gave Clare a smile that she didn't expect and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Okay," Cece said calmly.

"Okay what?" Clare asked.

"I know Eli doesn't want to be here for this," Cece said blatantly, "but I do and Bullfrog too. That baby is our grandchild and we're not going to leave you alone in this."

She should have been relieved but instead, Clare felt an overwhelming amount of shame. Her bottom lip began to quiver and she completely broke down in Cece's arms.

"Clare, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Cece asked worriedly.

Clare only sobbed harder at the kindness Cece was showing her. "You should hate me!" She wailed, "How can you be so nice to me? Why don't you hate me? I hate me. I left him at the hospital after he crashed. If I hadn't been so horrible to him on the phone, he wouldn't have crashed."

Bianca bounded down the stairs. "What's wrong? Why is she crying?" She asked fiercely.

Cece held her hand up to Bianca, "Everything is okay. We're just talking."

Bianca huffed and turned to Clare who was wiping her eyes as even more tears fell. Clare waved her hand weakly in Bianca's direction and she retreated back up the stairs.

"Clare," Cece began, "I don't hate you. I never could. Sweetheart, you're only sixteen and it's easy to understand that Eli's problemswould be draining for you. You were dealing with your own problems too. There was no way that you could help yourself and try to help Eli at the same time. Besides, Eli needed more help than you, Bullfrog, or I could give him alone. The therapy is really helping, that's what he really needed."

"That and he has that little creep by his side," Clare spat resentfully.

Cece made a face; she wasn't really a fan of Imogen either, but she kept her mouth shut.

"You helped him a lot Clare," she said softly, "please don't blame yourself for anything sweetheart."

"Okay," Clare croaked, "thank you for everything."

Cece nodded, "Now you said that your dad is helping you with the house bills? What about your medical expenses?"

"I'm not paying for any of that, I just show my OHIP card when I go for check-ups and ultrasounds," Clare explained.

"What about nursery stuff? Have you started looking for furniture? Have you cleared out a room?"

"Bianca's mom, Miranda, brought me some stuff the other day. I have a changing table, a baby swing, and a bassinet."

"That's nice of her; Bullfrog and I will take care of everything else that you need. We'll go shopping or something soon, okay?"

"You don't have to-," Clare started but Cece put a finger to the girl's lips, shushing her.

"But we want to Clare," Cece smiled, "and you can't stop us. Do we wish that we would be given our first grandchild when Eli was older, way older? Yes. But that doesn't mean that we won't love this baby, or that we don't want to be a part of its life."

Clare smiled and hugged Cece, "Thank you."

"Okay," Cece hugged her back, "I've got to go now but call me if you need anything at all, at any time, day or night."

Bianca came down the stairs and went into the kitchen, throwing a smile Cece's way after sensing that something good had happened.

"Alright," Clare walked her to the door and began shut it behind her.

"Wait," Cece said turning back around, "Clare do you think I could go with you to your next ultrasound?"

Clare nodded, "Of course."

"Okay, thank you. And take good care of yourself," Cece hugged Clare one more time before finally leaving.

"Good news?" Bianca asked while she pulled out bowls from the cabinet.

"Yeah," Clare said slowly, "she and Eli's dad, Bullfrog, want to help. They want to be a part of my baby's life."

"What about Eli?" Bianca asked.

Clare shrugged, "Eli and my mom are very similar in one aspect."

"What?"

"They're the most stubborn people I know. Once they've got their mind set on something, almost nothing will change it. They both decided that they don't want to be here, so I'm not holding my breath for either of them to waltz through that door with a smile anytime soon…or maybe ever," Clare felt a fresh wave of tears coming on, "I just have to deal with it."

Bianca wrapped her arms around her, "Well, you have me, your dad, my mom, Owen, Eli's parents, and Adam now too…you are not alone in this."

xXx

Bianca tapped her black pen again the palm of her hand impatiently. She was sitting in psychology class waiting for Ms. Ryan to start.

"So kids, I decided to cancel the project. However, with the same partners, I came up with something for you all to do instead," Ms. Ryan explained, "I want you to become deeply in tune with your partner and write a personal essay about them. Get in their shoes and write about what they do. Trade places for a day and see what their daily struggles are, should they have any."

Bianca's arm went straight up into the air, "That's personal. Why are you trying to get all up in my business?"

The class snickered but Ms. Ryan kept a straight face. "Bianca, we live in a society where we do not see past ourselves to what matters the most to us. I want you all to step out of your own worlds and reflect on what is going on in someone else's life."

Bianca stopped herself from snorting and rolled her eyes. She turned toward Eli, who was shooting her an angry glare.

"So is this like a biography?" Fiona asked.

"Sort of, but I don't want you all to just list year by year what happened to your partner. Pick a few of the most significant events in their lives and get in their shoes, write about how they felt while they were going through that," Ms. Ryan explained.

Bianca wanted to slam her head into the desk until she was unconscious. She slumped in her seat and used the pen cap to push back her cuticles.

"I dislike you as much as you dislike me," Eli stated, pulling his desk toward hers, "but we both need a good grade on this assignment."

"Yeah. Well I don't really want to go inside your head, who knows what I might find," Bianca replied coldly.

"Fuck you, do you even have anything inside your brain or is it all clogged up from your mousse and hairspray?"

"How original Dr. Doom."

"Ms. DeSousa, Mr. Goldsworthy," Ms. Ryan interrupted, "I should remind you that this project will determine if you pass or fail this class this semester. Fail and you'll both be a credit short for graduation."

xXx

"How are you feeling?" Adam asked Clare.

She moved her hand in a so-so gesture, never lifting her gaze from the book in front of her.

"I'm hungry," Clare declared after a few minutes. "Let's go to The Dot."

"Where's Bianca?"

Clare shrugged, "She gave Owen a ride home…I'll text her right now and tell her to meet us there if you want."

Adam nodded slowly. He didn't really know where he stood on Bianca's spectrum of people. They weren't friends per se but they didn't hate each other. Now that Adam had been spending more time with Clare, it meant more time with Bianca and she never made it seem like she minded being around him.

"C'mon," Clare said, jolting him out of his thoughts.

They walked from Clare's house to The Dot, enjoying the warm spring day.

"I can't believe school is almost over," Clare said wistfully.

Adam fixed his beanie and nodded, "This year went by so fast."

"So much has happened; I don't even feel like the same person anymore. Like….if I don't know, the Clare I was last year walked by me right now she wouldn't even cast a glance my way. I'm unrecognizable."

Adam picked up on the sadness in her voice and quickly pulled her into a hug. "You're still the same Clare. Sure things have changed for you, but that's okay, underneath it all you're still you."

Clare gave him a lopsided smile, "Thank you Adam. I missed you so much."

Adam smiled back sadly, "I know. I'm sorry for that again; it's a miracle you're even talking to me again. I wouldn't have given me another chance."

She pulled back from their hug and grabbed Adam's hand. "I don't want to talk about that anymore. I'm hungry and you probably are too."

They arrived at The Dot hand in hand, swinging their arms exaggeratedly.

Bianca was already waiting for them at a table next to the window. She looked up from her phone and smiled at their intertwined hands.

"Hello Adam," Bianca said.

"Hey," Adam slid into the booth next to Clare.

Peter came by to take their orders. He asked about Darcy briefly, making Clare uncomfortable for a moment, their last conversation had been pretty terrible.

_Clare was fixing beginning to clean out the guest bedroom to make room for the nursery before she got too big. She had lugged boxes full of stuff no one had touched in years to the front stoop where the thrift and secondhand store truck would pick them up._

_The house phone started ringing loudly and Clare almost killed herself running down the stairs to answer it._

_"Hello," she said breathlessly into the phone. Truth be told Clare couldn't remember the last time she'd used the land line, everyone just called her cell nowadays._

_"Clare?" Someone screeched from the other end._

_"Darcy?" Clare asked, "Oh my God, how are-."_

_"Is it true that you're pregnant?" Darcy yelled into the phone._

_Clare swallowed slowly._

_"I'll take your silence as a yes. Mom told me. She called me, all the way to Argentina, a few weeks a crying hysterically. I could barely get a sentence out of her."_

_Clare furrowed her eyebrows, "She was crying? When I told her she was pissed, she hasn't talked to me."_

_"She had a right to be mad Clarebear," Darcy said condescendingly, "you made a huge mistake."_

_Bianca walked in just then, after going to see her mom. She sat on the couch opposite Clare and pulled out her homework._

_"You're not even here! What do you want Darcy?"_

_"You know, when my mom told me, I asked her if she'd taken up recreational drinking since the divorce since there was no way my little sister, the girl who wore her catholic school uniform to public school, would ever have sex before marriage, let alone get pregnant."_

_"I gave up that stupid uniform weeks after you left, if you're really interested Alli and I took most of the clothes you asked me to donate."_

_"Clare," Darcy asked softly, "what happened to you? Mom is so distraught. I can't believe you'd break your vow, make such mistake, after what happened to me. Mom told me about him too, Eli something or other?"_

_"You were raped!" Clare shouted into the phone. "That's not a mistake, that's a catastrophe! I didn't make a mistake either; I willingly had sex with the boy I was in love with and whatever she told you is probably an exaggeration."_

_"Well, is it true that he was an atheist?"_

_"God Darcy, is that really what it boils down to? You said you went to help the world to become more open minded but you're still the same judgmental girl that made girls like Mia cry. You're the last person I ever thought I'd say this to but screw you Darcy."_

_ Clare hung up the phone._

_She was seething and spent the rest of the afternoon using her angry energy to finish cleaning out the guest bedroom._

"Darcy's fine," Clare said curtly, "I don't know where she is, somewhere in South America saving the world one God forsaken village at a time."

Peter nodded and left with their orders. Bianca gave Clare a soft, understanding smile.

"I have to pee," Clare said suddenly. Adam let her out of their booth and Clare walked away from their table.

Adam slid back in and scratched the back of his head nervously. He and Bianca hadn't had a real conversation yet. The small talks that they'd had up to that point only involved Clare. He looked at Bianca out of the corner of his eye and noticed how she was picking at her cuticles and biting her lip, deep in thought.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out suddenly and it took Adam a few seconds to comprehend what she said.

"Err…what?" He asked.

"I know, _I know_, I was horrible to you. I was such a bitch. I'm terrible, ugh, I don't even know why Clare is my friend. I was terrible to you, I threatened your life. I got you thrown into a door. You don't have to forgive me or talk to me. Hell, you don't even have to look at me ever again and I'd understand. But I just have to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Adam," Bianca said quickly.

Adam's eyes widened and he almost shuddered at the sight before him. Bianca DeSousa, the girl who'd single-handedly made his first semester at Degrassi a living hell, looked vulnerable. She was looking at Adam with wide eyes as she waited for his response. She looked weak and Adam knew he was getting a look at a side of Bianca that no one besides Clare and maybe Owen and her parents had ever seen.

He swallowed slowly and bit the inside of his cheek, thinking. Adam wasn't one to hold grudges but Bianca had really hurt him, not only physically but emotionally and mentally. He'd had nightmares for weeks after the door incident.

Bianca waited for him to answer, preparing for him to say no. He shouldn't have to forgive her, and if he didn't want to then she would understand. She just needed him to know.

"Okay," Adam said, offering her a small smile. "I forgive you."

Bianca couldn't fight back the tiny smile that escaped her own lips.

xXx

Clare walked through the hallways of Degrassi quickly. The shock from her pregnancy had deflated and the school gossips had moved onto a new, juicier topic. But there were still creeps harassing her. Now that "Saint" Clare's virginity was non-existent, boys used it as their gateway to hit on her. They didn't even care that she was pregnant.

They were so crude. They'd yell out things as she walked the hallways and laugh amongst their friends when she'd blush.

"Hey Clare," Julian whispered in her ear. Clare jumped about a foot in the air.

"Leave me alone," Clare said, trying to push past him.

But Julian wasn't one to give up easily; he'd been harassing her every day since her secret had been spilled. He laughed in a tone that shook Clare to her core.

"C'mon Clarebear," he cooed teasingly.

"Get away from me," Clare tried pushing him away.

He laughed and fell back but not before coping a feel on her ass. Clare gasped and almost burst into tears when Julian was suddenly shoved into the lockers. Eli had appeared from nowhere and now had Julian pinned with his back to the lockers.

"Don't you ever touch her again," Eli threatened in a voice full of malice. "If I even see you so much as glance in her direction I'll snap your neck before you can look away."

Clare flinched at Eli's graphic threat. It seemed to do the trick though, because Julian ran off the second Eli let him go.

Eli turned and gave Clare a look-over before scoffing and walking away. Clare wanted to go after him and thank him but knew he would only ignore her.

xXx

Bianca knocked on the wooden door slowly. No answer. She knocked again a few moments later.

Nothing.

The car wasn't in the driveway anymore and that would have been a sign of trouble had Bianca not known that Richard had taken the car away from her mom a few days ago.

She knocked again, harder this time. Richard was supposed to be working andBianca was supposed to see her mom today.

Bianca got angrier by the minute and she banged on the door with curled up fists. Her hard thuds against the soft wood should have alarmed neighbors…back in Clare's neighborhood. But in Bianca's part of town, noises like that were practically lullabies.

The frustrated girl pounded on the door one more time. Maybe her mom was asleep? Miranda had said that she hadn't been getting much sleep lately because Chris was sick.

Bianca was about to hit the door, out of pure anger this time, when the little Mexican lady from across the street hobbled over to her front stoop.

"Nina," she said in a thick accent.

"What?" Bianca asked.

"Se fueron. Ellos ya no están aquí," she continued to explain but Bianca didn't understand a word that came from her mouth.

She tried to remember what she'd been taught in grade nine Spanish.

"Hace unos días que se fueron por la mañana. La señora me dejo esto antes de irse. Creo que es para ti. Bueno, me dijo que para una muchacha con pelo castaño y chino como el tuyo," the lady said. She pulled an envelope out of her apron pocket and gave it to Bianca. She gave her a weak smile before going back to her own home.

Bianca looked noticed that her mom's writing was scrawled in a hurried manner across the front of the envelope. She sat down on the stoop and ripped the envelope open. She pulled a letter out and started reading.

_Bianca,_

_I'm sorry to leave you without an explanation but it's best you don't know. I love you so much. I'm so sorry. Be good._

_Mom_

Bianca felt her stomach churning. She ran around the house to the backyard andbroke in through one of the loose windows**,** fallingonto the floor with hard thud. She lifted her head and scanned the room. Everything was gone. She noticed there were heavy scratches and marks on the floor from furniture that was moved hastily.

She was horrified. Bianca walked to the front of the house and left out the front door. The light from the sun was blinding her.

xXx

Clare was meandering around the mall alone. Bianca was off visiting her mom, Adam was off interning for Bullfrog's radio station, and Owen was at lacrosse practice. The mall was not very crowded on this Wednesday afternoon.

She sat at a bench nervously. Her thumbnail was between her teeth, she bit down on it gently, not wanting to crack it. Clare stared at the store just a few meters away from her. A brand new baby store had been opened in place of one of the many shoe stores. There was a huge grand opening sale going on and there were a few people inside; pregnant women in their twenties and thirties mostly, with their boyfriends or husbands.

Clare was intimidated by everything. She wanted to go in, desperately, but she didn't know if she'd be able to handle the stares and silent judgment of the older women. She looked down to her belly, which was still relatively small, but more pronounced every few days.

She counted to ten in her head and took a deep breath. Clare walked into the bright store and quickly went to the aisles. She sighed in relief and began looking through the many things that were hung out in front of her. There were whole sections dedicated to everything from pacifiers to teething toys.

But she didn't need any of these things quite yet. Clare walked down a section that had been named "Before Baby". It was filled with books and even some maternity clothes. One thing in particular caught her eye though.

A row of baby books was on the bottom shelf of the aisle. Clare sat down cross-legged and pulled out the closest one to her. The pages were a soft yellow and green, clean and ready to be written in. Little shapes bordered the edges and Clare giggled at all the different questions that wereasked throughout the "pregnancy" pages.

She leaned forward to shelf the book when she saw it.

Sitting in the back was a cream-colored baby book. Embroidered on the cover was the phrase "Future Nobel Prize Winner" in navy blue thread. A peace sign, a book, an Erlenmeyer flask, the Atom symbol, a stethoscope, and many other little icons representing the many prizes were stamped all over the cover as well.

Clare wanted that book more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life. If there was one thing her baby would definitely get, it was going to be smarts. Her and Eli were both in the top five percent of their class. She scrambled forward and stuck her hand to the back of the shelf and retrieved the book with a smile on her face.

"I can't wait to fill mine out either," a soft voice said. Clare was pulled from her thoughts and looked up from the ground to see the girl from the cash register by the entrance smiling down at her.

It was then that Clare noticed the very prominent bump under the girl's shirt.

"Oh, yeah, me either," Clare replied tentatively. "I know you from somewhere."

"Um…are you Darcy Edwards' little sister?" She asked.

Clare nodded.

"I'm Marie, I was in your sister's graduating class at Degrassi," Marie explained, "She and I worked on a project together once."

"I remember now, Darcy was gone by then but my family went to the graduation anyway because her volunteer work was being mentioned when she would have gotten her diploma. Weren't you the one who got the full ride to U of T?"

Marie nodded with a sad smile on her face.

"Yeah, I was able to finish my first year, since we're done in May but I won't be going back next year." She said.

Clare blinked rapidly. The realizations hitting her like a ton of bricks.

"Um…I'll just take this," Clare said awkwardly. They walked towards the registers where Marie rung her up.

"Good luck with everything," Marie said before she left.

Clare nodded, "You too."

She walked out quickly, shaking her head, trying to get the thoughts of her new reality to stop.

Clare's pace picked up, she needed to get away from that store and Marie as fast as possible. Her curls were flying behind her and people were stared as she broke into a run. The plastic bag with the baby book swayed back and forth in her hand.

She shoved open the glass doors, almost hitting some guy and ran to the bike rack. The once sunny day was hidden behind a swirl of ominous clouds. It was still light enough that Clare could ride home though. She dropped to her knees and fumbled with the lock.

Her nerves impeded her from putting in the right combination though andfrustrated, she shoved the bike with all of her strength.

A familiar pair black boots stood by her and a hand covered in rings balanced the bike. Clare looked up to see Eli looking at her with a curious expression, but it only lasted for the fraction of a second, the coldness once again took over his features and his eyes narrowed.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

Clare huffed and shifted closer to the bike. Eli squatted down next to her. A rumble of thunder clapped over them. She didn't answer him. Clare just wanted to go home.

Eli was on the other side of the bike, staring at her sad and desperate features. "Clare, are you okay?" He asked again. He was quiet for a few moments, "Is…um…is it okay?"

Clare looked up from her bike and glared at Eli. "She," she began and Eli gasped. Clare sighed, "Or he is just fine. I have to get home."

"Let me take you," Eli said softly, though the coldness in his expression didn't change.

"No," Clare mumbled, "I just have to get this lock to open."

"Clare," Eli said, tone a little more desperate this time, "it's going to start raining hard really soon. Put your bike in the car and let me take you home. Please."

She looked up from the bike and sighed in surrender. "Fine."

Eli closed his eyes and exhaled in relief. He snatched the lock and spun in the combination. It snapped open and he unhooked the bike. Clare stood up and dusted off the imaginary dirt from her jeans.

She took the bike from Eli and rolled it towards the car Clare could identify as Cece's SUV. The rain began pelting them as she hauled the bike into the back of the truck and Clare's teeth began to chatter as she climbed into the passenger seat.

When Eli noticed Clare shivering in her wet sweater he flipped on the heater like second nature.

He pulled out of the parking space and started heading to her house.

"What happened in there?" Eli asked.

"Nothing," Clare said coldly.

Eli stayed silent.

After a few minutes he pulled into her driveway, the rain was pouring harder now. Clare jumped out of the truck right after Eli parked it. She opened the back latch and pulled out her bike, dropping it on the grass without a second thought.

She walked to the driver window and saw Eli staring down at the baby book she'd bought and forgotten in her haste to get out. He was looking down at it with mixed emotions; there was sadness, fear, and anger.

Clare opened the door and snatched the book from Eli's hands. "Thank you," she said curtly.

Eli nodded and pulled the door shut. He pulled out and drove away immediately.

She walked up the steps of her stoop and pounded on the door. Owen opened and made a face at Clare's appearance.

"Did you ride your bike home in the rain? You should've called me to pick you up," he said.

"I got a ride home, where's Bianca?" Clare asked. She peeled off the wet sweater and rung out her hair on the welcome mat.

Owen's face distorted into one of pain.

"What?" Clare asked.

"She's upstairs," he replied.

Clare shoved her wet sweater at him. "Put that in the dryer for me."

She kicked off her shoes and took the stairs two at a time. She ran to Darcy's door and opened it with no hesitation.

Bianca was curled up under the covers.

Clare tiptoed over to the bed and sat down. Bianca shifted to make more room for Clare but didn't pull the covers off. Clare put her hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. After a few minutes Bianca sat up and let the blanket fall.

Her curls were in disarray. Her black mascara had run down her cheeks. Her nose and eyes were bright red. This was the first time Clare had seen Bianca in such a wretched state.

"She's gone," Bianca whispered.

Clare blinked a few times, processing the words. "What?"

Bianca gestures to a folded up piece of paper on the nightstand. Clare unfolded it and read the handwriting quickly. She lifted her gaze from the paper to her friend.

A whole new wave of tears washed over Bianca and she began to cry again. Clare pulled her friend close and hugged her tightly. Bianca broke down ever harder and squeezed Clare back tightly, hurting her a bit.

Eventually, the crying ceased and Bianca all but passed out in her bed. She was curled up tightly and resembled a terrified little girl. Clare pursed her lips and shut the door behind her. She walked down the stairs and found Owen flipping through her baby book.

"Your kid is going to be so nerdy," he teased.

"You know it," Clare replied. She sat down next to him. "Did she tell you?"

Owen shook his head. "She didn't say anything. She called me but didn't say a word; there was only harsh breathing and whimpers. I drove here as fast as possible; found the door open, she was lying in her bed already."

Clare handed him Miranda's note. He read it slowly and she watched as his face changed expressions.

"Fuck," was all he said.

Clare put her elbows on her knees and leaned forward. She ran her fingers through her hair and tugged at it.

"How was the mall?" Owen asked.

Clare had forgotten all about the incident with Marie. Suddenly, all the thoughts came rushing back at once. She groaned and fell back against the couch.

"Eli gave me a ride home," Clare confessed.

Owen's eyebrows quirked, "Wow, why?"

"It was raining and I had my bike," Clare replied simply. Though she knew that Eli, no matter how much he might hate her or disagree with her, would never let her ride her bike home on a rainy day.

Owen nodded, not fully understanding. "Okay, you're here, I'm going to go. I just didn't want Bianca to be alone."

"I've got her," Clare said.

Owen left the house a few minutes later, shutting the door behind him.

Clare stared at the black television screen in front of her. Her thoughts ventured to Marie and her predicament.

Sure, Clare knew that having the baby at such a young age was going to make her grow up fast. But she hadn't really thought of everything she'd have to give up. The school year was drawing to a close and she'd be able to finish grade ten before she really started getting fatigued.

First born babies almost never finish a full term. Dr. Alexa had told her that more likely than not her baby would be born a week or two before the actual due date. Clare would miss the first few months of grade eleven and after that every day of her life would be about her child. He or she would always come first.

She glanced at the stack of books with homework waiting to be done on the coffee table. Pretty soon those wouldn't be there. There would be diapers and messes and bills piling up.

Clare began to hyperventilate. Her life was over. There would be no dates, or dances or anything fun, even after she'd be able to go back to Degrassi. She would have Bianca to help, but the baby was not her responsibility, it was Clare's. There was only so much that Bianca could give her a hand with. It was selfish to think that Bianca would give up her own personal life as well.

Maybe Eli was right, Clare thought. They were too young for this, maybe she was not prepared at all for it. She was living in some fantasy land where she'd only imagined the good parts of parenting.

But this was her baby; this tiny little person was a part of her. She was his or her mother. She already loved him or her unconditionally. Clare knew everything would be a wreck at first; the baby won't sleep meaning she won't either. The house would probably be a mess all the time. He or she would cry and scream only because he or she could. But she couldn't imagine giving all of that up, even the bad parts.

Both came hand in hand. For every time that he or she threw up on her, there would be a moment where the baby would laugh and smile and Clare's heart would feel like it was exploding.

She was ready for the good and the bad, even if she had to do it alone.

xXx

Clare jumped from the couch with renewed energy. Bianca was fast asleep still and probably would be until morning but Clare left a note on the coffee table just in case.

She slipped on her rain boots and threw on a dry sweater. She grabbed her umbrella from the vase by the door and threw open the door. The rain hadn't let up one bit but Clare was on a mission.

She opened the umbrella and held it above her. She trudged the mud and puddles until she reached her destination.

Clare walked up the familiar steps and pounded on the front door. She remembered the last time she was here. They were sitting on the couch watching a movie on the same afternoon that Clare was supposed to have gone shopping with Alli for the dance.

Eli opened the door and his eyes widened at the sight of her.

"Did you walk here?" He asked nervously, noticing her attire.

"I don't need you," Clare said sternly.

Eli raised an eyebrow and she pulled him outside and under her umbrella.

"I know you think I'm making a mistake and I know you want to get rid of him or her but I can't Eli and even more so I won't. Even if I didn't want to keep the baby I wouldn't kill it. You resent me because you know that this baby is a part of you too, you're still mad, maybe you always will be. I understand that now, you don't want to forgive me and you don't want any connection to me," Clare said, her eyes were glassy and for once she wasn't intimidated by him…or anyone.

His green eyes bore into hers but Clare didn't flinch or stand back. "I don't care that you don't want this baby, I do. I don't need you, so stop worrying that one day I'm going to ask you for anything."

Eli swallowed and Clare turned to leave.

"Wait," Eli said. "Let me take you home again." He grabbed her elbow gently, not looking her in the eyes.

Clare pulled her arm back. "No Eli, I'll be fine. I don't need you."

She walked away from him then, leaving him out on the porch.

xXx

Clare sat impatiently in the waiting room. It was her twenty-one week ultrasound and she was excited. Today would be the day they told her the gender of the baby. On either side of her sat Bianca, who was flipping through a magazine, and Cece, who'd missed her week nineteen appointment due to work but had called in sick when Clare told her that at week twenty-one they'd tell her the gender.

Clare was biting down on her lip. Since her outburst almost a month ago, Eli hadn't so much as looked at her. Cece kept trying to tell her that he'd come around but she always shook her head softly and smiled sadly.

Eli would never come around, he wanted no part in this and she was learning to really be okay with that.

Ryder opened the door and escorted out the patients before her. "Clare," she called out excitedly. She jumped from her seat and all but ran through the door. Bianca and Cece were at her heels, their excitement almost matching her own.

Dr. Alexa came into their room a few minutes later with the ultrasound machine.

"Hello Clare," she greeted. "Is this your mom? You haven't brought her with you before."

Clare's breath got caught in her throat momentarily. How could she explain what Cece was?

"Yes," Cece answered for her smoothly. "I've had to work so I've missed some appointments."

Clare wanted to cry as Cece shot her a bright smile.

"Oh," Dr. Alexa smiled. "Are we ready to start?"

"Yes," Bianca answered impatiently. She moved to stand behind Clare. Cece stood next to her and grabbed Clare's hand.

Ryder spread the jelly on Clare's belly, which was protruding more now. There was no question anymore, just by looking at her, people knew. She was learning to deal with the passing judgmental looks she'd get from older people.

Dr. Alexa turned on the machine, turned off the light, and turned to Clare.

"Ready?" She asked.

"Yes," Clare said almost impatiently.

The transceiver moved over her belly gently. The picture started appearing on the screen and Dr. Alexa moved it more slowly over her. As the picture became more clear, Clare grew more impatient.

After two or three minutes Dr. Alexa turned to Clare with a smile. "Congratulations Clare, you're going to have a baby boy."

She was a having a baby boy. Within seconds of hearing the news, Clare imagined a little boy playing with little cars once he was old enough. She saw a boy playing with dinosaurs and smiling with a missing tooth.

Not surprisingly, all of the little boys she imagined looked exactly like Eli had as a little boy. Cece had shown her Eli's baby pictures one afternoon when she'd shown up early to hang out and he wasn't there.

The sound of crying broke her imagination. Clare looked over to see Cece wiping away tears from her eyes. She turned to Bianca, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since the disappearance of her mom, and saw that she too was wiping away a few stray tears.

Cece pulled out her phone. "I'll be back in a few minutes Clarabelle, I promised Bullfrog I'd call him the second we found out."

Clare smiled and nodded, she'd only seen Bullfrog a few times since she and Cece first talked, but he was every bit as supportive as Cece said he would be. He promised to come in soon to take out the guestroom's furniture.

"I told you Edwards," Bianca chided. She had predicted that the baby would be a boy since the beginning.

Dr. Alexa shut off the machine after getting some pictures printed.

"I haven't felt him kick," Clare smiled at the fact that she could use male pronouns now. "Is that bad?"

"He's perfectly fine Clare," Dr. Alexa assured her. "It takes some women more time than others to really feel the baby's presence."

"Now, you'll probably get growth spurts where you'll gain some weight rapidly then it'll slow down again. Backaches are going to star occurring, so invest in a good pillow for when you sleep. You might start seeing some stretch marks but don't scratch because it makes them worse. You might have some trouble sleeping and your body's temperature will change easily," Dr. Alexa explained.

Clare nodded for her to continue.

"That's partly because your hormones are going to start getting out of control," Dr. Alexa said offhandedly.

Clare blushed and Bianca snorted from behind her.

Dr. Alexa then stepped out of the room after saying goodbye. Ryder walked in a few minutes later with the pictures and her size comparison.

"He's about the length of a carrot," Ryder said with a smile. "Congratulations Clare."

"Thank you," Clare replied.

"It was so sweet of your mom to come this time," she commented.

Clare smiled sadly, "Um...she's not my real mom."

"But she-."

"She's my ex-boyfriend's mom, my baby's grandma. She and her husband are being very supportive," Clare informed her quietly.

"Oh," Ryder replied. "That's good Clare. A solid support system goes a long way."

Bianca squeezed Clare's hand and smiled.

They walked out of the office toward Cece, who was waiting in her truck to take them home.

Bianca laughed.

"What?" Clare asked.

"Your hormones are raging," she recalled.

"Shut up," Clare said with a laugh.

* * *

><p>Thoughts?<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note_

Oh how I wish this was an upate for you all, but unfortunately it is not. Let me start with what is/was going on in my life. I can see now that the last time I updated One of The Boys was July 29th, and the last time I updated I Have Friends in Holy Spaces was August 25th. I moved 12 hours from home for university the second to last week of August. That was painful enough, I can't express how much I miss my family and my friends everyday. I updated once the second week I was here and then I started planning and writing what would been the 10th chapter of One of the Boys.

Then about a week and a half ago my personal laptop died. The battery died and the system itself also died. I don't know what happened. I am writing this on a laptop the school gave me. I haven't taken my personal laptop anywhere to get fixed yet because it'll be a lot more than I have at the moment. Everything about these two stories was stored on that laptop. Outlines, deleted scenes, all previous chapters, the two current chapters I had already begun writing and tons of oneshots that were being developed for you all. But for the moment all of that is gone. I don't know how long it will take to get fixed, if it even can be fixed.

So for the moment One of the Boys and I Have Friends in Holy Spaces are on hiatus. I am just as saddened by this as you are. The moment I find out what will happen to my personal laptop I will let you all know what will happen to these two stories. But I can't bring myself to basically start from scratch for the remaining chapters of the stories when I had my outlines and scenes planned out already.

I promise to keep you all updated with whatever happens here: crookedfairytales[dot]tumblr[dot]com.

The one piece of happy news I can bring is that I am currently working on one very, very long oneshot. It'll take me a week or more to finish, but expect that soon. Also, I posted a oneshot, Turning Tides, so check that out. :)

**Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews and support.**


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